Brownies pamper party AIBU?

[lovesmileandlaugh]

My 7 year old DD went to the end of year Brownies 'pamper party' last night. She HAD to go in pyjamas to enjoy the fun and came home plastered in make up, red lipstick, glitter, painted nails, curled hair.

I'm annoyed for a few reasons.

1. Brownies (to me) is about developing skills and promoting positive female role models. Not dressing up little girls like WAGS for fun. What ever happened to a good game of rounders on a sunny evening as a treat? I would have expected brownies to provide more of an antidote to the early sexualisation of children.

1. The red lipstick was used on all the girls. I wouldn't use a lipstick that had been used by 30 different people before me, surely this is basic hygiene? One of DD's friends has cold sores and my DD has eczema on her face around her mouth, so I am concerned about the infection risk. Also concerned about headlice as there is an outbreak and they were going head to head with combs.

1. The girls are not allowed make up/ nail varnish etc for school, so it all had to be taken off when they got home anyway.

I really want to complain about this but I can't decide if I'm being a bit unreasonable!

Excellent point Blu, it is indeed voluntary in all areas. So, rather like membership of The Jehovah's Sunshine Squad for God's Little Warriors, I would hope that my DD would think before joining, and continue to think during her membership.
Fortunately she did.

You need to switch her to beavers/cubs depending on her age to cut this sort of nonsense out of her life until she is older.

Pampering cubs stylee would have been possible along these lines

1. an introduction to the use of liquid soap, all the better to remove grime from under the fingernails

2. guidelines for getting a good slathering in sun screen all the better to run around outside in all weathers

3 a fashion module along the lines of which is the best type of waterproof clothing and how to avoid trench foot at a very wet camping weekend.

and so on.

I've been thinking about this a bit more and Eyesunderarock has it about right. AFAIK Brownies should be finding out about hygeine and cleanliness and making your own soap/showergel/even how to do your own hair comes under this remit. Prettifying yourself doesn't IMO and particularly not sharing lipsticks/hairbrushes etc.

I think as lottiegarbanzo says - the guiding movement has a certain ethos which should shape its activities. It's not just a youth group run by volunteers, the leaders have training to ensure the group provides oportunities for growth within the guiding movement. IMO pamper parties don't tick many boxes

I do agree criticising when you don't offer to help yourself is poor form, but the OP has said she volunteers in other capacities. OP it does sound like it might be worth seeking out another group for your dd (although presumably she has friends at this Brownie pack?)

each to their own. your choice op. personally I liked my dds and dss to attend a range of clubs that offered widely different experiences and none were taken too seriously as clubs should be fun really.

I love a bit of pampering and so do my teen girls but both also play rugby and cricket and one runs for the county.

there is room for all activities you know and one pamper session does not a WAG make.

Oh, for goodness' sake - everyone is taking this much too seriously. It was ONE evening!!!

I don't think I have even mentioned whether my DD enjoyed this or not! Exactly what I was just going to ask you. Did she have fun?

Exactly. She's bloody seven! I know I'm ancient but when I was seven it were all fields I wouldn't have known what to do with a lipstick, or been remotely interested.

I was going to say that YABU if the pamper party was a one-off event which is balanced by a range of other, more traditional, Brownie activities.
However, as you say they have done no other activities at all, YANBU to think that the pack aren't really living up to expectations. But it does sound like quite an unusual pack.

YANBU. I agree with you (and I do assist at Rainbows every week and run some activities.)

Yadnbu, of course!

Do they still do a hostess badge, or whatever it was called, at brownies?

Every brownie pack is different depending on the leaders and changes over time depending on the girls. If all the girly girls are at this pack then there is probably an alternative much less girly pack she could join. Or you could join as a leader or unit helper and run some more mucky and adventurous activities.

I help at two local brownie packs, one would go to the pack and just let the girls play on the playground equipment, the other went to the park and did a penny walk.

YANBU

Good god, get her into scouting instead.

i take a guide group - granted the girls are a bit older - and they often ask to do this. i have reservations and so have the compromise of it only happens a few times a year and includes something about health. for example, one time they made smoothies and talked about vitamins and stuff that helps them have good skin and general good health. another was a talk by a beauty therapist who explained the importance of taking make up off right and what ingredients in make up can irritate sensitive skin.

guides is about the girls having fun, meeting new people and learning new things. i don't see any harm in it for a party as long as the rest of the year has other activities. i know that when i try to get my 20 odd guides to do something that is very worthwhile and teaches them something useful and new, if they aren't up for it the evening is hell.

