To be really embarrassed about state of my house after friends visiting?

[ComeTalkToMe]

Just that really... I live with my DH and 19 month old DD. We had another couple over tonight and they picked me up from work so we all came in at the same time.

Seeing my house through other's eyes I noticed how messy it is. We're about to decorate our living room so it looked particularly bad but in general the house looked bad.

I don't know how to get on top of this, it's not unlivable or really dirty, just messy. I've said to DH I'm not comfortable to have anyone else round until we have a much tidier house. He disagrees - AIBU?

Also any tips on getting organised/ tidy in a house with two naturally disorganised, working people?

Frobylo, your post made me smile .

My top tip is if your washing machine has a delayed start setting (and you don't live in a flat with thin floors!!!) pop in a load before you go to bed and delay the start. My machine comes on at 5am and is then ready for me to hang out before we leave in the morning.

Iamnotmyself... the first step is picking up a black bag then asking yourself 'do I really need all this'. DH, DC's and I rented last year whilst relocating, we put most of our stuff in storage and you would be surprised by the things you really do not need. Go on, aim for a carrier bag at a time!

I posted on FB about this the other day. I always feel that my house is a mess and get worked up about people coming over but I never care about a bit of clutter when visiting other people. Lots of friends commented saying they felt exactly the same and we should all lighten up.

The only thing I would really notice is if the house was dirty (proper dirt, not just a bit of dust) or smelled bad. Then I would be concerned for my friend. Otherwise, not bothered.

I'm actually avoiding doing housework at the moment :o Once I've written this post I'm off to sort out the DCs' toys into keep/loft/donate/bin. I've just put a whole load of stuff on Gumtree (no fees, unlike ebay) and had some interest so that's making me feel better too.

I love the 10 in 10 idea. Thanks!

I am naurally very untidy but to make matters worse I like it to be tidy... constantly chasing my tail. I have a dh, dd (3) she's the main problem and dd (8months). When things get really bad do one room at a time and start in one corner completely sort that area before getting sidetracked to another area. Seeing each area come clean and tidy motivates you round the whole room.

We're lucky in that we have a fairly large house but just means more places for us to drop shit in! Start with baby steps. I've also recently made sure I "straighten" before bed no matter how tired I am.

thankyou

But I already do try and get rid of things we don't need.

The thing is, where to put the stuff we DO need. I try and economise by keeping the children's clothes and they have big gaps between them, so this takes up some space. My sister is having the baby clothes as he grows out of them but she's only TTC at present so I'm still storing those in boxes.

I'm thinking we might need to move house one day soon - ds1 is 10 so needs a room, it's not a big room anyway, and then ds2 is 6 so eventually he won't be able to share with me and ds3...

I love this house but am struggling. I spend most of the time, day and night, thinking about where to put everyone and everyone's stuff! So it goes on...

froubyloo I love that post! I agree about different levels of tidiness/ cleanliness being acceptable. But do I have the only group of mum friends who always seem to have their house in order!

Love the tips on an emergency tidy but am going to try and committ to getting this sorted. Although not on my own so DH will be getting a kick up the bum.

cheerfulweather I agree, I actually think I could do more with DD if there was a general level of tidiness so I could relax and enjoy time with her rather than doing wee bits and pieces of tidying and still not really getting anything done!

I grew up in a house that was messy scruffy - It wasn't that clean either.
I spent much of my teenage years getting up early to try and clean and tidy it because I dreaded my friends calling round and seeing the state of it.
That 'feeling' has stayed with me though - even though I keep my house clean and tidy and its perfectly ok - I still get a feeling of dread if anyone is coming to visit. Its irrational now because there is no need for it.
I wish it had not affected me so much because really - people are different - some are organised and tidy and others are not.
My mum used to say 'Your friends are coming to see you! not the house! - If they are real friends they won't mind the mess!'

I can see what she meant but it didn't help me at all!

"I have two issues. One, three children and one is a baby so it's just me and them, and often I cannot do anything because I'm holding #3."

That gives you an automatic pass!
However, if it's depressing you, then it's worth doing something about. I agree with get rid of stuff (though I too struggle to do this). A friend of mine lives in a small 2 bed flat and yet it is always immaculate with all "stuff" away neatly and decorated/ornamented tastefully. I have a huge house with no storage and struggle to find a space for everything, and I have no sense of style so we live in Magnolia Palace :o

oh sorry x post. Yes, some stuff is actually needed :)

Vacum bags really are fab for storing clothes and saving space. And send your sister the clothes now if she wants them. She can always say no if she doesn't. YYou don't have enough room.

Do you have anyone who can store the other clothes for you until you need them? There is big gaps between your dc so you are going to end up with more clothes waiting to be used than clothes that are being used by the whole family.

If not I would be tempted to only keep the very best most expensive things like going out stuff and replace every day things when you need them. EBay the rest and save the money to replace from ebay or even primarni or the supermarkets.

It can seem overwhelming when you don't know where to start so ow about trying to tackle one room at a time.

OP I know just how you feel and I have felt like this since my dds were babies. How do other people always have tidy houses? How do other people do it?

I feel I have found the answer:
1: They have less stuff/throw out more
2: Both partners/parents have a tidy up each and every day.

We have ALOT of stuff, not quite hoarding tendencies, but I allow my kids to keep their toys/stuff they have made/stuff they are in the process of making etc. for longer than most of my friends it appears. I am currently throwing out/charity bagging/ebaying lots of stuff and it is very satisfying.

Also it is sad, but true that if I don't do it - no one else will. DH tidies by shoving stuff on the top shelf of bookcase until it eventually topples and has never opened a letter or filed anything in his married life. I sometimes go through stages of really keeping on top of everything...then I get really tired cos it is just me and then give up. I was ill over Christmas and when I came back to life after ten days in bed, the house was a proper shit hole.

I nag/beg/gently remind/go mental from time to time, but the changes are never maintained.

Remember OP you are not the only one who lives there, uses the loo, eats off those plates etc.

I go through stages where not having an immaculate house really irritates me, but when you have children and a job it is impossible. TBH I would love to see another friend's house in a total mess. I would not judge - I would be just delighted.

If I go round to someone's house, I might notice if they are messy (and think, phew it's not just us) but I would only think 'ugh' if their bathroom or kitchen were really filthy e.g. toilet covered in hairs. I feel a lot better about having visitors since I went on FlyLady (can't do the whole thing, too intensive for me) and learned about 'swish and swipe' so my bathroom is always basically clean and the kitchen (with sink cleared) is also the same. Piles of stuff I am less good at, and I don't have the time/motivation to do it all properly, even though everything on there makes sense (you can't clean messy surfaces, it's easier to clean non-cluttered areas being the most obvious).

iamnotmyself that does sound really tough, sounds like you are keeping a lot of stuff not currently being used which would be hard in a bigger house, never mind a flat! Could someone else help you store some things not currently in use?

Something I am constantly amazed by is that me and DH used to live in a very small one-bed flat, we now live in a three-bed semi-detatched... and it's full of clutter. How did that happen?

froubylou I'vr got DH getting some of those vacuum bags, might pack my winter clothes away... probably just in time to get them out next week or something but hey ho!

I think it's much better to get rid of stuff rather than buying endless storage.

^this. It's taken me a long time to realise it.

I am now working on massively decluttering our unnecessary stuff. Less is more. The 'm' thread on Good Housekeeping is a revelation, as is the book Simplicity Parenting. Honestly never thought I'd say that about minimalism!

There's a fly lady thread in the good house keeping topic - fledgling flyers where we loosely follow the fly lady system. I'm on my phone so can't link but do find us! It's made a big difference to me in less than two months. It's also a good place to chat and keep motivated!

fuzzpig I am having a similar revelation. I am fed up of shifting things I really don't use about the place. It is hard to get in the ruthless mindset though and even worse trying to encourage my children to be the same- they treasure every goddam toy from MacDonalds/tat they got from a party bag.

Ok so my house used to be so bad, I mean filthy that social services became involved :( It was my fault, and my natural untidyness was made much worse by severe depression. (not making excuses, but that's how it was)
With a lot of hard work, and help, I got the house spotless and kept it that way. Although imvho the se had unrealistic expectations about how tidy it should be. Anyway, eventually I was signed off and kept the house at a level I (and anyone who visited) said was great. Not as clean/tidy as ss insisted on, but 'normal' as in better than some houses I'd been to,not as great as others.

Then things changed, and I started to fall behind again. Then my ex mil phoned ss, saying that a bad smell was coming from my front door. A sw.visited, and said while it wasn't as tidy as they'd like (ie not perfect) they didn't feel they needed be involved, and the 'smell' was caused a damp wall that my ll hasn't got repaired.
They referred me to a local charity, so I now have a family worker who visits once a week, and sets me targets, such as organise all the toy boxes, bin 15 toys/clothes we don't need. As well as keeping the house clean and tidy of course.
Everyday have a set job, eg today I have to do laundry and Hoover. (actually I do laundry more than once a week but hey ho, thats the job they gave me)
Everyday I make sure I wash up and put away whatever we've had out.
The house is still untidy, I'm a hoarder, so I'm trying to chuckout/sell things we don't need. I don't have much storage, and can't afford to buy it.

I agree with the pps who said that different standards can make a difference. I've been to some friends houses, and they are immaculate, like show homes. Others are tidy but dirty, one friend, you 'stick' to the kitchen floor, and the house smells, only a bit, but still smelly. Then again, her kitchen floor is falling apart and her ll won't fix it. Then there are houses (like mine) which are clean but cluttered.
My mum will come round mine, and moan that its untidy, even though its clean. It gets me down.

Anyway, that became rather long! Sorry :)

I don't ask. I just bin/donate stuff. Very, very rarely does someone ask where a piece of tat has gone.

Some storage = good
Tons of storage = tons of stuff you probably should have gotten rid of. Think back - how many changes of clothes did you have as a child?

I kept all of pfb's clothes for No 2. Born in a completely different season and I have given tons of it away to friends. One friend with tons of attic storage and an intention to have kids at some point is taking all my mat gear and new baby stuff when it reappears from friends.

Be realistic. If you are efficient enough to ebay stuff, then great. If not, then just ditch it. I've ebayed and donated my "stuff", my DH hasn't done any of his in -12 months and I've had enough.

I'm off work tomorow, our cleaner is on holidays for two weeks and the house is gradually descending into chaos. Oxfam/front kerb is going to be my friend. I reckon in 6 months time my DH might notice that the ebay pile has disappeared and have a problem with it. momentarily but be secretly relieved that he doesn't have to do the listings

Baskets, baskets and more baskets. These have been a god send for me.

Even if you fill them with crap, just chuck a cushion or a folded blanket on top and hey, presto, instant tidyness.

I pick what suits me out of the fly lady program. Funnily enough I do make sure I have my shoes on, am dressed and have my face on before I start, it does help lol! I try to make sure dishes are always done, beds are made, one load of laundry a day etc. the most important thing is decluttering. Purge anything superfluous to your needs. The less crap you have, the less you have to contend with. You can't organize clutter!:)

I don't think YABU by feeling embarrassed. I find it annoying when people say "Bet no one ever says on their deathbed they wish they had spent more time cleaning". By being organized I think you spend less time cleaning and trying to resolve dilemmas like not having clean socks or being able to find important paperwork. You also save tons of money because things last longer when they're kept clean and you're not constantly replacing things you've lost. Finally, having a clean house is much better for your mental and physical health!

There are some brilliant tips on this thread. I also suggest that you think of this as a two phase program- phase 1 is to sort out the house and get back on top of things. Phase 2 is to work out a plan to keep on top of things.
For phase 1 make a list of each room that needs to be tackled. Then break it down to each cupboard/area, each shelf or drawer. This way even when you don't have much time you can sort just one drawer and still feel like you have completed something. You can tick it off your list and move on.
Something else that works for me is to have a little routine. Sunday nights I sort out my bag and get a couple of outfits ready for the week. I also do my nails and make a list of any appoinments I need to make. Mondays I pay bills, file paperwork, make appointments and take care of financials. Tuesdays I give the plants fertilizer and go to the gym. Breaking chores down and trying to complete a couple of small tasks a day is a good goal.
Like others have said having less stuff should be your goal...starting with toys. DS is now almost 8 and all of his toys are kept in one lidded wicker basket. For his birthday we ask that friends and relatives give cash, vouchers or themed pajamas and underwear (he really likes them!!) and he can then spend his money on Wii/video games or books. The last 'toy' I bought him was a chalk board from IKEA which he loves as he's into art. Having less toys brings less stress and mess into our home :)
For laundry I have a bit of a routine. I do it Fri-Sun only. The first load I do is stuff that needs to be air dried. That will go in Fri night, and get hung up to dry on my IKEA drying rack. When it's dry in the morning it gets put away and so does the rack. As each loads comes out the tumble dryer it gets folded very neatly and stacked in a basket. I have labled the inside of our drawers with the contents, ie. DH's socks & pants, Honey's t-shirts etc. When I take things out of the basket I put them in piles with like items, for example all DH's t-shirts in one pile etc. It is so quick and easy to put them away...just read the lable. I have also labled our TV remote controls as they kept getting mixed up!
Finding quicker ways to do chores is good...work smarter not harder! Wooden or tile floors can be vacuumed instead of swept. Spray diluted cleaning product directly on floor before mopping to avoid yucky buckets. Chuck some thick bleach down loos every night to avoid scrubbing. Line oven pans with foil to avoid scrubbing.
Sorry about the mega long post...

I go to a friends house to see them, unless the house is something from how clean is your house I really don't care.

My sister told me I had CHAOS - Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome.

She makes herself invite people over regularly during the week, purely to force herself to keep the house tidy. Tbh her house looks like a show home and I find her standards a bit intimidating!

Can't find who said it, but yes, I had very few things as a child, one pair of jeans, one pair of shoes, whereas today....well! An embarrassing amount of clothes and shoes, only a tiny fraction are actually worn.
I'm a hoarder and find it very hard to let go of stuff, although I've largely stopped bringing things into the house.

This thread is making me feel much better!

We're off to IKEA on Saturday for a big wardrobe, we're in an old terraced house with bugger all storage, so stuff is just piled everywhere. Because of the piles, it's very hard to clean, and the sheer amount of stuff to sort/ get rid of is overwhelming.

My mum's just been to stay and really motivated me to get cracking, plus we want to TTC DC2 and I've promised myself I won't bring another newborn home to this mess, it was so depressing bringing DS home and realising the House Fairy hadn't been to magically fix it while we were in hospital.