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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Findings suggest baby spending overnights away from mum CAN be harmful...

190 replies

fabergeegg · 22/07/2013 21:19

www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/07/130719083611.htm

Not strictly an AIBU but relevant to many threads on this board. What a relief for so many of us to have evidence that we're not being selfish when resisting overnight custody arrangements for our tiny offspring - or even overnights with grandparents on their own for that matter.

OP posts:
Salmotrutta · 22/07/2013 22:01

An abstract isn't enough.

Tells you sweet FA about the methods, statistics, reference points etc.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 22/07/2013 22:01

clearly ds1 is going to hell in a handcart....

WorraLiberty · 22/07/2013 22:02

Yes but how does daylight/darkness make any difference to a baby?

The report is rubbish as far as I'm concerned.

It's stupid to say that a baby being away from its Mother for up to 12hrs a day is fine...but as soon as the moon comes out it suddenly isn't.

And OP, what do you mean by... And it depends what you mean by 'survive unharmed' - of course they're still breathing but we don't actually know if very young babies are affected by spending long days at nursery...do we?

I'm sure there are plenty of adults who are perfectly fine, who spent long hours in nursery as babies.

Sheshelob · 22/07/2013 22:02

Innit, hobnob.

Women like us shouldn't be allowed to have children.

cardibach · 22/07/2013 22:03

OP are you using this (possibly dodgy) study to suggest that absent parents shouldn't be allowed overnight access? It sounds like you are in your first post. That would be ridiculous - and it depends on how 'Primary caregiver' is defined. If contact with an absent parent is maintained, surely the child sees both parents as primary?
I am a lone mother, by the way, and DD has had overnight contact with her father since she was really quite tiny. She seems perfectly confident to me...

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 22/07/2013 22:03

depressing isn't it she....

Salmotrutta · 22/07/2013 22:03

You'd seriously get your knuckles rapped by reputable academics for discussing a paper after only reading an abstract edam

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 22/07/2013 22:04

so op what about shift workers? care to answer pr just here to shitstir.

edam · 22/07/2013 22:04

Yeah, I did miss the nightshift thing. But I wouldn't panic, this kind of research tells you about populations, not individuals. It doesn't mean 'every baby whose mother does nightshifts is doomed'.

And hobnobs, I'm sure your baby had a secure attachment to you by the time you went back to work!

It is useful in terms of deciding policies - so maybe courts need to take it into account when looking at overnight stays for babies whose parents are separated, or the government should work with employers to ensure women who work nightshifts get their full entitlement to maternity leave - maybe statutory maternity pay should continue for longer for nightshift workers.

MalcolmTuckersMum · 22/07/2013 22:05

God I hate shit like this. And I double hate women putting up shit like this to other women. For what? To pile on more guilt and worry as if life wasn't difficult enough? OP this little study is just that - it is not suddenly law or accepted wisdom or about to form part of any guidelines and frankly you have no business bringing it here and presenting it as though it's the next big thing.

Salmotrutta · 22/07/2013 22:06

The Journal of Marriage and Family (where the paper quoted in the report was actually published) sounds like some right wing religious journal funded by bible thumpers.

edam · 22/07/2013 22:06

Salmo, if you can't discuss something on MN without access to the full paper in a peer reviewed journal, especially when such access is only available to a very few people, there would be very little left to say.

If you've got access to an academic library, or it's so hot I can't even remember what it is but the medical system I can use for some papers (medline or am I going mad) then do feel free to post the full paper here for us to discuss.

peachypips · 22/07/2013 22:07

I've never posted this before, but as a mum who has suffered from severe anxiety over 'doing the right thing' (which I am over) I'd like to say
DO FUCK OFF!

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 22/07/2013 22:07

how do you know he had a good attachment to me? bit of assumption oh and backtracking much?

McNewPants2013 · 22/07/2013 22:07

Both my DC has spent night about from me ranging from 4 month with DD and approx 7 months with ds.

I think that article is a load of rubbish.

Those nights when my lovely MIL had the kids meant i was able to get a full night sleep and when they came back i was fresh and ready to give them more of my time. 1/2 because i missed them and 1/2 because i had the energy.

WorraLiberty · 22/07/2013 22:07

And come to think of it, because my DH works shifts...he'd often see to the baby in the night for a whole week.

I'd be sound asleep the whole time and DS wouldn't know if I was there or not...and nor did he care as long as he had his Dad.

dexter73 · 22/07/2013 22:08

What a load of bollocks.

KobayashiMaru · 22/07/2013 22:08

They only looked at low income, mainly ethnic minority families in US inner cities. Hardly one to draw conclusions from, is it?

LookMaw · 22/07/2013 22:09

Urghhh. Have to go back to nightshifts and leave PFB in September, when she is just 6 months old.

As if I didn't feel shit enough!

edam · 22/07/2013 22:09

hobnobs, I was trying to be reasonable and was worried that I'd inadvertently made you feel bad.

Rather wishing I hadn't bothered now.

WorraLiberty · 22/07/2013 22:10

LookMaw she'll be hanging around the streets and dealing drugs before her 1st Birthday.

You mark my words!! Wink

Salmotrutta · 22/07/2013 22:11

No I don't have access to a national library. Which is why I'm taking this with a pinch of salt. Because I can't access it.

And do you mean PubMed?

I doubt they would list The Journal of Marriage and Family Hmm

MalcolmTuckersMum · 22/07/2013 22:11

So what's your interest here edam? What's your agenda?

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 22/07/2013 22:11

lookmaw I wouldn't worry tis bollocks and as an extensive sample of one :) ds is fab and we have a great relationship