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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It doesn't get any easier...

32 replies

Fuckettyfuck · 27/07/2013 11:55

NC'd for this (sporadic regular, if you'll pardon the oxymoron).

Today is usually a celebratory day for me as it is the birthday of my PFB (DS is now 31!) Meeting up for family party tomorrow but as I say I usually hug this day to myself as it is the anniversary of the day my life changed forever.

I am one of those mums who has grown into the job as it were...I was pretty damn useless as a young mum but I have found I've got better at it, and enjoyed it more, the older my DC have got, especially since the DGC started happening!

But today my own DS is heartbroken as his mate was killed in a road accident the day before yesterday (his own 31st birthday). They have been friends since primary school (I knew him too so am gutted myself) and this is just awful.

To see your own adult children in this kind of pain is indescribable...you just can't put a plaster on it and kiss it better. And as for the family of the young man himself....

That is all. Just needed to write it down and share it anonymously....

OP posts:
mistressploppy · 27/07/2013 12:00

How awful. I'm so sorry for your DS Sad

internationallove985 · 27/07/2013 12:00

Sorry for your d.s experience and for your pain having to see him in pain.
You're right you can't put a plaster on it but you can be there for him and give him lots of love support and be a listening ear.
Indeed my deepest sympathy to this mans family and to your son and you. xxxx

EverythingIsTicketyBoo · 27/07/2013 12:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Fuckettyfuck · 27/07/2013 12:05

I see what you're saying Tickety but I really didn't think I was all that unusual in celebrating (not in any overt way, as I said, I just hug it to myself) the anniversary of becoming a mum. I think this is pretty much what is going on anyway when people hold birthday parties for children who are too young to know what's going on, and why not?

Sorry I gave the impression that I thought his birthday was all about me...it certainly isn't today Sad

OP posts:
SwishSwoshSwoosh · 27/07/2013 12:10

Gosh, Flowers for all affected, a terrible shock and so sorry.

Tickety - I think that was a bit low when someone is reaching out at a terrible time.

Original poster
Fuckettyfuck · 27/07/2013 12:11

Thanks Swish

OP posts:
EverythingIsTicketyBoo · 27/07/2013 12:12

No not today, I realise that I sounded very flippant. I really hope he is ok, thoughts with him and his friends family.

YoniBottsBumgina · 27/07/2013 12:13

That's awful. I'm sorry to hear about the young man :(

comedycentral · 27/07/2013 12:15

How awful Sad

Thanks to you all. I can't imagine how you must be feeling.

Really odd post from tickety...I hate mumsnetters that kick people when they are down. Odd way to get your fun.

Cravey · 27/07/2013 12:17

So so sorry, hope things get better. Tickety that was slightly below the belt. Don't kick her when she is down. That's nasty.

Original poster
Fuckettyfuck · 27/07/2013 12:19

Thanks Comedy andall. I'm asking for this thread to be deleted. Really ill advised to have posted it.

Thanks again.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fuckettyfuck · 27/07/2013 12:19

And Cravey x

OP posts:
comedycentral · 27/07/2013 12:21

Maybe ask for it to go into relationships rather than delete. Were here to support you.

Original poster
Fuckettyfuck · 27/07/2013 12:22

That's really kind Comedy, but I feel a bit of a fraud anyway...there are people who are hurting much more than me (even!) over this.

OP posts:
PlatinumStart · 27/07/2013 12:27

Fucketty I'm so sorry. I've always thought it slightly bizarre how we reassure new mums with the sentiment that it will get better. Or in someway easier.

My DC are a whole lot younger than yours but dealing with their grief an pain is at times unbearable. The idea that at some stage I will have to watch them suffer adult trials an the pain that they inflict is incomprehensible.

Nothing is worse than watching your children suffer, I am sorry for you, your DS and of course his friends family.

tickety that was one of the most spiteful unpleasant things I've seen anyone write on MN. You should be fucking ashamed of yourself

Original poster
Fuckettyfuck · 27/07/2013 12:32

Thanks to you too Platinum xx

OP posts:
SwishSwoshSwoosh · 27/07/2013 12:34

I don't think that because others are hurting more you become undeserving of support, so do post again if you feel you need to. I am really sorry if the thread hasn't helped you.

I am sure you can help your son, and he will be grateful for your support.

Original poster
Fuckettyfuck · 27/07/2013 12:35

Oh it has Swoosh, honestly!

OP posts:
Original poster
Fuckettyfuck · 27/07/2013 12:36

...and yes, DS and I have spent a long time talking about it.

OP posts:
Maryz · 27/07/2013 12:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

herladyship · 27/07/2013 12:43

my dc are 18 & 13, their problems & sadness get harder to cope with as they get older.. I think because there is so much less you can 'control' in their lives.

I suppose our job as parents is to give them our love, support & the tools to cope with what life throws at them.

being available for your son right now is all you can do, but please take care of yourself as well Flowers

Maryz · 27/07/2013 12:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

loveliesbleeding1 · 27/07/2013 12:44

Im so sorry , it really hurts so much to see your child in so much pain, so glad your son can talk to you, I have 19 years as a mum, and no it does not get any easier to see the pain your child goes through, sorry for all involved.

Original poster
Fuckettyfuck · 27/07/2013 12:45

Thank you so much for sharing that Maryz. Just dreadful.

OP posts:
elinorbellowed · 27/07/2013 12:50

I know what you are saying and I think it's a lovely sentiment at this horrible time. When I was little and I hurt myself my mum would always say 'squeeze my hand and give me the pain'. And it worked. I do it with mine now. If only that worked for 31 year olds.

At the time of DS's birth (11.45pm) on his birthday DP and I open a bottle and have a little toast to the day our lives changed forever.
I'm so sorry for you and your son's loss.