To have confronted this poor excuse for a mother?

[TeddyPickleStick]

So I'm sat at work, window open. I hear a commotion outside so get up and look out the window. There is a heavily pregnant woman with two small children - a boy of around 3 and a girl of maybe 4.

She is screaming at the boy .. ' you fucking piece of shit, what the fuck are you doing? ' and ' Come on you little prick ' etc etc.

I shout down ' Don't do that! Don't say that! ' in complete shock. ' Who the fuck are you? Fuck off ' she shouts back.

I then deliberated on what to do. I felt really angry so ran down the stairs onto the street but she had gone into the bank. And then I ground to a halt and couldn't work out what to do.

So did nothing more. I mean, what CAN you do? Only a bit of swearing after all eh? I have no idea what I would have done if I'd managed to confront her anyway.

I detest this, really hate it. If you swear at your children like this, in the street, then you are a shit parent.

Aren't you?

I don't care what anyone thinks but I would never talk to my kids like this, in the home or outside. I may think it. But that's as far as it goes.

Where is the love here? SS definitely needs to know.

I don't swallow the 'snapshot' theory either. When people show you who they are, believe them.

I see horrendous parenting regularly where I live, from parents whose language is a torrent of obscenity. The ease and casualness with which they let the words fall from their mouths shows that in fact, this is who they are. They talk like that all the time. I'm not saying that swearing equates to child abuse, but when I see parents on a bus peppering their language with fuck this and cunt that, I do hope that the kids are getting support from SS or whatever the appropriate agency is.

It makes me cringe every time I see or hear it. How can it not be shit parenting?

What a horrible thing for you to see OP. There are plenty on here using excuse after excuse to explain why this women's actions.

Fact is that some women just dont have a clue to being a parent and good for you to try and intervene as opposed to saying nothing and then wondering why we see so many cases of dreadful abuse of children reported in the media.

If she is like this in public what on earth is she like in private.

Mrs Keith Richards.

I think the first thing we do is get away from the idea that the parent has any rights in these circumstances because they just don't.

I think we don't place so much emphasis on the fact that a child's relationship with it's parent may be damaged. Quite frankly, I would rather deal with an emotionally damaged child then a child who has been beaten to death or starved to death by that parent.

In any event, I am sure we will agree that grave emotional damage is being done to a child who has to listen to that filth every day and who may live in fear of the next crack or scream. It seems to me that someone who is prepared to yell like that in PUBLIC is not going to restrain themselves at home..I don't think it is a huge leap to accept worse will go on in the home.

We must all say THIS FAR AND NO FURTHER and everytime we see it challenge the parent. If we know where they live or the car they drive report it to the police and follow it up by asking the police what they have done. But the least we must do is challenge it when we see it happening. Make it taboo. It won't work all the time but it will work some of the time.

The bottom line is better an alive child than a dead one. Better a parent upset that they are challenged than one who is condoned because no-one challenged them.

Who cares about the parent in instances like these? I don't.

"I don't think it is a huge leap to accept worse will go on in the home."

See, I don't agree with that. Many people say that : "if it's like that, imagine what goes on behind closed doors".
I think it IS a huge leap. You are assuming/presuming.

You have NO IDEA what I am like at home. You see me at work, in the playground, shouting at the children, to get in the car.... and you now KNOW what I am like at home? Do you?

NO. We have NO IDEA what someone is like at home.

Everyone assumes they are worse. But are they? Categorically they will be, 100% sure?

Oh, and, another point. SWEARING. Although swearing is not ideal. I try to very very rarely swear. Some people swear in every other sentence. Some of these people, who swear all the time, are professionals, some of them parents, some of them not. Its not actually a crime is it?

Is it abuse? Does it fall under the category of abuse? Many children presumably live with parents who swear ALOT. Swear when speaking, swear at the children, all sorts.
Are you seriously expecting SS to do/be able to do/ want to do anything about this?

