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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this makes me a shitty mum?

44 replies

TheOrchardKeeper · 22/07/2013 12:00

I'm crap in the heat. Irritable, over-heated, dizzy, sometimes feel sick just because it's too hot etc. I'm finding it really hard to keep my cool (scuse the pun) with DS. He's just doing normal toddler 'cheeky' & sometimes trying behavior but the longer this heat lasts the more I dread the long days with him. I'm just so wound up by the end of the day.

I love him to bits and there are good moments but am I a shitty mum for finding it so hard in the summer? I feel awful for being so snappy, even though I try not to be...

(I'm an LP too so I don't get much help, though I have a DP I can talk to at the end of the day sometimes which helps, as does Wine and long baths in very cold water)!

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Original poster
TheOrchardKeeper · 22/07/2013 12:03

(For example, it was boiling a few days ago and we had to do a family picnic for my uncle's Bday. It was in an open area, no shade, one big field and a stream. DS, aged 2.6, spent the whole time running away and trying to jump in the stream. I felt like crying after a few hours. Not exactly competent parenting. It's partly down to the fact he doesn't sleep well in the heat too...so I'm hot and knackered).

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trolleycoin · 22/07/2013 12:04

No yanbu.

Original poster
TheOrchardKeeper · 22/07/2013 12:08

I feel bad for feeling so miserable. Am trying to suck it up but it's so hot and I feel rough from about 11 (when it's heating up) til about 8/9. I know it'll pass but I still feel like I should be able to handle it better.

DS is at his worst as far as terrible 2s go (still easy going but much more into pushing boundaries etc) so that matched with the heat is making me feel quite down really.

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Jinty64 · 22/07/2013 12:09

You are not a shitty mum. You are doing your best in difficult circumstances. Do you have a garden? Could you set up some shade and some water - paddling pool or toy box full. We have a small paddling pool and a water sprayer thing! We are just having fruit, ice lollies and picnic meals ad hoc in the garden. We have a bit of a breeze here and it's the nicest place to be. Perhaps a friend could come over for a bit?

TantrumsAndBalloons · 22/07/2013 12:12

Most people get like this in the heat, I think.

I don't think it's anything to do with being a shitty mum at all.

It's hot.
I find when it's really hot at work I get a lot more annoyed with things than I would do otherwise.

Original poster
TheOrchardKeeper · 22/07/2013 12:12

No garden.

I take him to the park in the early morning when it's cool & sometimes the outdoor pool.

I'm managing not to lose it with him too much but I just feel awful inside and it's barely concealed by the end of the day!

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Original poster
TheOrchardKeeper · 22/07/2013 12:14

^ same.

for example, if he's been asking the same question for half an hour etc then I start feeling a bit twitchy eyed Grin Blush

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Mumsyblouse · 22/07/2013 12:16

Not shitty, completely normal, one of mine has been driving me crazy this week with her not sleeping and pinging out of bed every 10 min saying she's hot/tired/ill/needs a drink, I am exhausted too and after a few repetitions I have been having to try very hard not to lose my own temper. Feeling ratty and tired yourself after a day with a toddler is completely normal, you only have so much to give!

SanityClause · 22/07/2013 12:18

Could you set up a paddling pool in the bath? Pop him in a swim nappy, and you in a bikini? Lots of towells on the floor, and splash away!

MurderOfGoths · 22/07/2013 12:20

YABU it doesn't make you a shitty mum, and if it does, then that's me too. DS was up a lot in the night with teething and diarrhoea, and has spent today being irritable and trying to do things which I know he knows not to do (hitting, pinching etc). He's winding me up no end. Am struggling a lot today!

Jinty64 · 22/07/2013 12:23

I think it must be really, really difficult in this weather without a garden. Trying to actually go places is so much harder. I think you are actually an amazing Mummy to be doing as well as you are doing. Have some Wine

Original poster
TheOrchardKeeper · 22/07/2013 12:46

Thank you Jinty that means a lot when you're feeling as crap about it as I am atm.

He's at the age where he does need to go out most days, even if we do lots of indoor bits and bobs. He's been at nursery for 2hrs 3 days a week up until this week too. His last day is tomorrow and I feel a bit ill at the thought of the summer hols.

Will try the bath idea though and keep getting out early, though it was quite hot here even at half 9 this morning.

I feel a bit irritated with my family too as I'm the odd one out ( much paler than all of them...seem to be an irish throw back from my gran Hmm ) as they keep teasing me about being lazy/a drama queen. I rolled with it at first as I'm pretty thick skinned but it's grating now Hmm

Just keep thinking 'it's only 'so-long' til autumn now' Grin

Do feel better knowing I'm not the only one. I feel disproportionately crap with the weather when I spend too much time with my family...

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pianodoodle · 22/07/2013 13:04

I can't stick the heat either - I just don't think I'm made for it (maybe to do with growing up in N.Ireland and now living in SW England - I can't believe the difference here in the summer! No nice sea breeze!)

Anyhow I've been feeling guilty as well. DD is 2 and I'm 4 months pregnant. My head has been splitting sore for days and the past week we have hardly been out apart from playing in the shade in the garden.

