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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to give dd food before paying for it?

735 replies

cantsleep · 29/07/2013 22:20

Went to shops today with dcs. Dd was a bit tired and hungry and I wanted to get in and out quickly and home.

She was very hungry and has health issues and needed to eat that minute so I picked something up and let her have it. I have not done this before but couldn't have gone and paid then given it to her and continued shopping as she needed to eat straight away. Usually I have a snack in my bag for her but she had already had that one and I was going to buy more snack bits for her from the shops to replenish the ones I carry for her.

I noticed that a shop assistant was watching us intently and kept seeing her as we went round the shop.

When we got to the till I took the packet off dd for the man to scan and gave it back to her. As we were leaving the member of staff who had been watching approached us with a security guard and asked had we paid for what dd had eaten round the shop. I replied yes we had but she asked to check the receipt which obviously was fine.

She then told me that in future we HAD to pay for food before consuming it. I explained to her that it was a one off as I had run out of snacks I usually carry and dd needed to eat immediately but the security guard said food has to be paid for first.

It wasn't like I do this all the time and tbh as long as the food is paid for does it really matter?

WIBU to have let dd eat her snack before we had paid for it?

OP posts:
diddl · 30/07/2013 13:03

I do think it's also a sign of changing times.

When I was young, mum shopped at local shops.

Only a short walk away.

Milk was delivered.

So it was a quick trip, easily doable between meals.

Was never taken shopping after school-it was done whilst we were there.

By the time there was a local supermarket, sibling & I stayed home whilst the "big shop" was done!

MiaowTheCat · 30/07/2013 13:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Abra1d · 30/07/2013 13:09

Don't understand why healthy toddlers cannot manage half an hour without being fed.

ZingWidge · 30/07/2013 13:18

abra half an hour - no problems.

3 hour round trip including the school run and driving time - you tell my 15 month old to wait nicely!

why do you assume it's a half an hour shop?Angry

arethereanyleftatall · 30/07/2013 13:19

fgs Abra, they can.
But, there's no harm in it is there?

Peachyjustpeachy · 30/07/2013 13:21

you gave a kid crisps to stop her diabetes? I'm sure there were plenty of other things in the Shop that you could have given her.

Gruntfuttock · 30/07/2013 13:30

I have never done this, but going by this thread, I seem to be very much in the minority. I wonder if this only happens in the UK? Does any live outside the UK and do this and do those that do it in the UK also do it when they are abroad?

Gruntfuttock · 30/07/2013 13:31

I meant does anyone live outside the UK etc.

Eyesunderarock · 30/07/2013 13:34

Peachy, you don't know much about type 1 diabetes in children, I take it?
Sometimes a high carb snack is what's required to boost their sugar levels.
It's quite a complex and variable business, managing it on a daily or hourly basis.
And no, it doesn't 'stop the diabetes' I wish it was that simple.

PenguinBear · 30/07/2013 13:39

Which supermarket did this happen at? I'll be avoiding them in the future as always do this for the dc!

WorraLiberty · 30/07/2013 13:41

Putting the OP's DD's medical condition aside...

I just don't understand this attitude of feeding children to keep them 'quiet and occupied'.

Look how many posters talk about having a bad relationship with food...and how they've struggled to lose weight all their lives.

So why actively encourage children to boredom eat? Confused

Let them bring a toy, or try to get them involved in the shopping (if you really have to bring them along).

But ffs stop feeding them when they don't need to eat.

Original poster
cantsleep · 30/07/2013 13:42

Through trial and error with various snacks we have found that a bag of ready salted crisps with approx 12g of carbs works well to avoid a hypo if dd is low.

We had tried things like wholemeal pittas/white pittas/crackers/biscuits but they made her blood sugar too high. Plain crisps seem to work well as a snack for her as do th goodies cereal bars.

Diabetes is very complex and we find that one day can vary a lot from the previous even if she has eaten the same foods. Its all a bit unpredictable at the moment as she is quite newly diagnosed.

OP posts:
candycoatedwaterdrops · 30/07/2013 13:42

arethereanyleftatall Well, actually there is harm in the snacking culture and obesity problems we have.

ilovesooty · 30/07/2013 13:43

Exactly, Prozacbear

I make DS wait, but then, he doesn't have diabetes, just a moderate case of greed

You don't pander to it. Evidently many people do though.

littlemisswise · 30/07/2013 13:47

I totally agree with Worra's post at 13:41.

poppingin1 · 30/07/2013 14:07

"Same here.

Also don't remember people eating in the streets much either.

We had our meals & rarely anything in between-often only fruit-and we certainly had to ask.

But children today seem to demand & get unlimited access to the fridge/snacks."

This is what annoys me.

To me these issues are not due to instant gratification but rather a massive shift in cultural norms.

Life runs at a faster pace now and many families find it hard to maintain the traditional set meal times because of this faster pace of life and longer working hours which give parents less and less time to be at home.

I certainly find it difficult to keep up at times and need to eat while I am out in order to keep up with the day. Many parents have to resort to snacks in a day to satiate their children's appetites because they have been at work all day and probably not been home yet to cook a meal.

