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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to use my own bathroom?

29 replies

ExperienceHunter · 29/07/2013 22:49

I share a flat with my friend's brother. Nice chap, we don't see each other often but he's tidy and polite. He has a girlfriend who often stays over. I don't mind that, but we have one bathroom and she regularly spends over an hour an evening in it during prime going-to-bed time. I have been waiting to wash my face and brush my teeth since ten. I'm exhausted and want to go to bed. On top of that I have a dodgy tummy and have been clenching my arse cheeks the whole time.

AIBU to bash on the door and tell her to get out? It's that or getting properly dressed and going to the supermarket down the road.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 29/07/2013 22:53

Just knock on the door and tell her your waiting. If you dont say something they won't know how annoying you find it. I wouldn't have waited this long so your more patient than me!

ChippingInHopHopHop · 29/07/2013 22:55

Knock on the door and tell her that you need the loo. Start doing this anytime you want to use the bathroom - she'll soon get the message that she's hogging the bathroom and it's annoying you. Or tell your flatmate that it's not on.

Original poster
ExperienceHunter · 29/07/2013 23:01

She's out now, to find me glaring on the stairs. I will man up and start knocking. I'll have to fake constant squits.

Another thing: she has heavy periods and leaves very bloody tampons, unwrapped, in the wire 'waste paper' basket. I am very sick of having to clean up her dried blood off the bin and floor. How can I say that politely? I am considering removing the bin, we only use it for loo roll tubes.

OP posts:
littlewhitebag · 29/07/2013 23:02

Put a bin liner in the bin.

Fakebook · 29/07/2013 23:03

Eeww. I would not put up with that. Why haven't you spoken to your flat mate yet? Tell him to sort it out and that you are not touching a strangers period blood. What a disgusting woman.

fackinell · 29/07/2013 23:08

Oh things like this used to drive me insane when I shared. I had my things regularly stolen, flat mates exH slapped me on the arse after my shower (and I couldn't punch him for clutching my towel) and I ended up with a fridge locked in my bedroom as all my food went missing.

I'd just have a chat when she isn't around and mention that as a rent payer you'd like to use the facilities freely. She should minimise her time in the bathroom and really shouldn't be staying over so regularly unless you split everything three ways.

fackinell · 29/07/2013 23:09

And the tampon thing is beyond disgusting. They flush fgs!!!

Original poster
ExperienceHunter · 29/07/2013 23:09

I don't see him often without her to say anything. I don't have periods (implant) which makes me think maybe I'm overly grossed out by it.

OP posts:
ChippingInHopHopHop · 29/07/2013 23:12

Oh fackinell PLEASE don't start that debate up again... it goes mad in here that one does!!

Put the bin in his room and tell him he needs to sort it out.

Grim.

ChippingInHopHopHop · 29/07/2013 23:13

I have periods, since coming off the pill I have heavy periods, and I'm very grossed out about that!! So, no, you aren't being 'overly sensitive'. Does your partner stay over often?

ChippingInHopHopHop · 29/07/2013 23:14

(If you have one that is)

trice · 29/07/2013 23:15

Who does she think is going to clean up her tampons? The bathroom fairy? I would be posting them through flatmates door.

I think you need to have a word. She obviously has no shame so you should be able to tackle her head on.

superram · 29/07/2013 23:16

Do not tell her to flush the tampon-it is almost as bad as leaving them in bin. Buy her a bag of nappy bags, 19p for 100 in Tesco.

Tuppenceinred · 29/07/2013 23:25

Are people mad? Don't buy her nappy bags, line the bin, or do anything at all other than knocking on his bedroom door and handing the bin to who ever opens it. Something along the lines of "I'm sure you don't expect me to deal with this for you" should do the trick.
Sounds as if you are going to have to have a chat with him soon and remind him of how things work in a flat share.

OTTMummA · 29/07/2013 23:26

She is treating it like her own home, it is not her home you need to talk to your flat mate and ask him how he would feel if a guest of yours took up hours of time in the bathroom when he needed to use it and then found bodily fluids all over the place.
He can't claim yabu if you put it that way.
On a side note, what a dirty bitch! Ugh.

