TidyDancer's bridezilla thread part 2

[TidyDancer]

New thread. :)

marking my place too :)

Seems a long time from now until Tidy gets back from her daily business to update this evening. Drums fingers.....

I like that Triggles

Oh I don't know... at this stage, when it seems the bride is a total fruitloop, it might be as well to just say 'How rude. No!'

Another vote for SarahAndFuck's response.

I like

the post in this thread by BalloonSlayer Thu 25-Jul-13 08:55:41

and the poem by VicarInaTutu Wed 24-Jul-13 22:31:19 in the previous thread

My prediction - the bride will have a few RSVPs for people that cannot come, she will decide that Tidy can come after all, and then ask AGAIN if Tidy will decorate the wedding venue.

waiting.....

I agree the OP's 'friend' has behaved badly, but they have been friends for years and presumably this must be for a reason. Why not meet for a coffee and try to explain to her (in a kindly and patient way) why you are upset? You may be able to make her see why her actions are so upsetting. This is what the poster did in the wedding planner thread and it turned out there were underlying problems that led to the new mother's behaviour - if the poster in that thread had just given up on her friend when she behaved badly the outcome would have been very different. Please be kind to her OP, and find out why she is behaving like this.

I go with Mumsyblouse's response. You've been hurt by her and her subsequent actions and don't see anything wrong with saying that. I don't think that's giving her any "satisfaction" but helps put it into perspective. Or I also like the "I cant as I'm saving the date" response!!

Seasalt, she already had a conversation when she originally wasn't invited, I think to clarify that she wasn't invited despite the STD card and had left it at that until Tidy got an email asking her to decorate the venue.

Look, I could bullet-point all the ways your request is completely inappropriate but A) you have more important things to be thinking about right now and B) although I'm thoroughly taken aback by this I have no desire to further embarrass you. I'm quite sure, once the excitement of the wedding has died down, you'll see that your request was very ill-advised. No, I won't be available to help decorate but hope your day is wonderful.

This, by McBalls, is perfect. To the point, polite, not nasty and not harping on about no invite so she misses the point. And not burning any bridges or giving the bride any potential to turn this into you being the bitch.

Yes, understood Youthecat, I just wonder whether, given the development of the decorating request (which I agree is completely unreasonable) it might be worth finding out in a more kindly way why her friend is behaving like this. It must be out of character if they've been friends for so long. Just a thought.

SeaSalt you're a better person than I am, because I can't think of any possible legitimate reason why you make an old friend think they were coming to your wedding, tell them they weren't but you want their unpaid help organising it, and then when told "no way" come back not once, but twice to try to get them to change their minds. She's got more front than Blackpool and Morecambe combined.

I'm doubtless repeating what has already been said, but as someone who has spent the best part of the last 18 months planning a wedding, I have been up to my armpits in online forums and FB groups, I've read just about every wedding blog going and on top of that, have attended 4 weddings this summer not including my own. And I have a brain. And manners.

Given the above, I feel qualified enough in modern wedding etiquette to state unequivocally that in no circumstances WHATSOEVER is is an accepted norm to send save the dates BEFORE finalising your guest list.

IT JUST DOESN"T HAPPEN. EVER. She is a loon. She needs to realise that she has done a very abnormal and rude thing.

Father, on the face of it I completely agree, but I also remember the same things being said about the mother in the naming ceremony thread and it turned out there were underlying reasons for her behaviour that no-one could have guessed. It was only because the OP was kind and patient with her friend and valued the friendship enough to get to the bottom of her behaviour that the truth came out. We may not have all the facts and if they've been friends for so long it might be worth seeing if there's an underlying reason the friend is acting so badly. There may not be but I'd say it's worth finding out.

Seasalt - you're a nicer person than me.
I'd take it as the slight that it is, and strike her off my list.

Ordinarily, I'd agree with that sentiment but it has now been 3 requests from the bride and she still doesn't see how rude she has been.

Also, just because you have known someone since school, doesn't mean they are best buddies.

Same Pictish I cringe at the thought of 'sitting down for a coffee and a chat' with someone who has irked me so. Much easier to pretend they no longer exist. Perhaps not the most mature course of action, but then I'm immature with these things.

Hi F !

Oh dear, this is getting embarrassing isn't it ?

I didn't want to point it out before but you send out std cards for people who WILL be invited, so, you know, they can save the date for the big occasion ... so you can imagine my confusion when in fact we were not invited, leading on to astonishment when you wanted me to come and help on the day for those who are ...

Do i really need to point out how rude this is ?

So, no i am now not free on that day ( despite having previously 'saved the date') but wish you all the best !

Tidy

I agree it's a kind of a no-brainer that save the date cards are only sent to those that you are definitely inviting - as obviously if you're not invited, there's no need to save the date, eh?

But it sounds like the bride is much too far into bridezilla-land to understand at this point that she's committed a huge breach of wedding etiquette. Nor does it sound like she cares.

I quite frankly don't understand her desperate need to get Tiny to do this, to the point of alienating her. To be honest, I would be embarrassed to ask a guest at my wedding to do the decorating, much less someone that wasn't attending. Even asking guests to help kind of smacks of "hi, here's the invitation to the wedding, please bring streamers to hang and a table arrangement to share. "

I was curious - did she have a hen do for this shindig?

Seasalt the difference between this thread and the baby naming one is that in this thread the bride is not treating the op as a close friend is she, in that she has decided they are not close enough for her to invite to her wedding. So I wouldn't be arsed to try and talk about it either.

"Look, I could bullet-point all the ways your request is completely inappropriate but A) you have more important things to be thinking about right now and B) although I'm thoroughly taken aback by this I have no desire to further embarrass you. I'm quite sure, once the excitement of the wedding has died down, you'll see that your request was very ill-advised. No, I won't be available to help decorate but hope your day is wonderful."

This exactly. It is perfect and cannot be twisted back as Tidy being ungracious in not receiving an invitation.

Good Point YD

So she wanted people to save the date should he deign to invite them?

Yes EduCated It appears she sent out save the date cards so people could save the date just in case she decided they were worthy of an invite.