To be really embarrassed about state of my house after friends visiting?

[ComeTalkToMe]

Just that really... I live with my DH and 19 month old DD. We had another couple over tonight and they picked me up from work so we all came in at the same time.

Seeing my house through other's eyes I noticed how messy it is. We're about to decorate our living room so it looked particularly bad but in general the house looked bad.

I don't know how to get on top of this, it's not unlivable or really dirty, just messy. I've said to DH I'm not comfortable to have anyone else round until we have a much tidier house. He disagrees - AIBU?

Also any tips on getting organised/ tidy in a house with two naturally disorganised, working people?

[kiwimumof2boys]

messy or dirty ? I have a tiny area which is living room/playroom/study/dining room (phew!) which of course gets messy with 2 little kids and a baby but I make sure it is dusted/vacummed. Also that our kitchen surfaces are wiped down, and bathroom is clean. As long as it's not dirty, thats alright. I have been to my in laws some houses which are actually filthy (2 inches of dust, not been vacumed in an age, orange stuff in bathroom etc) and that is gross.

[MidniteScribbler]

I used to be shocking, then I just had enough of it one day and decided I didn't want to live like that anymore. It took a while to change my thought processes, but now I'm the complete opposite and get really twitchy when my place isn't neat.

When things are starting to get messy, I do "ten in ten". Ten minutes of putting things away/sorting/throwing out of ten individual items. That might be as simple as taking a sock to the laundry basket, or putting a DVD back in a case, but you can stop after you've done the ten things. No guilty feeling that you haven't done the whole room, but I generally guarantee you that you'll want to do another ten, then maybe another ten. Set small goals and try and change your habits, rather than trying to look at the whole house, which gets overwhelming.

[IneedAyoniNickname]

Another untidy house here :( too tired to elaborate, so place marking for tomorrow :)

[PlatinumStart]

My house is tidy and organised. It doesn't come naturally but I do now find it easy.

Sttorage is key - with the best will in the world your home is never going to be tidy if you cannot physically put things away.

Once you know things can be put away you need to deal with the psychological aspect. Never leaving a room empty handed work for me and dealing with things in small chunks works for me - so rather than think about clearing out the whole cabinet I will do one drawer, which inevitably leads to at least one more.

I insist the DC do 5 mins in their rooms everyday. I set a timer and if they don't then they lose privileges.

I love decluttering - I got into a bad habit of keeping things "just in case". Eg. I had 2 sets of extra duvets, in addition to the duvets/pillows/linens for the spare room and both DCs extra beds. So I got rid of the extra on the basis that if I ever did need a 4th and 5th duvet I would buy one - not having the clutter for a couple of years was well worth the £40 in Ikea if a genuine need ever arose.

[itsonlyapapermoon]

One word-Flylady. Has been my saviour. I could never keep on top of everything with 3 small children and a lazy ex-h, but the Flylady system made so much sense, and the house has never gotten back to the hovel it once was. Check out her website: flylady.org :D

[ComeTalkToMe]

Thanks guys, I'm using all this to formulate a plan and hopefully the embarrassment I experienced will be enough to spur me on to actually do something about it this time. I do think once we have storage and the place is tidy, I will invest in a cleaner once every two weeks to try and become house proud (well, a little bit!)

kiwimumof2boys I think mainly messy, it is things lying about waiting to be put away etc. Although this can sometimes mean that some rooms are not as clean as I would like. I do clean the bathroom and kitchen regularly, and there definitely isn't 2 inches of dust, maybe 1!

lessonsintightropes I'll check that out - thanks.

Midnitescribbler that gives me hope, I feel like I won't be able to change my ways, but if you're now the complete opposite, surely I can improve a lot!

itsonlyapapermoon do you follow the whole flylady thing? I have looked at this before and found it all a bit full on to be honest. I don;t really need to be told to 'get dressed to shoes'! Or did you mor ejust pick out what you needed?

