Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

AIBU to wear same colour as bridesmaid to close friend's wedding?

65 replies

princessx · 29/07/2013 16:20

One of my oldest and closest friends is getting married and I decided to pull out all the stops on my outfit to mark the sense of occasion and look good in front of all our childhood friends.

I've found an absolutely beautiful dress in the same colour as the bridesmaids. Everyone who sees it says I have to wear it as it is so flattering. However there are several reasons why I'm thinking its a bad idea, which is why I'm secretly posting on mumsnet...

All our old friends might assume I am a bridesmaid, or worse that I wasn't asked but I want to be one. Basically we've been friends the longest, but she asked a newer friend, who was actually my friend first. I don't mind but I don't want to draw attention to the fact.

My friend who is the bridesmaid has had a long running joke about no one stealing her thunder and wearing the same dress as it happened at the last wedding she went to.

I seem to have a problem in groups and always rub people up the wrong way. I just don't want to look like I'm attention seeking at this wedding, I'd prefer to just be in the background and have a good time.

What do you wise mumsneters think? Should I focus on looking my best, or should I wear something else to avoid the drama?

OP posts:

CSIJanner · 29/07/2013 16:50

Dye it. Just dont opt for puce.

YANBU to want a flattering dress
YWBU to knowingly wear the same colour as the BM

DamsonJam · 29/07/2013 16:51

Why don't you just ask the bride?

One of my oldest and best friends rang me up the week before my wedding to ask if I'd mind her doing exactly what you're proposing - she made it quite clear that she wouldn't mind if I said no. I thought she was mad as a box of frogs for even asking - of course I didn't mind - I didn't see how I could have a monopoly on dark red at the wedding just because my 2 bridesmaids were wearing that colour. But I now see she was right that some brides would mind.

DamsonJam · 29/07/2013 16:53

BTW - my friend had seen the bridesmaids dresses as she is also good friends with my sister and cousin who were bridesmaids so she also knew it was a similarish cut on the top half (though bridesmaids were floor length and hers just came to below the knee).

StrangeGlue · 29/07/2013 16:54

I always check to make sure I don't accidentally go in a bridesmaid colour and I really think you should avoid it if you can. The s&b board will find you something similar in a different colour.

TheCatIsUpTheDuff · 29/07/2013 16:55

If they're absolutely nothing alike and your accessories are very different, you might be ok, otherwise you run the risk of looking like you're trying to make a point.

My BMs wore purple strapless dresses, and DH's auntie wore a purple shift dress and jacket, the sort of thing that looked lovely on a 60-yr-old auntie - that's how different it has to be. Different style, shade, fabric.

Onesleeptillwembley · 29/07/2013 16:58

If you actually need to ask, then it's pretty obvious why you 'rub people up the wrong way'.

DamsonJam · 29/07/2013 17:01

Oooh that's a bit harsh Onesleep - the OP is clearly trying to 'do the right thing'!

YouStayClassySanDiego · 29/07/2013 17:01

Don't do it, it may cause all sorts of problems.

Are you sure you're not pissed off at not being a Bridesmaid?

Smartiepants79 · 29/07/2013 17:04

Post your basic measurements on here and we'll help you find another one!
I wouldn't wear it. It comes with too many possible isshoos.
Maybe make a real effort with hair and makeup instead?
Seriously tho the people on here or on the style threads are excellent at finding amazing dresses for emergency situations.

ovenbun · 29/07/2013 17:07

save it for another occaision..
it will look really bad form if you wear it...and people wont notice how flattering it looks they will just gossip about it being a really weird thing to do...all eyes will be on the bride any way so I wouldn't try to hard to be showstopping :) xxxxx

ScrambledSmegs · 29/07/2013 17:08

I did this accidentally once. I was quite heavily pregnant too, so I looked like a hormonal bridesmaid-wannabe. Luckily I was on the same table as one of the bridesmaids who thought it was hilarious, so no harm done.

