To think some fitness experts can put people off

[doingthesplitz]

One of my colleagues wants to lose a few pounds and a few of us were chatting away giving her bits and pieces of advice from our own diet and exercise regimes. Then two people who are really really into fitness started butting in telling her it was no use simply cutting down on carbs she also had to do this, that and the other; spend half her life in the gym; walking was no use she needed to also join a gym and use weights and the exercise bike and weigh her food blah blah blah.
The girl' started to look more and more dispirited and I know in my heart and soul she had just lost any motivation and wasn't going to bother.
I've seen this before where the fitness experts come steaming in, turning their nose up at the idea of cutting down on sweet stuff and bread and going out for a walk every evening and start bossily instructing people "No, no. You must......." followed by a regime that would be fine if someone was training for a triatholon.
Why can some of these people not get that a lot of us just want to take a few simple steps to becoming fitter and slimmer, but are not planning to enter the London Marathon. I see it on some threads on here as well and by the time they're finished the original posters have long slinked quietly off the thread and are no doubt gloomily munching a cream cake and wondering why they thought it was worth bothering in the first place.
AIBU to wish that these fanatics would just tone it down sometimes and stop putting people off before they've even begun?

Extreme fanatics at either end of the spectrum on any subject whatsoever are always a PITA and best ignored. How many people also told her she was fine as she was and shouldn't worry about what other people thought?

My dp is a bit like this. I've repeatedly had to tell him to stop commenting on my diet and exercise, because what he is suggesting is too much hard work. He doesn't see that I'm not going to go to the gym 3 times a week, because I do the cm drop off/pick up so can't just pop to the gym on my way home from work for 2 hours like he does , and that going for a walk with dd2 is as much as I can do most of the time.

I have a friend like this. It's exhausting.

I made the mistake of mentioning that I'd started cycling as I wanted to stop my thighs wobbling.

But no, I need to go to the gym 70 million times a week, drink protien shakes, give up carbs, follow some convoluted eating plan and never allow a sliver of chocolate within 50 foot of me ever again.

I just want to stop my thighs wobbling so much so I feel a bit more confident in shorts

Glad I'm not the only one. For most people diets and exercise routines have to be realistic and fit in around work, family life, social life, budget constraints etc. We can't all get up at 5 am to jog six miles before cycling to work with a perfectly balanced and weighed lunch in our bag, followed by an hour's weight training in the gym. Nor do we want to be the person out at dinner who's refusing everything on the menu and asking if the chef can prepare a saltless, gluten free, high protein dish specially for them or, even worse, ringing our hostess to warn her we're off carbs and sugar and alcohol so could she keep that in mind while preparing the meal.

I completely agree.

I was at a training course recently and a gym bunny (who looked horribly scrawny, but I presume she was very fit) asked me what I did for exercise. I have very little spare time and can't really justify the cost of a gym membership, but go walking or get on the bike with the kids when I can. Apparently that wasn't enough - it wasn't 'sustained exercise'. Made me feel completely inadequate - when did keeping fit and healthy require so much time, money and equipment? I grew up in the 70s and 80s, and people were generally fitter and slimmer then without gyms and protein only diets.

YANBU. Nowt wrong with wanting to be healthy but some people take it to an extreme. Unless you eat utter rubbish and are a couch potato, your body knows what it is doing. It is a machine.

A lot of what you say is true. And it simply isn't necessary to start weighing food or being a boot-camp style of training. Simple things like cutting out sugar in hot drinks, substituting wholewheat bread/pasta for their white counterparts, reducing portion size, walking a mile a day can make a real difference to wellness and can help you lose a few pounds.

If you want significant improvements, you need to make significant changes. Depends on what you want really. It's all about balance.

However, some are also excuses. I'm a single mother of 2 with no family support and a full-time job. I still manage a run 3x a week because it matters enough to me to make it happen.

I agree that people who continue their diet on a night out are a PITA though.

the fact is that some people can do everything in moderation, and some people (like me) have to obsess before they can maintain the required motivation.

I do see what you mean, but a lot of those fitness fanatics are actually only being realistic about what it takes to maintain a slim, athletic body if you're not 18 or that isn't your natural body type.

Fair enough, anything is better than nothing healthwise. But it takes a helluva lot more than once weekly zumba or turning down the odd pudding to get a backside like Jennifer Nicole Lee unfortunately.

I work in the Middle East where there is a high rate of obesity and diabetes. Doctors have been prescribing a 30 minute family walk 4 times a week and the results have been amazing. I think being overweight and taking that first step into a gym can feel like being in school assembly in your underwear and despair of the militant, judgemental people they employ. In my department, most of my staff are walking and taking slow steps towards swimming and going to the gym and I have seen their confidence grow at the same time. I love the gym but have had to learn to be assertive and thick skinned and tell people to bugger off.

dahlen I agree with you

We have to make it happen.... I have done this this year. Used the child benefit from one months to pay up front for boot camp, buy in the food and get some decent 'gear'

Oh I felt guilty!! 5 dc, 3 are teens.... But what a journey. I've learnt loads along the way and lost almost 5 stone now. But the biggest reward for me has been my dc attitudes

The teens have all taken up running....
Younger 2 want running shoes now.... 5 year old comes to boot camp to help my trainer sometimes

All been very positive in times of obesity issues becoming a real danger.... I hang onto every word my trainer says and can understand a lot more of it now, so pass it on to the kids.

I've de sugared my dc.... They eat all my salad and veg... But it makes me

and yes to making changes, my guys used to have coffee that was half evaporated milk with 8 sugars, we are phasing out tinned milk and have introduced a range of green teas and herbals which have gone down really well.

