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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wake my husband and ask him to make me breakfast in bed?

77 replies

Bejeena · 27/07/2013 08:23

I am 37 weeks pregnant and before we ever conceived he always promised he'd wait on me hand and foot through pregnancy. In reality he actually hasn't very much, requests to pop to the shop when i really fancied something at the time (ie bag maltesers) were never met, another solution was always found and i did without. He is not happy with amount of cooking and housework he has to do and i have still been doing a fair bit.

He is snoring away next to me and it is 9:15am here as always on weekends - he lies in until 11am at least usually, although once again he promised I could always have breakfast in bed throughout pregnancy I almost always make it myself.

I am really hot (35c here already) really hungry and feel really uncomfortable and want to rest, is it really unfair to ask him to get up and make me something. I know if I get up and do it myself I'll just exhaust myself and the morning will be gone.

Am I unfair on him? I hear about lots of husbands doing plenty of things for their wives in late pregnancy but I am worried he'll moan and be in bad mood all weekend Confused

How on earth women manage with a second pregnancy I don't know, he seems to think I'll change my mind on second child but not at the rate he is going, I'll need more support to do this again.

Baaaaa sorry just hormonal and need to moan really - but am I that unreasonable?

OP posts:
themaltesefalcon · 27/07/2013 10:51

You're having his baby in this heat. You're probably not sleeping, definitely having your guts kicked to bits around the clock, possibly suffering from horrific SPD pains and almost certanly bone-weary... not to mention fearful of the unknown upcoming ordeal of labour. Poor you. Flowers

Only on fucking Mumsnet would you get so many unsympathetic replies.

I found the last two months of pregnancy MUCH harder than having a newborn (and I exclusively breastfed a non-sleeper, so that's saying something).

I am glad he's making you breakfast! And he SHOULD be popping to the shops to you. It's not an onerous thing for him to do (unless he has life-limiting disabilities or something hat you haven't told us about). It's the very least he can do in fact.

nennypops · 27/07/2013 10:53

It's reasonable for him to be asked to help now, but the idea that someone needs to be waited on hand and foot throughout pregnancy is ludicrous. I was sick as a dog throughout, and ended up with high blood pressure, but even I didn't expect that.

ilovemulberry · 27/07/2013 10:58

I would rather do it for myself! I hate that people tell me I shouldn't be do this or that. We're pregnant not useless- maybe take this stance and show him how strong you are. Carrying a baby, in the heat and still taking care of your home and yourself Smile

Boosiehs · 27/07/2013 10:58

Why are women so unsympathetic to each other? Pregnancy isn't a competition to see how hard you can make it for yourself. Also, why shouldn't the partner help out? They don't suffer the morning sickness, spd, swollen feet, HG. It's not just my baby, it's his too.

PearlyWhites · 27/07/2013 11:11

Yanbu and some people on this thread are very bitter.

Doingakatereddy · 27/07/2013 11:19

I think the OP is being selfish in waking her DH up by texting him 'from the baby' to ask for breakfast in bed

Yes, you're pregnant & it's hard. But your DH is also going to go through life changing event & faces plenty of sleep deprivation, worry about you plus having to work FT

So, cut him some slack & make your own bloody breakfast.

ll31 · 27/07/2013 12:14

You sound v childish tbh,you're an adult. You're pregnant, not ill.

internationallove985 · 27/07/2013 12:18

No I wouldn't say you're being unreasonable but that said though I do think some pregnant women milk it. When my ex friend was pregnant she said you'll have to go for the shopping for me cause I can't carry it (not a please or anything) My reply was.. I don't have to do anything which I was right I didn't) You'll have to wait till .....get's back.. I never got you pregnant and I didn't see you or anyone else running around after me while I was pregnant. I just got on with it. I was pregnant not ill. The world didn't owe me a living because I was pregnant and I was very ill with preecampsia.
Oh and congratulations. I am hoping for my B.F.P again soon been trying since April. xxx

mumblechum1 · 27/07/2013 12:25

It would honestly never have occurred to me to expect breakfast in bed or any of that stuff. I remember going to pick up a book for DH in the city centre on my due date and running back to the car park as I was worried about getting a ticket!

Everyone's different though, it would be very boring if we were all independent non-wimps the same Wink

motherinferior · 27/07/2013 13:01

Oh, I passed my driving test five days before giving birth to my second baby and was walking a couple of miles every day to get her sister to and from the childminder - including the day the baby arrived. I wasn't incapacitated and I was perfectly independent. Just full of loathing and discomfort.

missmarplestmarymead · 27/07/2013 14:51

It is miserable to be heavily pregnant in heat and, although you may not be ill, you are not at your physical peak.