However if you know in advance I wouldn't. Can you post a link to the dress here, maybe we can find something similar in a flattering colour for you?

WafflyVersatile · 29/07/2013 17:09

have you checked that it is actually the same colour? Purple comes in a lot of variations.

Maybe a dressmaker could reproduce it for you in a different colour.

If it is that flattering on get her to copy to every colour!

Twirlyhot · 29/07/2013 17:11

'Basically we've been friends the longest, but she asked a newer friend, who was actually my friend first'

For someone who says they don't mind you sound an awful lot like you do mind

As others have said, post on Style&Beauty linking to a picture of the dress and they'll help you find something lovely.

ImperialBlether · 29/07/2013 17:13

Well, if your dress was the same colour but in velvet and long sleeved and a mini and hers was in satin and floor length and a halterneck, then nobody would notice and I doubt you'd be asking here.

Can you describe both dresses? Is yours the sort of dress you could wear as a bridesmaid?

Edendance · 29/07/2013 17:14

Bad idea. Buy and wear for another wedding. Do not wear it to this one- worst idea ever!!

TaurielTest · 29/07/2013 17:14

If you're set on this particular dress, the pale grey one would probably dye quite well... to a colour far away from dark purple.

garlicagain · 29/07/2013 17:15

OP: "I've bought one other dress in hot pink"
CSIJanner: "Just don't opt for puce"

Sorry, this made me

Dressing for a wedding's never easy, is it, OP?! I bet you'll look lovely in hot pink, though I don't rate your chances of "blending into the background" ... Have you checked that it's the same shade of purple? If theirs is bluish-purple and yours is pinky-purple, should be no harm done.

Or wear the pink.

Or ask S&B / this thread for informed recommendations :)

Original poster

princessx · 29/07/2013 17:21

Well you've convinced me- I'm defo not wearing it now! I'm going to save it for another occasion.

My dress has cap sleeves and pencil skirt style. The BM dress is maxi. But best to play it safe and avoid.

I know the bride really wouldn't care, also I know BM wouldn't really mind, it's more the fact that people would be talking about me.

Hot pink it is! Might post on s&b tho and see if they can source anything else

OP posts:

Onesleeptillwembley · 29/07/2013 17:22

Damson it may sound harsh, but common sense and decency would make this obviously not the done thing. The point I'm making is that the need to even ask shows a lack of social awareness or manners explains the 'rubbing people up the wrong way'.

WilsonFrickett · 29/07/2013 17:26

Oh lord, I felt bad enough about my faux pas, now I see how much I was being judged for it I feel worse!

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 29/07/2013 17:28

Many years ago I was in a similar position. Friend who had been my bm 5 years before getting married and hadn't asked me. I was a bit sad but accepted that we had drifted apart.

Found a lovely dress. Not in the same colour as the bm dresses (in fact completely different) but which looked like it could be a bm dress.ndecidid against wearing it "just in case". Found a different dress. Wore the original dress to BIL's wedding in Germany where bm dresses were a completely different style.

StuntGirl · 29/07/2013 17:34

My partner is convinced that it's the done thing to wear the 'wedding colours' to a wedding. So he'll wear a red shirt to a red and white wedding, a blue shirt to a blue and silver one, etc. He always matches the bridesmaids

garlicagain · 29/07/2013 17:50

I once went to a Man Utd fan wedding, where almost everybody wore red & white - I felt like the oddball because I didn't match the bridesmaids

DamsonJam · 29/07/2013 18:00

I guess I'm just genuinely amazed that everyone thinks it's such a massive issue (after all presumably most guests don't know what colour the bridesmaids are wearing until they turn up on the day?). As the bride in this situation I was surprised my friend thought to even ask me as I just didn't see the issue. But then perhaps social niceties may just not be my "thing"! :-)

FrancesDeLaTourCoughngIntoABin · 29/07/2013 18:04

I agree. As a bride I really wouldn't have cared/minded - it would have seemed odd to me to even been asked.
My mum wore black and had a huge stress over that :o

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread