Brownies pamper party AIBU?

[lovesmileandlaugh]

My 7 year old DD went to the end of year Brownies 'pamper party' last night. She HAD to go in pyjamas to enjoy the fun and came home plastered in make up, red lipstick, glitter, painted nails, curled hair.

I'm annoyed for a few reasons.

1. Brownies (to me) is about developing skills and promoting positive female role models. Not dressing up little girls like WAGS for fun. What ever happened to a good game of rounders on a sunny evening as a treat? I would have expected brownies to provide more of an antidote to the early sexualisation of children.

1. The red lipstick was used on all the girls. I wouldn't use a lipstick that had been used by 30 different people before me, surely this is basic hygiene? One of DD's friends has cold sores and my DD has eczema on her face around her mouth, so I am concerned about the infection risk. Also concerned about headlice as there is an outbreak and they were going head to head with combs.

1. The girls are not allowed make up/ nail varnish etc for school, so it all had to be taken off when they got home anyway.

I really want to complain about this but I can't decide if I'm being a bit unreasonable!

[Drquin]

YANBU if you didn't know about it. Most units would publish a programme of termly events, which in turn are (should) based on suggestions from the girls. If you knew, you'd have had an opportunity to not send you daughter, or object to the activity.

But, yes it's run by volunteers and if you go in too heavy, I know some would have a "if you don't like it, run it yourself" attitude.

Middle ground would be to suggest that they issue a consent form for such events - technically not required by leaders as the event took place during normal meeting (I assume) - but it gives you a chance to agree or not to certain items being used.

[burberryqueen]

haha eyes that is so true, my son used to love to slip into his sister's pink dress and my friend's son had a full make up kit....i wonder if Cubs would run an activity for them and tell the other little boys that they had to do it too or they would be 'sulking and moaning'?

[CitrusSunshine]

Also I absolutely HATE the word "pamper" - yeuch!!!

[Eyesunderarock]

I'm a hands-on Medieval social historian sort of person, heavily into the how it was done side of things. We also cleaned and spun wool and dyed yarn using plants, then made 'Artworks' with the resulting efforts.
They were keen on historical cooking too. And feasting.

[NobodyPutsTomArcherInTheCorner]

You make an excellent point regarding the lipstick/cold sores and the shared combs.

Other than that I wouldn't be at all upset about this providing my dd enjoyed it. But then I don't find girls being interested in makeup a concern.

My dds have always shown an interest in it and enjoy playing about with makeup and wearing it sometimes.

They also dumped Brownies in favour of Cubs and Scouts because they liked the more robust activities on offer and weren't adverse to a bit of rough and tumble and mud too.

As long as makeup (or indeed anything) isn't eclipsing other interests or activites at a young age I'm ok with it.

[Scholes34]

YANBU at all. My SIL is a beautician and has spent a lot of time encouraging DD to enjoy her natural beauty.

[chickensaladagain]

My brownies have had a pamper party

Guiding is girl led so if the girls ask we try to accommodate

Brownies are also aged 7-10 so some of the activities are more suited to the older end than the younger end but we do balance it out

My pack have also built fires and shelters, gone orienteering, done army camouflage with the local ta, been to the fire station and played with the hoses

We have a real mix of activities and a mix of personalities -it's nice for them to be girly sometimes whether that be icing cupcakes or throwing a truck load of makeup at each other

[WilsonFrickett]

Eyes that sounds like a brilliant activity. I also wouldn't have a problem with Brownies making things like face packs and soap themselves. But being plastered in make-up is ick and does send a message that is how they are supposed to view themselves. I was a Brownie in the 70's and the handbook's focus was on hygiene and cleanliness and taking care of yourself - all perfectly good things to teach in a female-only space. There was never any mention of 'pampering'.

[WilsonFrickett]

'It's nice for them to be girly'

But making cupcakes and putting make up on is such a narrow definition of girly. I also find it interesting that there isn't a male equivalent word for 'girly'. No-one says 'oh it's nice for the cubs to be boyish sometimes'. They're too busy just being.

[User838484567]

YANBU. That sounds awful. I thought Brownies was supposed to be about skills and confidence? At seven I wouldn't want DD exposed to all of that, God knows she's going to have enough exposure to pink glittery crap and questionable messages about 'femininity' without Brownies getting in on the act.

Sounds like I'll be sending DD to cubs then (or Eyesunderarock's troupe, which sounds awesome!)

[Faerieinatoadstool]

We have done this sort of thing at brownies and guides as part of a varied programme but only at the girls request and always with letters sent home about and girls only using products they have brought themselves. The home made face masks tend to go down well because they are messy! Part of guiding is about positive body image so we also included a debate on "what is beauty". It's all pretty standard, just not very well executed

[User838484567]

Having said that, I wouldn't complain though, being volunteer led it will only piss people off who probably thought it was lovely I'd just not send her to anything else like that, or enroll her in cubs or scouts instead.