Most of us don't think we're going to get a backside like Jennifer Nicole Lee (I don't even know who that is). We just want to lose a bit of weight and/or get a bit fitter.

Dahlen How do you manage to run 3x a week with your commitments. I know that I could manage it now if I didn't mind going to the gym at 9 or 10pm once dd2 is in bed and we've had dinner, but I would still need to do more work once I got home and that makes a very late night. I couldn't do that when I was a single parent because I had nobody to look after dd1.

How do manage to fit in 3 runs Dahlen - what happens to the kids when you are out?

Yes they can be quite irritating and insensitive - reminds of our work fitness fanatic who exclaimed very loudly to one person 'Do you know how many calories are in those raisins!!'.

A run takes 45 mins. I don't need a babysitter for the warm-up/cooldown exercises, nor for the shower, etc.

One run I do while the DC are at a club. It's not brownies or scouts but that sort of thing. Drop them off, run, pick them up, go home and shower.

One run I do by putting the DC in morning wraparound care - drop off DC, run, shower, go to work. 1hr required. Costs me £7.

The other run I do by enlisting a friend to come round as soon as I get home from work. I run, come back and read with DC/put them to bed, then shower afterwards.

You don't need lots of money either. Cheapish trainers are fine for running in as long as you replace them regularly (my last cost £25, but when I was seriously skint I once ran the London Marathon in a pair that cost £5 from a charity shop - not that I'd recommend that ). Shorts/joggers and a T-shirt/vest top are adequate, you don't need expensive wicking-type gear. The only thing you really need is a good sports bra.

Oh, ok. You manage fine, my daily life meant I didn't have 3 opportunities a week like that when I was on my own. Dd1 was already in wrap-around childcare 5 days a week from 8am (when it opened) til 5:30pm (when it closed), she only did one club a week and I did do some exercise then.

Now I've got dd2 who is 3, she's in childcare from 8am-5pm 5 days a week. I do drop-off and pick up, so can't go either on my way to work or on my way home because time is already tight. Now when dd1 is at clubs I have dd2 with me so can't manage to exercise then either. So the only option is after dd2 is in bed, which is also the only option for when I do all the work I have to bring home. I can't do it all, so exercise is the thing I miss out.

It doesn't bother me particularly that I only manage to exercise once a week. It does bother me that some people are keen to tell me that once a week is not good enough. It may not be good enough for them, but it's what I can do in my life without having to seriously rearrange things and miss out on other things that I enjoy more.

it's what I can do in my life without having to seriously rearrange things and miss out on other things that I enjoy more.

That's the crux there. It's not that you can't do it but that you've prioritised other things. And that's allowed. It would be a boring world if we all did the same things.

I have two other hobbies other than running, both of which require babysitters. It is a struggle to fit everything in round a full-time job and babysitting costs a bit. I prioritise too, but the one thing I don't cut is my running because health and fitness are important to me. Having lost several family members through unavoidable ill-health, it matters to me that I don't take completely avoidable risks with my health. Other people may decide that seeing as you could get knocked down by a bus tomorrow, why bother? It's all just perspective.

There's always shred DVD for those with no child care..... Well any DVD really

Or look on Pinterest, lots of exercise regimes that are easy to follow and require no equipment....

Pre dd I was super fit as I was on my feet all day looking after a big garden, some fields, a holiday let, and a large house. I also walked 5 miles a day with the dogs and went to the gym 3 times a week. I can't do any of that now with a 4 month old, but I stay healthy by eating well, going for a walk with the pram, and swimming very very early in the morning before DH gets up for work.

I cannot stand PITA extremists who push faddy eating regimes and belittle what are actually healthy lifestyle changes which do help.

Summer - if you want to make more time for exercise, can your DH free up some time by doing the cooking/bedtimes etc so you can get out?

Although that can bring some other problems... I sometimes think that it is because I am a single parent (and because I don't sleep very much) that I am able to fit in everything. I'd have a seriously neglected DH if I was married.

He probably could, but I don't like to ask because he is one of these fanatics who seems to think it's not really worth me doing exercise if I'm not eating ultra healthily. He does already do the cooking, while I do bathtime and bedtime, and he generally cooks fairly healthy meals, which is good. He also likes to tell me exactly what exercises I should be doing and how just going and doing 20 mins on the exercise bike is no good I should eb doing interval training, etc. I just don't want to discuss it with him because he is exactly the sort of person this thread is about. Every conversation I have with him about exercise/losing weight leaves me feeling like I may as well not bother because I couldn't possibly find time or motivation to do everything he thinks I should be doing.

He does bedtime once a week while I take dd1 out to orchestra, and I tend to go to the gym then, but if I don't go to the gym then and do something else that needs doing instead (like marking some books/exam papers) then he makes comments about me not being serious about exercising/losing weight. I AM losing weight, and i DO do some exercise, but not as much as he thinks I should.

Ah, ok. I see where you're coming from. That sounds annoying and rather demoralising.Have you told him that his 'advice' actually makes you feel less motivated?

I have, many times, I just don't think he can help it. He thinks he's helping. So our compromise is that I just do what I do, and I don't discuss it with him.

That would work.

Alternatively, play him at his own game a little. Think of the domestic tasks you don't like doing and tell him that you'll be delighted to do some interval training while he does x, y, z. And get him to do more bedtimes as you really want to take his advice but you don't have the time unless he helps out, etc. At the very least it should make him a bit more appreciative of what you do do.

But doing what you like works.