[GoEasyPudding]

Yes, storage is key to success. My secret tip is to have some well thought out storage.
Look around the downstairs and see the spots that could fit in a bookcase, a sideboard, nest of tables, coffee table with a shelf underneath. Under the tv is also a good spot for stuff if you get the correct cabinet.
With the bookcase choose a spot where a very tall one can go, maybe an alcove.
I had a tall bookcase made which was cheaper than buying from the high street.
Upstairs each bedroom could have a tall chest of drawers. Get big baskets for toys. Bedrooms could have large tall wardrobes, ours are from ikea and skim the ceiling. Bedside cabinets could be the ones with a draw and a cupboard underneath.
I have a small house and so far so good, everything has a place and it looks ok.

[MrsPennyapple]

Flylady can be a bit full-on, I just pick the bits I like from it, and occasionally have another look if I feel things are slipping. One of the tricks I use is setting a timer for 15 min and doing as much as I can in that time. It also helps if you've got a list of tasks to tick off.

Another good one is keeping on top of the washing up. I don't go as far as shining the sink, but the kitchen looks so much better if there isn't a worktop full of pots waiting to be done.

It doesn't come naturally, I do need to make myself do it, but I know how much better I feel if the place is reasonably tidy, and if it's tidy it's easier to clean.

It might be a big job initially, but just make a start somewhere, doesn't matter where, and do what you can.

[flanbase]

As long as the place is clean that's all that matters

[ComeTalkToMe]

GoeasyPudding sound like getting enough of the right storage is going to be key. I'll have a look tonight at what is lying out and what storage solutions might help and then some investment maybe needed.

MrsPennyapple yeah, those things make sense, it's building it into everyday I suppose rather than a huuuuuge panic every so often. Need to do a list, just not us the fact I'm doing a list as a reason not to do anything else!

[melika]

I came from an untidy home and I am determined to be tidier. You have to be ruthless and chuck stuff out even if you half think you may use it.

I don't blame my Mom but there was always washing around on chairs etc and she never put it away. We had to move it to sit down!

Stack paperwork into one pile and tackle it once a week. Iron washing, hang it straight away. Limit ornaments. Tell them to used the closet for shoes, bags and coats. Good luck.

[noisytoys]

Second storage. We have just spent a fortune on decent, hard wearing, long lasting fitted storage and it was worth every penny

[Blondeshavemorefun]

Storage is the key - I have padded poofs in the living room for feet to rest on but Lids come off and store junk things I need

Also have one in the bathroom for toiletries - looks neat and tidy

Have drawers fitted into divan under both beds

Paperwork I put in one pile and try to file every fortnight /month and pay bills that aren't on dd

Cupboards with closed doors are a godsend and I have like a Welsh dresser and bookcase with cup airs underneath

Living room looks tidy but don't open the cupboard

And yes if you can afford it get a cleaner as you both work - if not then make a list and stick to it

Daily
Do washing up
Tidy surfaces
Fold and put away washing when dry
Hoover living room - but I hate a dirty floor but don't care about dust

Weekly

Bleach toilet
Change beds
Hoover - if not in the house much then might get away with doing hoovering once

[fedupofnamechanging]

I think that my problem is that I have a house which needs a fair bit of DIY and it makes the house look scruffy, even though I have quite good storage and it is clean (mostly).

For the last few years I have been getting upset every time I look at my garden, because it is such a wreck and I have been so envious of all those people whose kids can play in their gardens or who can sit out there on sunny evenings. Anyway, I decided, during this dry spell to stop looking at it and feeling miserable, but to get outside and start clearing it bit by bit.

It is still not properly usable because I need to spend money I don't currently have, to get it nice, but I feel so much better for having taken some action.

I have also started doing the cheaper things in the house - like painting walls, which makes a house look cleaner and less scruffy.

It's hard not to compare myself to wealthy friends, who can afford to do all their repair jobs in one go, or get people in to do the hard stuff - I have to do mine a bit at a time.

I've waffled a bit, but mostly what I wanted to say is that once you make a start, you will feel loads better.

[MrsHoarder]

Our "bedtime routine" has done wonders for the house.