Of course not. Of course SS can't.

GET REAL.

Oh dear.

It's not just swearing though, is it? It's 'you fucking piece of shit, what the fuck are you doing?'.

You fucking piece of shit.

Not 'for fuck's sake, get in the car' or 'will you put your coat on, how many fucking times!'

It's you fucking piece of shit.

So no, not ideal.

Yes, Dolly, that's it.

There is a big, huge, difference between someone who says, 'pass me the fucking remote control' or 'I'm fucking hot' to someone who verbally abuses a child as this woman was doing.

What would Oblomov have thought if she had heard someone screaming this to an adult with special needs or a carer doing this in an old people's home or a nurse saying this to a patient or a man yelling it to his wife or even a man yelling it to his dog.

Thank goodness, Oblomov's view appears to be an unusual one.

Actually, if I heard someone continually swearing at their children like that in a playground situation as Oblomov describes, displaying verbal abuse MORE OFTEN THAN NOT, not just a one off, I would bring it to the attention of the child's teacher, so that she was aware.

There is nothing wrong with making an assumption on the evidence one has seen and heard where child safety is concerned. Better to make a mistake than wait for the irrefutable proof of a dead child.

I don't care if that upsets the parents: the child's right to safety trumps their feelings.

Nobody is a perfect parent but it does shock me to hear people verbally abuse their children like this. I was driving somewhere the other day and heard a woman shout at her son who was about 3 or 4 'SHUT UP YOU LITTLE TWAT'.

I can't ever imagine speaking this way to my kids but probably they've been spoken to this way by their own parents and see it as normal.

I heard a woman shouting 'you fuckin little cunt!' as I walked into a car park loo yesterday. Couldn't see her as she was in the stall, but her son, who looked about 9 or 10 and was obviously waiting for her, looked embarrassed. While I was in the loo, I heard him shout 'Dad, Mum says park in the disabled space.'
I kid you not.
Wasn't prepared to have a stand-up row with her over it (saw her leaving clutching a toddler), as I've done that in the past and it's backfired spectacularly.
It's a horrible way to behave but I can't see how a challenge from a mealy-mouthed (to her) member of the mc would change anything. Don't think she'd have given me her address for ss either.

I just read this thread through from start to finish. It MN at its worst. Lots of stupid assumptions, goading, point scoring, twisting of words and arguing for the sake of arguing.

It's pointless.

This awful parenting needs to be seen as totally unacceptable. The fact some are trying to make excuses for her shows that it could well be on its way to being acceptable looking at the number of excuses people are offering re this woman's behaviour.

We are more and more tolerant. Do what you like, you will be supported. Last night a young lad was found guility of deilberating setting a house on fire killing 4 children. The mother had a drug problem and clearly was not able to cope and no idea of her responsibilities. However I am sure money has been thrown at her and she has been 'supported' by all the normal resources. She decided she would have all these children by different men and refuse to change her lifestyle. Now 4 children are dead.

Yet she went on to have more children (now 9 in total) she clearly cannot bring up. We need to see this sort of feckless, irresponsible, stupid behaviour as a real problem in our society as opposed to giving chance after chance.

I am not sure it is pointless. I think most on this thread have seen something like this? I was in Italy last year and a young girl of about 3 came over to the bench we were sitting on who was part of a young crowd a few yards away. It was clear they were drunk and they were giving the girl the beer bottles they were drinking from.

I have seen a mother literally use similar words others have mentioned and then slap the child across the face for crying. I spoke to the manager of the shop where it happened and he said he would call the police but he said nothing would be done. It was nothing unusual in the area....

I hate the attitude on here that you absolutely must not judge someone on a snippet of their lives.
As others have said, swearing because someone has cut you up on the road for example is completely different to calling a child a fucking useless cunt.
Anyone who is capable of speaking to their child like that is highly unlikely to be doing it as a one off imo.
Rightly or wrongly it's human nature to judge and make assumptions.
There is a family at my child's school who often swear at their kids in front of everyone, I've even heard them calling their son who has sen a 'fucking retard'.
Do I judge them? Yes I bloody well do.