Marvellous for posters who were able to run a marathon and climb Everest the day before giving birth but a little more sympathy for those who can't please.

Yes, sit around for the weekend and get him to do nice things for you-he is more physically comfortable than you and should be trying to make things a bit easier for you and furthermore, he hasn't got the prospect of hours of hard labour just around the corner.

No, holding your hand and puffing along is not the same at all. 'we're having a baby!' ha ha. you might be going to raise a child together but only one of you is actually having it.

I always try to knock that particular piece of pandering bullshit on the head as some men think that being in the labour room entitles them to say how exhausted they are.

FourLittleDudes · 27/07/2013 15:02

I really hate it when I read "well I'm a single parent and..."

So what?

The OP isn't a single parent and deserves a bit of pampering - she is growing a human being and its bloody hard work. Plus, she only has a few weeks left before the hard work really starts. At 36 weeks pregnant I couldn't sleep, couldn't roll over, had heart burn, swollen ankles, stabbing cervix pains, backache, etc etc so Mr Bejeena should drag his backside out of bed and make his partner breakfast!

Oh, and I am a single parent to Four children, and have been since I was 6 weeks pregnant, with an 18 month old toddler, school runs etc if the 'my life is harder than your life' is being played.

internationallove985 · 27/07/2013 15:14

Hi Fourlittledudes so by saying "so what the o.p is not a single parent and deserves a bit of pampering." Yes I agree she is growing a human being and it is hard work but it's also hard work for single parents and their unborn babies are just as precious so if you're saying married women deserve to be pampered then so do single parents.
I'm sorry but my view still stands no-one carried me around or worshipped me and nor did I expect them to either. Women are having babies every minute of the day. xx

NatashaBee · 27/07/2013 15:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FourLittleDudes · 27/07/2013 15:23

I mean, pregnancy is hard work, its hard work for every woman, married or single and in an ideal world every pregnant lady would be able to relax and be pampered a bit. Luckily the OP has someone there who could help her out and take care of her a bit, and just because some of us don't, it doesn't mean that we should begrudge her having someone to help out.

FourLittleDudes · 27/07/2013 15:24

My wording is all over the place, my 6 months is trying to eat the phone!

GreenShadow · 27/07/2013 15:27

I wouldn't be impressed if I was woken up at the weekend for 'nothing'.

Maybe ask him when he is awake, but please don't wake him just for this.

BabyMakesMyEyesGoSleepy · 27/07/2013 15:30

YANBU to want breakfast in bed when he said he would do it for you,YABU to expect to be waited on hand and foot.

internationallove985 · 27/07/2013 15:35

One thing I did notice when I was having D.D men where a lot more attentive to me i.e asking how I was ect and making sure I had a seat ect.

I think with women the one's who've had the joy of being pregnant tend to think and I very much include myself in this "Well I went through it and no-one carried me around and the ones that haven't are do I dare say jealous and want to go through it. Men seem much more in awe of pregnancy than women are. xx

SchnitzelVonKrumm · 27/07/2013 15:40

You sent a text from the baby? Passive-aggressive much?

fakebook · 27/07/2013 15:47

Pffaahahaha!

YABU! I'm sorry, but you're not the only woman in the world to get pregnant. Have some self respect and make it yourself and stop this pitiful behaviour.

Ime though, my DH has become more thoughtful with each pregnancy. First time he had no idea wth I wanted or what to do. Second time he was better. This time he's been buying my food cravings on the way back from work for me to indulge in. I still make my own breakfast.

BabyMakesMyEyesGoSleepy · 27/07/2013 15:54

First pregnancy dh laughed as I tried to roll-scooch out of the bed. Second pregnancy he learned to help me lest his genatalia be used as hoist.

Bogeyface · 27/07/2013 15:55

This isnt about the breakfast though is it?

Its about broken promises and sulking. FFS, she was afraid to wake him to do something he promised to do because it might put him in a bad mood for the rest of the weekend, that is not on!

He doesnt like helping out with the cooking and cleaning and expects her to do it all. That is very lazy and selfish.

I would be stamping in it right now, otherwise it will be hell on toast when the baby arrives.

littlemisswise · 27/07/2013 15:56

I managed to make mine and DS1's breakfast when I was on crutches with very severe SPD from 19weeks pregnant with DS2. I even managed it from a wheelchair!

YABVU!

AnaisB · 27/07/2013 16:02

You sent him a text from the baby?? - YABU

and waking him to get you breakfast is U too.

You risk turning this into something you can't win - forced "pampering" will never feel like pampering - it will feel like a shallow victory and leave a sour taste.