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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To pray that smug mothers of little girls are ...

300 replies

ReallyTired · 28/07/2013 23:22

....sent a beautiful bouncing baby boy torando as their second child.

Those of us with two children realise that nature has a huge affect on a child's personality and ablity to behave.

I have two children and both of them are lovely now. However my son was permamently on the move as a two year old and we used to call him captain chaos. He was the sort of kid who would be into every cupboard, had the wooden spoon in the baby olympics or baby ivory league. (ie he had no desire to read Pride and Prejudice at the age of 2)

My daughter has a very different temperment. She is far more compliant, loves drawing jigsaws and isn't a muck magnet. I am sure that if she had been my first I would have been unbearably smug.

Boys take longer to grow up and my son at the age of eleven is lovely most of the time. He is still a muck magnet, but he has plenty of friends and doing well at school.

OP posts:
JustGiveMeFiveMinutes · 29/07/2013 18:50

Stupid thread.

hothereinnit · 29/07/2013 18:54

I have 3 dc.

My first was a fabulously easy and placid baby, and then a nightmare as a toddler.

My second was a very difficult clingy baby, and even more of a nightmare as a toddler.

My third has been mixed as a baby (sunny, happy, by far the most cheerful of my babies, but did not sleep for a looooong while), and is looking to be just as much trouble as a toddler (put up to all sorts of mischief by elder siblings)

Gender has nothing to do with it. Each one is an individual, and each has had their easy points and their, ahem, challenging issues.

ARealDame · 29/07/2013 18:58

yeah, yeah, gender has nothing to do with it.

how I laughed!

What planet are people on here? Planet liberal-lets-pretend-gender-means-nothing? Now that's stupid.

hothereinnit · 29/07/2013 19:05

my third dc is not currently squealig loudly while racing up and down the hallway because he is a boy (both my girls have done it too).

my girls don't sit quietly and read books/do jigsaws because they are girls (ds will also happily settle down for a story - to the extent that any baby does at 12 months old)

they do the things that interest them.

my most active and excitable is a girl. absolute non-stop, needs regular exercise and sport or will be climbing the walls. if she was a boy, everyone would say 'typical boy, always on the move/can't sit still' etc. but she isn't.

nothing to do with planet liberal Hmm

everything to do with not expecting certain behaviours and interests based on what type of genitals a child has.

Anniegetyourgun · 29/07/2013 19:09

I have four boys, and I am considerably smugger than yow.

(Would I be that smug if I had four girls? You bet your ass I would.)

ubik · 29/07/2013 19:14

I think it's interesting how desperate some parents are to cling on the gender difference as an explanation fir challenging behaviour.

Rufus43 · 29/07/2013 19:18

Most people are talking about their personal life. I have not mentioned any other children just my own. I have also not said that my girl is a Tom boy or that my sensitive older boy is girly.

The vast majority of my friends would laugh themselves silly if anyone accused me of having any liberal views!

gingermop · 29/07/2013 19:24

I hav 4 dc's , a 14 yo dd and 3 ds's 10, 8, & 4. the first 3 a dream as babies so was very lucky, then ds3 came along and oh my lord hes hard work.
I can quite honestly say if id had him first id wouldnt hav had any more.

2 b honest though I think id take any child, boy/girl, an easy baby or a pain in the arse over my 14 y/o hormonal teenage girl Grin Grin

50shadesofmeh · 29/07/2013 19:24

Huh my son was as placid as can be and my daughter was the wild one, you can generalise due to sex surely.

Grittzio · 29/07/2013 19:25

First child - born to please, second child - born to rebel, says it all as I had DS first and DD second.

SchnitzelVonKrumm · 29/07/2013 19:25

Has the daft OP been back?

sparklekitty · 29/07/2013 19:44

Um, my pfb is a girl and a hell of a lot manic/non stop/dirt attractor then any of the little boys we know.

Gender is nothing to do with it. I hope I'm blessed with a little boy next time too, he might be a bit calmer taking after his Dad hopefully

Asheth · 29/07/2013 21:25

As the smug mother of three wonderul, tornado, muck magnet, chaos loving boys can i say that all I wish mothers of girls is (if they want another child) a healthy baby! And I wish the same to their fathers, parents of boys, parents of both and people who aren't yet parents at all but want to be.

LilacPeony · 29/07/2013 21:31

First child - born to please, second child - born to rebel Is that an actual expression? It does describe my dcs, both girls.

SuedeEffectPochette · 29/07/2013 21:38

Boys mess up your house. Girls mess up your head.

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts · 29/07/2013 21:42

Hmm, goadyfucker provocative post and disappearing OP. I call hairy handed shenanigans.

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts · 29/07/2013 21:42

And yes, yes I know there are rules about that.

KateCroydon · 29/07/2013 21:45

I spent my childhood with bruised knees and calloused hands from climbing everywhere, lost and/or broke things all the time and couldn't see the point in 'playing nicely'. Prett sure I didn't have a penis.

feelingood · 29/07/2013 21:47

YABU it is the other way round for me this pm my DD (18months)

crayoned on every floor tile

while cleaning tiles she emptied a pot of 2ps

while picking these up she emptied the washing bag onto kitchen floor

then screamed for 30 mins as I said 'no' to her pulling lead out of laptop

screamed again to nuclear level as I wouldn't let her drink bath water.

She had my life...we have just got back from weekend trip so she took advantage of stuff about the place but this is normal, she ignores her toys .

Original poster
ReallyTired · 29/07/2013 21:54

I disappeared because I have been looking after my children.

Little boys do get a hard time because people expect them to manage the same standards are little boys. More boys get excluded from school than girls and more boys have special needs.

Boys development is often slower than little girls. Prehaps some of the differences between the typical boy and typical girl are nuture. (ie. liking pink) However there are brain differences.

www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=girl-brain-boy-brain

Steve Biddulph's book on raising boys is interesting and Steve suggests that boys should start school a year later.

www.mumsnet.com/reviews/books/parenting/14335-steve-biddulph

OP posts:
AmandaPandtheTantrumofDoom · 29/07/2013 21:57

Biddulph knows naff all science. Honestly, have you thought about reading Cordelia Fine?

feelingood · 29/07/2013 22:00

Boys externalise whilst girls internalise so this is why boys are observed and acted upon more, but yes there are differences between the brains and hormones but then again this is all part of a continuum and never clear cut. Biological sex is fluid and generder roles that socially constructed are definitely variable and changeable.

feelingood · 29/07/2013 22:00

gender

mynameismskane · 29/07/2013 22:07

What a load of rubbish

Try harder next time

ubik · 29/07/2013 22:17

There are brain differences - have you heard of brain plasticity? How your brain changes due to your environment, like a certain muscle becoming larger after being used fir a certain task?

That is one way environmental factors cause differences in boys and girls.

I think many, many children would benefit from starting school later, I don't think it's a gender issue until later on when boys start to pick up on environmental cues about school and what it means to be male.