DH says she's happy so it doesn't matter but I feel bad for not doing enough things with her. I just can't bear to go out walking in 30 degrees and the car has no proper air-conditioning I can't bring myself to get into it before the sun goes down!

Go easy on yourself - to avoid feeling as snappy I've just shunned anything that will involve us running round in the sunshine and we've just had a chilled out time instead. I feel guilty but then again if I was running around here and there at the minute sweating like a pig I'd most definitely be snappy!

Have you a friend with a garden you can chill in? My mate is also a LP and her flat has no garden. She has a son the same age as my DD. She also has air-conditioning in her car! So she's been bringing my milk over for me in her nice cool car and then spending the day in the nice cool shade here. Works very well :)

DoJo · 22/07/2013 13:08

A spray bottle full of cold water and a fan has proved to be a good hour's worth of entertainment for my son, plus I can spray myself and sit in front of the fan for a good cool down so it's a double bonus. It's a brilliant way to keep him entertained without me needing to move around, his jolly little face cheers me up and makes me feel more motivated and I can enjoy the cooling effects too...

Original poster
TheOrchardKeeper · 22/07/2013 13:09

Sounds tough pianodoodle . Congrats on the pregnancy btw Smile

I have a few other mum friends but the one whose around the most doesn't drive & neither do I atm (money issues. I'm a student).

I have to go into town for bits a lot, although I do an online shop.

I stopped forcing myself out in the middle of the day about a week ago when I threw up in public Blush Pretty sure it was just the heat.

DS is actually ok with this weather as his dad was very olive skinned as are most of my family. Just not me.

Plus my bloody hair is so thick that I want to just cut it all off. It's like wearing a very very thick wooly hat Grin

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ChippingInHopHopHop · 22/07/2013 13:10

This heat is awful for a lot of people and so are 2 year olds Grin the combination can be very trying.

I took my friends DS for 2 days last week as she was at breaking point. She hates this weather and her 2 year old was being... well, 2. I am having both her DS & her DD for 2 days this week too.

I loved it, he loved it, she loved it. Do you have a friend who might like to borrow him??

Definitely get whatever water out that you can - bath, small baby bath with toys in the bathroom, play 'hop in/hop out' of the shower... just get cool. Go out anywhere that has good shade and water...

When you were at the place with the stream, why didn't you just stand in the stream while he played in it? I would have kept trying to get into it too last week, so I don't think he was being especially trying or naughty to keep trying to do that!

Original poster
TheOrchardKeeper · 22/07/2013 13:11

^ I did just buy a fan last week and DS loves the bottle-water spray so that's helped Smile

I certainly handled the heat better before DS came along and even when he was smaller, as he didn't just run everywhere (and jump/rolly polly/sprint/attempt escape the second an exit became free) Grin

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Original poster
TheOrchardKeeper · 22/07/2013 13:16

It was more of a canal than stream. There was no way in without being up to your shoulders (on an adult) and got very deep in the middle. I'm going to a friend's house so her DD and my DS can have a splash in the paddling pool and we can sit in the shade! It'll be bliss.

I feel crap cus I don't have a garden either but I'm starting from the bottom, studying FT to try and work my way out of being so skint.

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Original poster
TheOrchardKeeper · 22/07/2013 13:20

(my healthy eating has gone a bit...well...unhealthy too cus I've been knackered so am now regretting spending 2 weeks not being very good

I know I need to just take it easy but I'm a natural worrier Grin )

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Original poster
TheOrchardKeeper · 22/07/2013 13:22

I've just started watching The Killing which sounds weird but it's really helping watching a show set somewhere so wet and cold every evening Grin

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MoominsYonisAreScary · 22/07/2013 13:24

It's crap without a garden, we didn't have one last year and I think I'd have gone totally insane if we hadn't moved this year.

Ds3 2.4 wants to be out all the time and ds4 who is 5.5 months is like me and hates the heat! Ds3 hasn't been sleeping very well either because it's just so hot and is grumpy and a pain by the afternoons.

I have far less patience in this heat

JuliaScurr · 22/07/2013 13:28

is there a park/some grass nearby with water supply eg toilets?
if so, take your own paddling pool and eg old big milk bottle to carry water
my friend did this when living in a flat with twins

Original poster
TheOrchardKeeper · 22/07/2013 13:37

That's a good idea julia Smile

If we go out though he either holds my hand then is let loose at the park or he runs off. Doesn't seem to make a difference if I explain we're staying in a certain area, take him home if he keeps running away etc (I mean full on pelting it, regardless of whether or not I'm behind him/in sight).

I've tried not going after him (until he's dangerously far away) but he's really not bothered, so I don't think that would work for us. Not yet anyway.

I feel pretty crap about that too, as he's the only one out of all my friend's toddlers that finds it hilarious to run off and isn't interested in staying put unless there's a park. He'd be ok if there was a fenced off bit or something but the town park is open plan (so no fences at all) for some stupid reason Hmm

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Original poster
TheOrchardKeeper · 22/07/2013 13:38

Thanks for the link Smile

I should buy some more actually as we go through a lot of them due to them being dead cheap and good for when it's boiling.

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