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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be finding my husband really irritating and pathetic.

36 replies

Soontobemama · 21/07/2013 22:44

I am heavily pregnant (due in 2 weeks). We have had quite a bit to do to get ready for the baby's arrival.

We bought some flat pack furniture over a month ago that has just been cluttering the place up. The plan was to get it all sorted today along with various other jobs. This would also mean getting rid of all his bloody tools that have just sat in the living room for weeks on end.

I got up this morning to find that he had left cups, a plate and various other detritus including his shoes and socks strewn all over the living room. He had also left crumbs all over the kitchen counters and a frying pan he had used on Friday was still sitting there waiting to be washed. I cleaned everywhere Friday ( we were out yesterday until early evening) and was frankly pissed off that he had left this much mess.

So when he got up I wasn't in the best of moods which he picked up on. We discussed how much there was to be done and then he went to the loo. He sat in there on his phone for half a bloody hour! He got a strop on that I stood outside and asked him what he was doing and that we had stuff to be getting on with.

I had started taking a flat pack wardrobe out of the box which he wasn't happy about as apparently I should have waited for him. I admit I snapped at him that someone had to do it while he arsed around. He then decided that I was being so rude that he wasn't going a thing and so made himself breakfast and watched tv for several hours.

Completely by myself I built a flat pack wardrobe, moved the old wardrobe out, sorted out all of the baby's things, did two loads if washing and various other jobs. DH decides to come out of his strop by mid afternoon and puts a shelf up. He then starts building a shoe cabinet which is so taxing he gets annoyed and leaves it before finishing it. I struggle alone to put the heavy drawers in and put handles on etc.

DH then has the audacity to moan that he is exhausted and hungry and has had an awful day. It is almost 7pm by this stage, I have not stopped all day and have not eaten a thing. So I wasn't exactly sympathetic and just ignored his moaning. We finally ate and he has just laid on the sofa moaning about how shattered he is and that he has to go to work tomorrow . I have come to bed as I can't bear to be around him. I want to tell him he is being a lazy pathetic arse. I am 8.5 months pregnant and have done do much more than him today, have hurt my back moving furniture and am not interested in his whinging.

Grrrrrr. Am finding being this pregnant tough, especially in this heat and am feeling very easily irritated so am quite prepared to be told I'm unreasonable.

OP posts:
User838484567 · 21/07/2013 22:49

Not unreasonable. He's being a twat.

Karen4007 · 21/07/2013 22:52

No, U are def not. I think U are finding him more irritating because U are pregnant but lets face it what U have described is both irritating and infuriating. It is not however abnormal for men to be like this. I did too much when so was pregnant and still suffer. (dd is 8 months old), so try and take it easy.

The bad news is that men stay annoying for the first year or so!

Good luck xx

Roshbegosh · 21/07/2013 22:55

You really mustn't do any more heavy work, please stop. He does sound pathetic but maybe he just hates DIY. Struggling to be positive here, regardless of what he does or doesn't do though, please look after yourself. You don't want your early days with baby spoilt by a bad back and if you murder your DH it won't be a nice start for baby in Holloway.

notanyanymore · 21/07/2013 22:55

You most definitely are not being unreasonable. Perhaps slightly less reasonable then when your not pregnant, but the thing is you are pregnant, with HIS baby. Letting you do all that heavy lifting etc? At 8.5 months and in this heat? I'd like to know what the hell he was thinking?!!

NeedSomeSun142 · 21/07/2013 22:55

tell him then, sounds like a selfish twat to me. u need to nip it in bud before baby arrives, as it will only get worse

LemonPeculiarJones · 21/07/2013 22:56

What a pathetic, useless article.

You must be sick of having to be the adult to his stroppy sulky child persona.

fedupofnamechanging · 21/07/2013 22:58

Yanbu - he is being a dick.

I hope you didn't do his washing and make the dinner today.

I think some blunt talking needs to be done - you are about to become a mother to one child and you don't need him to be acting like a child too. If you have to do everything yourself, then what, precisely, is the point of him?

numbum · 21/07/2013 23:00

Assuming you're an adult, why haven't you eaten all day? Yes he's being a lazy knob but you sound a bit like a martyr

jojomalone · 21/07/2013 23:02

No you ANBU, you hate them in the last few weeks! Its a combination of fatigue, impatience, adrenaline and other hormones preparing you for the birth of baby. I remember seriously questioning why I was with him/ married him/ was having a child with him... Then you hate them some more for the next year ha ha ( interspersed with lovely, new parent bits).

Good luck and try to chill out x

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved · 21/07/2013 23:02

Was all prepared to say 'you don't sound v nice' from the title... But honestly, huff! He'd try the patience of a saint! Poor you, hope this is an aberration rather than the norm.

Also, ease be careful with the heavy lifting, just cos you can do it, doesn't mean to say you should.

Sparklysilversequins · 21/07/2013 23:03

Selfish, lazy fucker.

Hope he manages to pull himself together by the time your baby arrives.

SimplyRedHead · 21/07/2013 23:05

Sounds like you have got what is medically known as 'nesting rage'. I suffered horribly at the end of my pregnancy. I was full of fire and energy and a desperation to get everything done.