TheCraicDealer · 29/07/2013 23:27

I second bin removal- if flatmate questions where it's gone then tell him the truth. Who doesn't wrap tampons up in a bit of bog roll?! The woman clearly has no shame.

What's she doing in the bathroom btw? Showering? Because if she's using your water to have long luxurious showers that's another reason to have a word! Honestly, I'm getting so annoyed on your behalf. I'm tempted to get DP to pretend to be your fella for a few weeks so he can do one of his special stinky poos on a nightly basis just before she locks herself in there for an hour.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 29/07/2013 23:31

Oh good grief! Next tampon she leaves, pop the entire basket in the room she's in with her fella and say "you forgot this...and please bleach the bin when you've removed your bio-hazard you manky baggage."

McNewPants2013 · 29/07/2013 23:36

What a cheeky girl.

I would write a letter and put it where his post goes, saying what you have said here.

Seriously leaving blooded period products is behind vile.

TheCraicDealer · 29/07/2013 23:39

Neo has just reminded me of something- had a friend who was living with his girlfriend while at Uni. They shared a 3 bed house with some unfortunate soul, but basically just used her bedroom. They had a massive row one night, so she took everything of his out of her room and left it outside his bedroom door. Then she went back into her bin and fished out all their used condoms, popped them in a poly pocket and sellotaped this charming package to his door.

So OP, least you've never seen used condoms in a poly pocket on your way to the kitchen.

whois · 30/07/2013 00:10

Don't do any of the passive aggressive tactics mentioned on this thread! Be a grown up.

Knock on the door when you need the toilet.

Tell housemate you're not happy at amount of time girlfriend is staying over and inconsiderate bathroom usage.

Take the bin out of the bathroom and tell him he needs to keep it in his room as its fucking rancid leaving bloody tampons for you to clear up. It shows a complete lack of respect and you do not expect to clear up her bodily fluids again.

pigsDOfly · 30/07/2013 00:29

Ok OP you're being way too nice over this. You are paying rent and bills for this flatshare, she isn't. She has no right to use your home in this way. If a stranger walked into my house and spent an hour in my bathroom I'd be bloody furious; well I'd probably call the police but that's a different matter, but the fact is she's using the water, electricity and gas that you have paid for and you're being inconvenienced.

Both she and your flatmate are being incredibly disrespectful to you and you need to speak to your flatmate and sort out a more workable arrangement.

If you need to use the bathroom, as whois says, just knock on the door and tell her. You really don't have to put up with this. And tell her to clear up her own tampons. You're not her skivvy. Bloody cheek.

Monty27 · 30/07/2013 00:34

Does she think it's her en-suite? Silly cow. Her not you. Well, ermm on the other hand Grin

fackinell · 30/07/2013 00:36

Grin Sorry, Chipping, I must have missed the tampon flushing posts!!!

ChippingInHopHopHop · 30/07/2013 00:44

Fackinell - apparently the sewage treatment plants we have can't handle them and they end up on the beaches/in the sea. Now my answer to that is - is that they need to find a way to handle them, it is not wrapping up tampons and putting them in the bin. However, it always turns into a complete slanging match and goes on for days. Hopefully this thread will die overnight! :)

BackforGood · 30/07/2013 00:47

Why fume?
Why not just say - "I appreciate you like to soak in the bath, and that's not a problem, but would you be kind enough to let me know before yougo in, as obviously we only have the one bathroom and it would be helpful to know if it's not going to be available for a long time, so I can nip in and use it first - thanks" - said with a smile - no problem at all.
Re the tampon - why on earth would you not line a bathroom bin anyway ? Confused but again, just point out to her that it would be appreciated if she didn't leave such personal stuff there for you to clean up.
Can't see why any of this is difficult - it comes with the territory of flat or house sharing, realising people do things differently and working out a way round them, as most of us have no idea that a certain thing we do would upset someone else. So, we talk, and let them know in a friendly, non-aggressive way. All sorted.