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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Or should he have invited future brother-in-law to stag do?

46 replies

Nombrechanger · 28/07/2013 22:06

My sisters fiancé had his stag do a couple of weeks ago and my husband is hurt that he wasn't invited. He wouldn't actually tell me in those exact words, but I can tell he is bothered by being left out.

We have been out together to dinner and got on well so it has not gone down too well that DH hasn't been invited as we will all be family in a week.

I would like to say something to my sister - i know it sounds petty but i think i should say something. AIBU?

OP posts:

Whothefuckfarted · 28/07/2013 22:09

Have your DH and your sisters fiance ever been out together before? As mates? Lads do type of thing? Would your DH consider him a friend? Or does he consider him his sister in laws fiance?

HollyBerryBush · 28/07/2013 22:11

Depends how close they are and the size of the stag do.

LookMaw · 28/07/2013 22:13

I wouldn't invite future SIL because we're not friends. We get on fine but we've never called, text, emailed each other nor shown any real interest in each other other than if we happen to be in the same room.

Unless your DH has actually said he is hurt as he thought that he would be invited, I wouldn't say anything to your sister.

selsigfach · 28/07/2013 22:13

It didn't occur to me to invite my husband's sister to my hen do. I get on well with her when I see her, but she's not my friend. Your Dh is being ridiculous. Please don't say anything to your sister, she had no hand in organising the stag do and you will only cause bad feeling. She is getting married - don't cause her any more stress.

Original poster

Nombrechanger · 28/07/2013 22:14

It wasnt a small stag do - about 10 people.

They haven't been out together alone but it's just me and my sister so wouldn't it have been polite to invite DH seeing as he is going to be family?

OP posts:

WhoNickedMyName · 28/07/2013 22:17

I didn't invite my SIL on my hen do. I only wanted close friends.

10 is a very small stag do. DH has just got back from a stag weekend of 26. If it was that kind of numbers then I'd understand your DH bring upset, but as it is YABU.

jacks365 · 28/07/2013 22:18

Nope sorry and 10 is a small stag do. I wouldn't have invited my husband to be's brother's wife to my hen night it's too big a gap. YABU

AppleYumYum · 28/07/2013 22:18

Hmm the cynic in me thinks it could be whatever they had planned they didn't want future family seeing? Or that he might tell you, you tell the wife to be?

maleview70 · 28/07/2013 22:18

I had two and didn't invite my BIL to either.

He isn't my friend and I didn't want to spend the nights hoping he was ok as he didn't know anyone,

Your hubby is being unreasonable....

mynameisslimshady · 28/07/2013 22:18

I wouldn't invite my brothers girlfriend on a night out with my friends, I would feel like I'd have to constantly make sure she was alright and chatting to other people because she wouldn't know anyone besides me. Nor would I appreciate my brother telling me off for not inviting her out.

I'd just leave it if I were you, it was just a night out.

HollyBerryBush · 28/07/2013 22:18

I dont see the fuss TBH. Your DH is not a mate of the man your sister is going to marry.

10 is a small stag do (trust me on this)

parakeet · 28/07/2013 22:20

I wouldn't have invited anyone to my hen do "just to be polite". I only wanted people there who were my true, close friends. Perhaps he felt the same way.

This is not a big deal. Let it go.

MalcolmTuckersMum · 28/07/2013 22:23

Seriously let it go before you start something that could take years to fix. And tell your DH to grow up.

PoppyWearer · 28/07/2013 22:23

I didn't invite my future-SIL to my hen do and she didn't invite me to hers. We aren't exactly friends but get on well enough. It isn't/wasn't a big deal.

intheshed · 28/07/2013 22:26

I didn't invite my SIL to my hen do. DH did invite my sister's partner at the time to his stag do, but then they did get on very well and had been around quite a lot as my sister was helping me with wedding plans etc (so he and DH had become drinking buddies.)

It's not a requirement, I would let it go.

HollyBerryBush · 28/07/2013 22:30

When is the wedding? is it possible there with a blokes evening out comprising the groom, both dads etc - a more muted affair?

Smartiepants79 · 28/07/2013 22:31

I think it's a bit of a shame and sad seeing as your husband is clearly bothered by it.

It is perhaps a bit late now but could he have suggested a few drinks out at another time?
10 is not a massive stag do but I would have expected my husband to invite my brother.(if I had one!)
I wouldn't make a big deal about it to your sister right now though. Now is a bad time to start arguments with a bride!
Maybe when the dust has settled you could suggest that they make a real effort to get to know each other.

Alisvolatpropiis · 28/07/2013 22:33

I wouldn't invite my future SIL. I've only met her a handful of times (live a fair distance apart). She's really not my kind of person.

defineme · 28/07/2013 22:35

10 is a small do.
Do not say anything-very bad manners to interfere.
Really not a big deal-your dh will get over it.

ITCouldBeWorse · 28/07/2013 22:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 28/07/2013 22:39

My DH didn't invite my brother on his stag do. It didn't even occur to me that he would have.

eurochick · 28/07/2013 22:46

I didn't have a hen, but I wouldn't have invited my future SIL. She didn't invite me. I didn't give it a second thought, tbh.

WhoNickedMyName · 28/07/2013 22:47

I couldn't be doing with having an in-law coming along who I wasn't particularly friends with, I'd be spending the whole event worrying if they were ok, making sure they were chatting to people and not being left out, having to explain our silly 'in jokes', etc. What's enjoyable about that!

Dorris83 · 28/07/2013 23:07

OP you probably should t say anything but I totally understand how you feel, a bit protective and you want to make it ok?

My DH and I are in a friendship group of couples that is based around the girls all being very close. They guys all get on one and certain of them are closer than others. My DH was pretty disappointed to not be invited to one of the guys' stag do (where done of the other guys from the same group had been)

It made me really sad for him as he felt left out, but there's nothing I could do. I think it would have been kind and not unusual for your future BIL to invite your DH on the stag do.

LRDYaDumayuIThink · 28/07/2013 23:08

I agree with the others - I like both my sisters-in-law but wouldn't have thought of it; DH would never have invited my brothers along.

If it were a big stag do you might have a point but 10 people is pretty small, I think he'll have wanted to be with people he'd known longer.

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