Dear mrs.deVere...you are doing wonderful terrible work.Thank you from someone who is too cowardly to even go there.You do underestimate the shock of the Op. on encountering this ,herself being pregnant.We are not all from the same background.

This same thing happened to me and my husband quietly had to mouth to me to leave it alone. I wept all weekend for a poor little mite and wish I had never seen this underbelly.

I can see, SHOTGUN, that you might not want to challenge this woman and that is fine if you have reason to be nervous of her. I guess what I mean is that if confronting these individuals was done for a lot of the time, in the end, it would be easier for all of us to do it.

It's about making an atmosphere where we feel, as a society, that this abuse will not be tolerated.

I certainly would not ask for her address, these people are aggressive and awful but IF I knew it already (eg it was a neighbour or a mum at school) then I would pass it on and follow it up by asking if they had made a visit.

Yes, I know they are under resourced but checking that a child is not in danger is surely a priority.

As a society, we need to be able to create an atmosphere where it is perfectly reasonable to challenge a child being called a fucking little cunt on the street. Yes, let's make assumptions. Don't wait for incontrovertible proof such as a battered, starved or dead child. We shouldn't need to KNOW if the evidence means it is reasonable to assume.

We don't need 100 percent proof (that's why we have juries)

If the parent is upset or offended, that's risk well worth taking when weighed against the safety of a child.

It should be as unacceptable as any of the other examples I gave up thread. Substitute 'child' for old person, sen adult, patient or even dog. Yelling 'cunt' at those people would not be acceptable and nor is it to a child.

Miss Marple is spot in. Make it acceptable to challenge this behaviour. Some will say it will then be done in private (or maybe the women doesnt recognise that this is not normal, acceptable behaviour) and then perhaps they will find not doing it in public will make them think about not doing it in private.

And I so agree 'lets make assumptions before it is too late'.

This thread has made me cry.

Yadnbu! I Witnessed a small child being smacked round the head in tescos last weekend and this was also followed by a few awful sware words as well. The poor child wasnt doing anything wrong and was obviously just bored with being in the supermarket . I did confront the parent and was subjected to a torrent of abuse. Some people shouldnt be allowed to have kids.

if I see a child being fucked out of it in a public venue, I hope that I will say something to the adult and I really don't give a flying fart if they are upset or feel the accusation to be unjust.

If they don't want to be called on it, then don't do it.

Whether that is the first time they have done it or not (ha ha) they have done it that time and once is too much. That is the picture, everything else is just not relevant. If it is the first time, then if she is shown up for it, it will probably be the last. if she gets away it, it sure as hell won't.

Before too long, if everyone did it, it would be as unacceptable as it is now to drink and drive or smoke in a café.

Some things are bad enough to make the offender feel shame, it is that sense of shame, of being made to feel a pariah that helped with those campaigns. It won't wipe it out, drinking and driving isn't wiped out but it will make it unacceptable.

Words really matter.

What you/me/people speak out over our children matters.

To try to argue that calling someone a repugnant name is acceptable (?) because the parent might be having a bad day has shocked me on this thread. There is a difference between 'judging' and listening to the inner voice (conscience) which tells us that this behaviour by a parent is wrong. Well my conscience does loudly and clearly.

If they don't want to be called on it, then don't do it.

Thing is, anyone with the brass neck to spout obscenities at their child in public doesn't care about being called on it. They'd twat you one as soon as look at you, so why would concern about what you might think of them even enter their head?
Half the time, ss are too scared to go into their houses.

I hate hate hate seeing this stuff or even the thought that it exists but I just don't know of a way of calling anyone on it without coming off, at best, a public spectacle.

Good luck with your one women crusade though.

One woman crusade.