[burberryqueen]

hate hate hate the words
'girly' and 'pamper' seriously i despair !!!

[Eyesunderarock]

It's interesting to see in DS's Explorer scout group, many of the girls arrive kempt and groomed and often with make-up applied, and they have a fantastic time doing non-gender specific activities.
Then they usually produce wipes and a hairbrush before leaving reasonably tidy. Like many of the boys.

[DesperatelySeekingSedatives]

YANBU this wasn't what Brownies was about when I went in the 90s! We went to have fun with our friends (involving lots of running around and singing awful songs). Brown Owl would have done her nut if any of her girls showed up to Brownies wearing make up!

My DD starts Rainbows in the new term. Hope it wont be all make up and having her hair done

FWIW i dont see the harm in little girls having their nails painted but a load of make up on their faces (1 lipstick between 30 girls makes me shudder) is a step too far for me.

[Eyesunderarock]

It's not my troop by any means, I'm a random volunteer depending on the time of year. But DS is an Aspie, and they have been inclusive and accommodating beyond all reason, from Beavers onwards, for over a decade.
So yes, they are awesome on many levels.

[EdwiniasRevenge]

I am a brownie leader.

We do have pamper parties.

it covers the 'brownies care for the individual' part of the brownie 'curriculum'. (But in reality is an end of term treat)

BUT

When we do it we do
Foot baths
Hand moisturiser
Nail varnish

We send out a letter with consent form to use the creams and varnish
We ask parents to inform us if anyone has any skin infections/veruccas (not foolproof but better than nothing)
Each girl brings their own towel.

Our guides take it a step further and do use make up but they are asked to take their own make up. In reality I'm sure they do share with friends in the same way as they would at a slumber party.

[lovesmileandlaugh]

A mixed response so I won't complain. For all those who challenged me to volunteer so it will change my opinion- I don't volunteer at my DD's brownies as she should be doing things independantly. However I do considerable amounts of volunteer work with children and have just come back from an outward bounds activity weekend with older children. I do appreciate the work they put in, but I also do offer an awful lot myself.

'Little girls love to dress up and experiment with make up - that's a fact of life.' -I disagree, and I'm sad that a Brownies leader thinks that TBH. Some little girls and some little boys do, some don't! I appreciate it is hard to find something everybody will want to do.

I think I will be finishing with Brownies though. I have had other issues which weren't really relevent to this AIBU (leaders shouting at the girls to 'shut their bloody gobs', stood smoking outside in front of the girls, no trips, no badges done). There has never been a list of termly events as they've never actually done anything. I loved Brownies and I felt a strong positive female group would provide more in boosting self-confidence and being strong as young women. Not being tarted up to look pretty for the boys!

So I guess I partially accept that I am BU!

[YDdraigGoch]

Totally agree burberryqueen that SOME little girls like that. Also, SOME little girls like having campfires, making cakes, hiking, canoeing, playing hide and seek, doing crafty stuff, camping, doing sleepovers, handling snakes and lizards, meeting blind dogs, going to the beach, learning circus skills (all things we've done at Brownies in the last term or so).

But some don't.

If your a girl who doesn't like ANY of the activities provided by the Brownie Leaders, then she is in the wrong Brownie unit. If she likes some but not all the activities, then you either chose for her to stay, and learn that you don't get everything your own way in life, or you take her away and enrol her in a different activity, where things will go 100% your way.

[NobodyPutsTomArcherInTheCorner]

'leaders shouting at the girls to 'shut their bloody gobs'

I'd be outta thaere like a shot.

[YDdraigGoch]

"you're" Doh!

[DesperatelySeekingSedatives]

"I think I will be finishing with Brownies though. I have had other issues which weren't really relevent to this AIBU (leaders shouting at the girls to 'shut their bloody gobs', stood smoking outside in front of the girls, no trips, no badges done). There has never been a list of termly events as they've never actually done anything. I loved Brownies and I felt a strong positive female group would provide more in boosting self-confidence and being strong as young women. Not being tarted up to look pretty for the boys!"


Don't blame you it sounds... not great.

[LadyClariceCannockMonty]

That really saddens me, OP. Surely girls have lots of other opportunities to get into make-up etc if they want to (although I think 7 is shockingly young and I don't care if that makes me an old gimmer).

I'd write a calm and carefully considered, but very clear and firm, piece of feedback for the group. They may or may not take your opinion and comments on board but if you feel strongly, you should make them known.

[Beastofburden]

I guess it depends on how good the troop is generally. One pamper party among a lot of other good stuff- no problem. A boring term with no real inspiration- time to rethink, and consider scouting perhaps, and then go on to guides that way. DD is a Guide Young Leader and they do one event like this most years- but in among all kinds of other stuff, including taking some of the girls to Uganda for a month to build latrines for local kids, so I think the feisty element is well maintained. It isnt wrong to make the point that bright, independent women sometimes like to look nice as well.

[Beastofburden]

though would say, guides is a different ball game from brownies, they are a bit young for all that IMHO