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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not have a clue how to deal with jealous mil

44 replies

PrincessScrumpy · 26/07/2013 16:22

This had been in the back ground ever since feel was born 5 years ago and my parents decided to move closer... Still just over an hour away so we don't see them lots but when dtds were born dm was brilliant helping with feel while we were in scbu etc - mil is 4 hours away and never offers any help. Any way that's the brief run down. Mil often makes comments re my parents seeing dc more etc and dh usually responds by saying that they have free train travel and mil doesn't work school holidays so just come down... She won't go on a train without fil so that's out and won't drive on motorways or in the dark (- she's 53 and capable just nervous).
Usually it's manageable but this week out has gone to another level and I have no idea how to deal with it other than laugh (which didn't help). My dad mum dh and I ended up having a jokey fb thread saying if there was a zombie apocalypse we'd go to my parents' as they grow their veg, have chickens (eggs), live in the middle of no where and dad has garden equipment we could use as weapons. Clearly not a serious conversation, in fact dad added my mum could scare the zombies with her face (obviously mum saw this but not an issue). Mil is really upset that we've once again chosen my parents over dh's. we've pointed out it's not real but she's still not speaking to us. She is nuts isn't she? Or aibu?

OP posts:
LookMaw · 26/07/2013 16:25

Nutty as a fruitcake.

Sleepyhead33 · 26/07/2013 16:30

She is obviously extremely sensitive about this and her relationship with you and the children. Hiwever I do think the zombie/face comment was ride. are you sure she isn't annoyed about that?

Justforlaughs · 26/07/2013 16:31

Sounds like she's nuts, maybe add a line to your fb chat saying that if you get bitten by a zombie and "turn" you'll bite your MIL first Wink

riskit4abiskit · 26/07/2013 16:31

Haha! Tell her at least she wasnt mentioned as the zombie bait! Sounds like a good thing if she is ignoring you? Enjoy the peace, she will soon forget about it.

Sleepyhead33 · 26/07/2013 16:31

oops, read again. Your dad was talking about your mum not Mil so not that then.

eurozammo · 26/07/2013 16:32

Tell her that come the zombie apocolypse you will give due consideration to coming to her place instead in amongst the screaming and panicking about the approaching undead.

PrincessScrumpy · 26/07/2013 16:34

my mum and dad have that kind of relationship so him insulting her is nothing new - she insults him back. it's love really (would never say something like that to mil as a joke)!

OP posts:
gatsby79 · 26/07/2013 16:36

She does realise there isn't really a zombie apocalypse going on right now, doesn't she? Yes she is being whacko unreasonable.

Kat101 · 26/07/2013 16:39

Feel a little sorry for her. Does she have little else in her life to occupy her time? My MIL is a bit like this, she is welcome but won't get the train or bus thereby adding time and energy pressure on our non stop exhausting lives. Hence visits are less frequent than she'd like.

Invite her down at a time that's convenient for you, doesn't have to be imminent, she's feeling unloved and left out.

Songbird · 26/07/2013 16:40

I think you need to sit everyone down (possibly with a flip chart) to discuss the pros and cons of each parents house (and your own) as Zombie Defence Headquarters (hereafter ZDHQ). It may be that on reflection her house will come out as a better ZDHQ - who knows until you lay it all down? I think YABalittleU not to consider all your options.

Seriously though, this is fucking ridiculous (and I can't stop chuckling!). She can't get the train without her DH there? WTAF?

Twirlyhot · 26/07/2013 16:43

I'd straighten my face (Grin at zombie apocalypse envy) and say 'We would love to see more of you and so would the DC. Would you please try doing the train journey on your own.'

Madamecastafiore · 26/07/2013 16:44

I'd tell her to put some big girl pants on and stop being so bloody pathetic. Tell her if she wants to visit more she can but needs to use a suitable method of transport which enables her to do this, if she can't then it is her problem.

A bit of nipping in the bud and making her see the light whilst smelling the flowers and coffee is in order and sometimes a short sharp sentence does this better than pandering to someone being pathetic.

Tee2072 · 26/07/2013 16:45

Anyone who is jealous because of ZDHQ, should probably be on some sort of MH meds.*

*As I take several MH meds myself, I am qualified to say this.

ENormaSnob · 26/07/2013 16:45

She is pathetic.

SanityClause · 26/07/2013 16:48

Can I come to ZDHQ?

I have an ugly face.....

LessMissAbs · 26/07/2013 16:49

I've noticed that a lot of people who have led quite limited lives and not learned many of the life skills that are useful, such as driving, using public transport on your own, etc might well be lacking in confidence but have also become accustomed to other people running around after them. Its just a difference between your lot and his lot.

Maybe make the effort to visit them once or twice a year yourselves, possibly you do this already, as I doubt they're going to change although if MILs only 53 you'll have a lot driving to do

Damnautocorrect · 26/07/2013 16:50

Songbird that's a fab idea, tonight I'm getting the projector out and working out our zdhq!

She's being rediculous, but I do second the pp who said she's feeling unloved.

EldritchCleavage · 26/07/2013 16:53

Well you should ignore her. Your DH can talk to her.

I think he could afford to be a bit sympathetic, because although she is being daft, she is obviously hurt. Where he needn't compromise is on the practicalities. You can't always be driving there (though perhaps you could arrange a visit to mollify her) so he can tell her quite plainly she can come to you if she wants more visits, and if she won't it really isn't fair to characterise the lack of contact as the two of you favouring your parents.

It is very sad if she hasn't got the relationship she wants with her son and DIL but it takes both sides to work on it.

YouTheCat · 26/07/2013 16:56

Pat her on the head and tell her you'll come to them first if there is a zombie apocalypse really and you were just joking. Grin

PrincessScrumpy · 26/07/2013 17:02

We do visit and reality is my parents run a business so we don't seem them much more than pil anyway. We've invited ourselves to pil for 4 days this summer but a 4 hour drive with 2 20mos and a 5yo isn't the easiest thing plus dh works some weekends and we can't keep paying out for fuel.
dh worked out mil hasn't called him for 3 months (he calls her) and she only asks how dc are not us (or even him). There was a big family meal 2 months ago for dh's granny which we weren't invited to because they didn't think we'd want to go.
I do like mil but she goes through phase - must be that time of year again lol

OP posts:
CheeseandPickledOnion · 26/07/2013 17:08

YANBU. She's a nutcase.

whois · 26/07/2013 17:09

I have little time for people so pathetic that they 'can't get on a train without DH' She needs to sort her shit out and make the effort to visit if she wants. Can refuse to travel down then complain she doesn't see te grandchildren.

Fairy130389 · 26/07/2013 17:17

Fruuuuiiiiitcake.

I am, however, slightly jealous.
I wish my MIL wasn't talking to me.
She lets herself into my house and organises my step daughters sock drawer.
Then complains that it is 'unfair' that I don't do it for her. She is 8.

She also drinks my baby's formula as it 'tastes nice'.

I'm with you, comrade.

PrincessScrumpy · 26/07/2013 17:18

Glad you agree - I think her nuttiness is so extreme I was starting to think I'd missed something.

OP posts:
phantomnamechanger · 26/07/2013 17:20

insane!