When I was working and studying I ate all my meals out except my evening meal which would often be 2 min noodle packs after arriving home after 11pm knowing I have to be up at 7am again.

I don't think 'grazing' is simply greed or bad manners. Sometimes I am so rushed off my feet that I forget to plan the weekly shop and end up at the late night tesco's 'grazing' while I try to get the shopping done and me and my DD home before 10pm, while having not been home yet to eat my evening meal. I think a lot of families experience this now.

WorraLiberty · 30/07/2013 14:11

poppingin1 But surely if you have a family, food shopping is a priority no matter how busy you get?

SueDoku · 30/07/2013 14:15

Yes, there is harm in it arethere - as lots and lots of posters have pointed out, with the exception of medical reasons (as in the OP), teaching children that a) they can cope without being given sweets, crisps, fruit, biscuits etc immediately is good for the development of their ability to wait for something, and not demand everything now, this minute and b) that they eat at regular times, and don't just 'graze' all day.

The effects on society of the culture of instant gratification that has grown up over the last 30-40 years are obvious and have led to the growth of obesity as a major problem, as well as the 'me, me, me' attitude that is so obvious in some of the posts here Sad

To say, 'Meh, I want to eat all the time so I'm going to' is lazy thinking, and shows no sign of that old-fashioned thing that we old gimmers were taught called 'self control'.....
Hmm

tittytittyhanghang · 30/07/2013 14:19

I remember people eating in the streets when i was younger, it was not unusual in the slightest. Where we stayed kids were always going about with crisps/sweeties/jam pieces.

Meh, im not obese nor have a bad relationship with food, my kids neither, i'll feed them when and how I please.

jacks365 · 30/07/2013 14:22

Worra if we involve the dc in the shopping by talking about it to them we get accused of performance parenting Grin

I wonder if there is a bit of an age thing here, when I was young supermarkets were few and far between so a trip was exciting in itself and that attitude has carried over to my shopping habits and I only use the supermarket when I have to otherwise I use the village shops, my supermarket shop tends to be cleaning products and frozen food don't think the dc would want to eat those.

eccentrica · 30/07/2013 14:26

I've done this from time to time, if DD has been really hysterical and hungry. Mostly it's not necessary.

The posters who said this is a 'relatively new development' or 'a sign of changing times' - hardly. According to my mum, I used to eat bits of cheese, apples and raw mushrooms going round the supermarket when I was a baby. I'm not obese or overweight. Nor is my daughter or any of my family (except for my dad, who probably hasn't been inside a supermarket since the 1970s).

And in corner shops, the guys working there will often give my daughter a piece of fruit or a sweet to eat as a little present.

WorraLiberty · 30/07/2013 14:28

Boredom eating can be a slippery slope.

I know my DC's would want to eat me out of house and home if they were bored. They constantly ask for snacks.

But if they take their bikes over the park for a few hours, magically they don't need to eat every 20 minutes.

poppingin1 · 30/07/2013 14:28

Yes Worra it absolutely is, but that doesn't mean you will necessarily find it an easy task to accomplish.

Many people, especially working class people, barely have any time in the day to cook actual meals. Working long hours for little pay has impacted on family time that extends to the provision of adequate home cooked meals.

And nowadays with the death of the local high street, it is even harder to sort a family food shop if you don't have a car in order to travel to your nearest ghastly retail park.

I am actually having this problem right now. In order to get my weekly shop done, I have to cart my 2 year old on a bus or train to the retail park, do my weekly shop and then cart it all back home by hand on a bus or train again. Hardly easy! And because of the time involved when using public transport, by the time I get to the supermarket or I am ready to leave, she may well be hungry again.

So, keeping this in mind, if she does want to eat, if I take the time to buy her something and then exit the supermarket, find somewhere to sit (I have no car to sit in) and then take the time to let her eat before going back in to actually start shopping, how long would my actual weekly shop take? I would be there for hours! And these are hours that I just don't have. Not everyone can do this.

If you add time spent working or completing other domestic tasks to the list, getting the weekly food shop done can become very daunting.

midori1999 · 30/07/2013 14:30

I don't see how giving a toddler snacks in the supermarket teaches them they can graze all day long or means they don't learn to wait for things. My oldest child is 17 and can certainly wait for things and wouldn't expect to snack in the supermarket. My youngest is 2 and as is the nature of toddlers, has less self control, so she is often given snacks in the supermarket. I suspect that when she's older she'll be just as able to wait as her brothers are now.

NobodyPutsTomArcherInTheCorner · 30/07/2013 14:30

I'm right behind you in the shuffling SueGrin

I think we have to accept that the two viewpoints on this are poles apart though. Either you think it's important to reinforce in your dc the notion that there is a time and a place for food (ie not kicking up a fuss for it walking around the supermarket) or you don't. Clearly it's just not an issue for some, which is their choice absolutely, but not mine.

However I do believe the points about snacking, instant gratification and obesity/issues regarding food are valid ones.