OP please contact your district or division commissioner with your concerns in your 2nd(?) post

" think I will be finishing with Brownies though. I have had other issues which weren't really relevent to this AIBU (leaders shouting at the girls to 'shut their bloody gobs', stood smoking outside in front of the girls, no trips, no badges done). There has never been a list of termly events as they've never actually done anything. I loved Brownies and I felt a strong positive female group would provide more in boosting self-confidence and being strong as young women. Not being tarted up to look pretty for the boys!"

I think your dd's leaders could do with some support/guidance. It doesn't sound much like good guiding to me :( You should have the DC/Div Com's details on the Starting leaflet, assuming you were given one. If not, google contact details for the county office (try girlguiding xxxx) and ask them to pass on your concerns?

YANBU

Am lolling at all the 'get her into scouts' ing going on.

Yeeees, the scouts, where for one night the cubs were taught (in some sort of home 'help' badge) , to iron their neckers, Hoover a rug, sew on one of their own badges, and make a hot drink... And one of the leaders yelled down the hallway 'oi, you lot, what are you doing all that women's work for?'.

So inspiring.

We planned our spa evening around making bath salts and exfoliatir and moisturiser out of natural kitchen ingredients, and had a long chat about hygiene (we had to - couple of the girls were having real issues with body odour). No make up, and we were keen to avoid the 'looking pretty by putting slap on" message. We'd also done night hikes, camping and what not.

Equally, my cubs did watercolour painting, cooking, and the aforementioned home help badge - as well as building dens out of deadfall.

There's no real difference here tbh - except for the supervision and leadership requirements. Essentially, the scouts can do whatever they like, and the guides have a tight risk management policy in place. It doesn't stop you doing anything, but you have to plan in advance for safety. The cubs just get in a canoe in a flood zone. the activities are largely the same.

you're so right prissy! Guides and Scouts do exactly the same here as well, with the one difference that the Guide leader does the activity clutching a piece of paper entitled 'Risk Assessment'!

Sorry, that's tosh, prissy. In Scouts we have to risk assess everything constantly, there are thousands of factsheets on how to run adventurous activities and many of them require a trained permit holder to lead the activity. We don't just "jump in a canoe in a flood."

What we do is run challenging activities safely. If risk assessments are holding Guiding back then the leaders are not risk assessing properly.

"Child might fall in the water, don't go sailing" is not a risk assessment.

"Child might fall in the water, ensure lifejackets worn" is.

I agree, carabina. As I said, my DS is an Aspie, and whenever I've asked to see the RI for a trip to see if it covers him specifically, it's always been up to my exacting standards. I'm also a primary teacher, so I know what I'm looking for.
You shouldn't need to clutch the RI along with your pearls BTW, you should know it, as should all your adult volunteers. Perhaps that explains some of the discrepancies? Excessive caution?

I may be biased, but I feel that Scouting is about as "gender neutral" as it is possible to get.

Guiding is not gender neutral, and that was very much an active decision. What worries me is that some aspects of it reinforce female stereotypes. Badges such as Hostess, Party Planner, Confectioner and "Chocolate" (why, just why?) feel to me as though they belong in the 1950s.

Add "pampering parties" on top of that and there is a risk that the parts of Guiding are a long way from being "the ultimate feminist organisation" that the new Chief Exec declared it to be.

Not every Guide Group is like that, of course - some are just as adventurous as Scout Groups, but unfortunately quite a few are.

It is telling that we get a lot of girls asking to join Cubs & Scouts at around the age of 9/10 years old. The reason is always "she's had it with all the pink stuff". We never, ever lose a girl in the opposite direction after the age of 6.5.

I love the way that people are just making a massive generalisation about the whole of Girlguiding based on one meeting of one unit!

In the last year, we've done canoeing, campfires, science experiments, archery, baking, Scottish dancing, crafts, been visited by a Guide dog, learnt some BSL, been visited by a paramedic, the Entertainer's badge (they put on a show for their parents, the one girl who didn't want to perform did calligraphy for the programme)...

If anyone is interested, here is the complete collection of Brownie badges we currently offer. Brownies can do these at home or sometimes we do a badge over a few meetings.

www.girlguiding.org.uk/brownies/badges/index.asp