Whilst DH baths DS I pick up that day's toys and throw them into a big box in the lounge and DS's room (too young to tidy himself yet). If I have time after that I also put away any laundry that is waiting (carried up to out bedroom as soon as possible after drying).

Then whilst I feed and settle DS, DH does all the washing up. If he's still washing up once DS is settled then I pick a room and just tidy for 10 minutes. So pick up everything that isn't away properly and sort it or bin it.

Now the house is basically tidy I tackle a "problem". So last night after I'd sorted the laundry and picked up clutter in our bedroom I emptied out my t shirt drawers and refolded the t shirts, getting rid of a few that are old and tatty. I can now shut my drawers without forcing them because they're no longer overflowing.

This means that within 30 minutes of starting to get DS to sleep the house is much tidier, and if you make it 5% better every day then it will be significantly nicer within a month. Of course it all goes to pot when DS decides to party instead of lie down and sleep...

[SlangWhanger]

DON'T bother being embarrassed noone else will care what your house looks like, as long as its not dirty.

I think it's much better to get rid of stuff rather than buying endless storage. You need to maximise the storage you have but I think it is counterproductive to 'buy' more storage. The only exemption would be to get a proper filing cabinet so all paperwork immediately has a place to go.

You have to live in the house you have so you need to make sure your 'stuff' fits into your house.

The bin and the charity shops are the way to go.

[BridgetBidet]

To be honest I tend to think that a lot of people will come round and think 'Oh, just like my house' and feel a bit relieved. And the ones who look down and think 'Urgh, what a messy house' I don't want to be friends with because they have nothing more interesting than cleaning to do and thus are boring people.

[ComeTalkToMe]

karmabeliever I know what you mean it's pretty useless feeling down about it, I need to take action and that will hopefully make me feel better and spur me on to further action. My garden needs a lot done too, it is useable but looks very scruffy. We also need a lot of DIY done but some of it is quite big projects so saving will need to happen first!

MrsHoarder that bedtime routine sounds like a good idea. At the moment we're both in the bathroom while we bath DD, total waste of time but she loves bathtime and we love the family time but maybe we can reinstate that when house is tidier.

threetomatoes I will do that!

[tedmundo]

One thing I have started doing is about once a week, taking a carrier bag and going round the house finding stuff to bin / charity shop.

Just one bag a week of the tat they get in party bags, from magazines, junk modelling from school (grrrr), clothes no longer worn etc.... Anything that will never be missed.

Then bin the tat and leave the charity stuff by the door for my next walk to high st.

It does help, I promise!

[tedmundo]

Ahh, crossed posts with slang .. Another supporter of bin and charity shop!

I should have added that if in doubt, don't bag the item, but I promise you if your hand hovered over it, it will be in the bag the next week!

Learning to let 'stuff' go is a skill. DH really struggles and I try not to force him as it tends to be a bit of an emotional crutch to hold onto stuff.

I am waaaay more ruthless! if an item does not survive the 'house fire scenario' test, it goes!

[claraschu]

Don't worry about people judging you. If they are judging, that's THEIR problem, not yours. You can't please everyone anyway; I, for instance, sometimes judge people with tidy houses and small children, as I assume that being tidy is more important to them than being creative and spontaneous. The truth is that I feel more comfortable with a bit of chaos around, especially if it's interesting chaos.

[froubylou]

You shouldn't feel embarrassed by your home, unless it is filthy.

I have 2 good friends from DD's school. One is someones who I would call posh, biggish house on a naice street, just 1 DD same age as mine. The other I would call lovely but a bit frazzled. She has 3 DC from 3 to 9, she and hubby both work, her 3 full days, him 6. Live in a house that is across road from where I grew up.

Posh friend (who is very, very lovely) was always inviting us in for coffee's/parties etc etc. Frazzled friend always said 'I'd love to have you all around but house a mess, having building work done, etc etc and would feel embarrassed.' I've always said 'just call in, house might be trashed if you come when I've been busy but call on a good day and you might get a piece of cake'

Both been in my home several times. Sometimes tidy, sometimes it looks like we have had a 'bad day'.

