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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to wear same colour as bridesmaid to close friend's wedding?

65 replies

princessx · 29/07/2013 16:20

One of my oldest and closest friends is getting married and I decided to pull out all the stops on my outfit to mark the sense of occasion and look good in front of all our childhood friends.

I've found an absolutely beautiful dress in the same colour as the bridesmaids. Everyone who sees it says I have to wear it as it is so flattering. However there are several reasons why I'm thinking its a bad idea, which is why I'm secretly posting on mumsnet...

All our old friends might assume I am a bridesmaid, or worse that I wasn't asked but I want to be one. Basically we've been friends the longest, but she asked a newer friend, who was actually my friend first. I don't mind but I don't want to draw attention to the fact.

My friend who is the bridesmaid has had a long running joke about no one stealing her thunder and wearing the same dress as it happened at the last wedding she went to.

I seem to have a problem in groups and always rub people up the wrong way. I just don't want to look like I'm attention seeking at this wedding, I'd prefer to just be in the background and have a good time.

What do you wise mumsneters think? Should I focus on looking my best, or should I wear something else to avoid the drama?

OP posts:

AncientCrone · 29/07/2013 19:11

I'm with you, Damson!

IneedAyoniNickname · 29/07/2013 19:49

presumably most guests don't know what colour the bridesmaids are wearing until they turn up on the day

I'd say 99% of the weddings I've been to, the bridesmaids have worn the colour that's on the invite. I tend to assume that that is the colours to avoid.

WafflyVersatile · 29/07/2013 20:54

There is a colour on the invite? BM dresses match it?

Weddings have colours?

I've clearly not lived.

IneedAyoniNickname · 29/07/2013 21:04

Most of the weddings I've attended yes, is that unusual?

Onesleeptillwembley · 29/07/2013 21:06

Never seen a colour written on an invitation, but if there's a colour on it, it's usually a clue.

DamsonJam · 29/07/2013 21:25

I must move in very different social circles to some of you - I've never heard of colours on invites, let alone them matching BM dresses. I thought wedding invites were all cream coloured! But then I could just be very unobservant! :-)

breatheslowly · 29/07/2013 21:30

I've never noticed the colour of the BM dresses matching the invitations either. I'm always surprised by the BM dress colours as I don't have any idea what they will be until they walk in.

WafflyVersatile · 29/07/2013 21:33

I was given free reign to buy my own best woman dress so my sister would have had trouble matching it to invites.

I'm sure my invites have all been cream vellum with black print.

I've not seen any BMs in black.

Murtette · 29/07/2013 21:34

Wear something different. 10 years ago I went to a friend's wedding. At school, three of us had been good friends but the other two went to one university and continued the friendship whilst I went to a different one and lost touch somewhat. My friend asked the other girl to be a bridesmaid but not me. This was completely understandable and I never thought about it... until I turned up at the wedding in a dress practically identical to the bridemaids and felt really embarrassed for the whole day. I thought school friends had done it on purpose when I really didn't know. What made it worse was that one of the flower girls had played up a lot during the service and the adult bridemaid had done an excellent job of keeping her quiet and entertained. Lots of older relatives came up & congratulated me at the reception on how well I'd coped (the bridesmaid and I are of a similar height, same hair colour although she was a size 8 and I was a size 12) and others commiserated with the fact that I must have been feeling unwell during the service and so had sat with the congregation rather than doing proper bridesmaid duties. It was horrific. I am cringing now just thinking about it.

Coconutty · 29/07/2013 21:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

countrymummy13 · 29/07/2013 21:37

This is one in a million reasons why weddings are such a load of bull (IMHO)

If we're talking the exact same colour then, yes it will look odd. Don't do it.

TimothyClaypoleLover · 29/07/2013 21:48

I accidentally did this once. Wore the same colour but style of dress was totally different. There was the odd joke about wannabe bridesmaid but bride or bridesmaids were not offended. Not really a problem although if I had known the colour scheme would probably not have worn the same colour.

IME of attending weddings the only invites that tend to have a colour theme are the lavish affairs. Most have been plain. My own invites were homemade.

IneedAyoniNickname · 29/07/2013 21:51

Sorry, I didn't mean the colour was written on the invite, but that the printing/embellishments will be a certain colour. That is generally the colour the bridesmaids.wear/various decor is in my experience.

Pigsmummy · 29/07/2013 21:52

DontmindifIdo · 29/07/2013 22:02

No, it's not the bride that'll be the issue, they might understand/not care, it's other guests making comments which get louder after a few drinks that will be the embarrassing bit. Don't do it.

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