Eventually frazzled friend invited me in one day whilst I was collecting DD. Apologised for mess before I got over step. House was immaculatly clean, though untidy as you would expect with 3 DC. Told her as much and that she had been silly.

Went round to posh friends house for her DD's birthday party. Dear lord the filth pmsl. Dust bunnies 3 inch thick everywhere, couldn't see the side's in the kitchen for clutter, filthy floors, dirty washing waiting in a huge pile on kitchen floor and this is when she is expecting 6 mums to be dropping off/collecting DD's pmsl.

Me and frazzled friend walked home in silence. Frazzled friend got to her front door (her house is before mine) and said in a small voice ' house wasn't what I was expecting, was it you?' 'No' I said. 'Bit too lived in I think'. 'Do you want a coffee?' she asked? 'House might be a bit untidy but.......'

And the moral of that long winded story? Everyone has different standards of cleanliness. As long as you don't have limescale down your loo stained with poo, and as long as I won't get something awful from drinking from a cup in your house and the dog hasn't left a turd on your hall carpet (or if it has you've moved it and cleaned it a bit) I wouldn't judge you or think less of you.

We all now (gently) take the piss out of posh friend for her slovenly housewife skills. And she is a F/T SAHM so really has no excuse. She takes the piss out of us being anally retentive over cleaning and (gently) says you can tell a posh persons house by the layer of dust. The thicker the dust the posher they are. I don't agree but hey ho.

Some emergancy tips for a quick 2 min clean when visitors are descending and you don't have time for a full clean.

Get a washing basket and launch anything in there that is making it look untidy and shut it in your bedroom/cupboard.

Squirt some furniture polish in the air, smells clean then.

Chuck some bleach down your loo and wipe your basin with a flannel or anything to get rid of the toothpaste/soap grime. Fold a large towel over the side of the bath, it will hide at least half the tidemarks if you have them.

Quickly fill the sink (if you dont have a dishwasher) with hot soapy water and as the kettles boiling say 'oh, I'll just finish these pots'.

Shove any paperwork/newspapers/magazines in a pile and mutter something about the recyling needing to go out.

And when you do have the time to clean properly do 1 room at a time properly. De clutter, pull out furniture and move anything that doesn't 'live' in that room. As you start the rest of the rooms keep the ones you have done clean and tidy. Shouldn't take long at all once the main cleaning is done.

Be ruthless with junk and clothes and clutter. If you can't bear to throw away clothes that no longer fit get some of those vacuum bags and either shove them under a bed or in the loft. Once they have been 'out of sight' for 12 months or so when you find them again you will be more inclined to recycle the fuckers.

And stop stressing. DP's have some friends I was in absolute awe of. House always, always immaculate. Both work, 2 DCs under 7. After asking them how they did it they laughed at me and said they didn't. One of their mothers had the children 2 days a week whilst she worked. The mother didn't drive and lived 2 buses away so used to be dropped off by her DH at 7.30am, take kids to school for 9am then had 2 full days to clean for them. And iron. And do the washing.

Jealous much?

[cheerfulweather]

I disagree that being tidy and organised means there's a loss of creativity and your child doesn't do any messy play. That's one judgement I dislike, it's usually (not always) those trying to justify living in a mess.

A start might be to make sure there is at least one room ready to bring guests, so perhaps start with the sitting room, or even the hallway. Also the bathroom, in case somebody needs to use the loo.

[Iamnotmyself]

I have a similar problem and a current embargo on visitors.

I have two issues. One, three children and one is a baby so it's just me and them, and often I cannot do anything because I'm holding #3.

Two, there's nowhere to put anything anyway.

We have too much stuff for our house to cope with.

Two bedrooms, three children - finally ds1 has his own room, but I'm sharing with the baby and ds2 (and his cabin bed)

I don't even know where to store clothes, there's no attic, it's a flat, there's a cellar but that's damp so everything I put down there rots. No shed.

I try and try to rationalise it all but often just sit down in despair. We cannot see the floor.