Sadly my husband was not raging with the same hormones.

He would get home from work to find me up a step ladder with one foot on the top of a shelf unit desperately trying to reach to paint the wall because I couldn't continue to breathe knowing that the wall AT THE BACK of the bookcase didn't match the rest of the wall!

I got up at 4am to sort through the DVDs because I couldn't cope with the fact that they were in a mess. I was honestly like a whirlwind whilst my husband was knackered.

On a positive note, I got loads done and I gave birth a few days later. I'm gutted that those hormones have worn off now!

Hope your baby comes soon.

karinmaria · 21/07/2013 23:08

YANBU. What a twat for letting you move furniture at 8.5 months pregnant. Surely he must have heard you?!

You may be nesting and therefore a bit more keen on DIY than usual but he needs to stop being such a moany, lazy arse.

Travelledtheworld · 21/07/2013 23:08

Fake illness ! Get your feet up on the sofa, tell him you are worried about high blood pressure and do not move.

StuntGirl · 21/07/2013 23:10

I'd be pissed off if my partner left me to do all that and I'm not pregnant.

I can't be doing with drama queen whingers though, I'd have had to get away from him too.

You need to look after yourself though, so no matter how much work you've got to do make sure you take breaks and eat.

I'd have probably called a family member or good friend to come and help me too instead of struggling by myself, and knowing my friends they would have shifted his arse pretty sharpish too.

PosyNarker · 21/07/2013 23:10

Nope YANBU but stop enabling him. I was in the unusual position of being physically stronger than my DP for a while (because I weight trained like a fiend and he did naff all physical exercise). Quickly realised he was using it as an excuse for me to do the traditional male jobs (fine) but wasn't picking up the others himself. Suffice to say I stopped. I also stopped picking up after - not in the basket, doesn't get washed etc. Seriously when I was really quite I'll and DP insisted he couldn't make a king sized bed by himself was my major wake up call. Independent is great, enabling is stupid.

thismousebites · 21/07/2013 23:10

numbum nice post!
OP YANBU. nor are you being a matyr. I had one of those........a dh who did pretty much nothing. and the worst thing was that when I got fed up of asking and did it myself, for some reason, it was me in the wrong.
Do nothing from now on. You need to rest and conserve your energy.
Leave the mess for him to face.

numbum · 21/07/2013 23:13

Pushing herself beyond her limits and then moaning about her pathetic DH not doing enough? That's not a martyr?!

I feel sorry for the OP but she should do as he does and sit on her arse and do nothing. He needs to be told to get his ass in gear ready for when the baby arrives.

I wasn't saying she was wrong. Just obviously came across wrong (due to too much wine!)

Pigsmummy · 21/07/2013 23:13

You should have eaten, no sympathy for that, you put your body under extra pressure. I know the feeling that everything has to be done "NOW" But really it doesn't, the world wouldn't fall off it's axis if the wardrobe wasn't built. Your baby isn't sleeping in a shoe box tonight. I suggest that you get a plan agreed with your DP, he quite frankly doesn't sound dynamic so make it doable, if he isn't able to do everything then get someone in rather than getting stressed. When he agrees to a plan then if he doesn't stick to it you can complain, or better still use his money to fix it.

numbum · 21/07/2013 23:14

But I still don't get why she hasn't eaten all day

ZingWidge · 21/07/2013 23:15

don't leave the bastard, but YANBU

AcrylicPlexiglass · 21/07/2013 23:22

Not eating all day is a no-no @8.5 months pregnant, I agree. Not sure about matrydom but it's silly and you must not do it again, Soontobe mama! Finger wag. Seriously, hope it all improves soon and he was definitely an arse and my partner and I have arguments like this ALL the time (except I always eat!) because we both hate being told what to do and both think we work harder than the other. Hope the baby's room looks lovely.

thismousebites · 21/07/2013 23:22

She is not sitting on her arse like her DH is doing because she knows this stuff needs to be done.
Yes, we could all take that approach but then kids would not get fed, houses would not get cleaned, etc, etc.
If I had copied my DHs actions our DCs would look like refugees, the house would be falling down round our ears and the only thing in pristine condition would be the 50 inch plasma TV complete with HD Sky sports.

Inertia · 21/07/2013 23:24

I hope for your sake he isn't this much of an arse when the baby arrives.

He sat on his backside refusing to help his heavily pregnant wife move wardrobes about- I don't hold out much hope of him getting up at 3am to change nappies.

Honestly, please don't go lifting heavy furniture around again. The thing to do in this situation, if you can, is to call other members of the family (yours or his) and plead with them to help you move furniture because DH refuses to help. If this doesn't shame him into doing it, you will at least have somebody else doing the heavy work. I completely understand the need to get sorted, but you need to protect your health.

Original poster
Soontobemama · 21/07/2013 23:24

He isn't always such an arse. I am a very motivated and let's just keep working until we get the job done kind of person. He is in my opinion a lot lazier and always takes breaks etc when there is stuff to be finished. It annoys me at the best of times but especially now.

We have a baby coming in 2 weeks and while I know the baby won't care if the place is a mess or he doesn't have a wardrobe, I bloody care! I want to be able to relax after the birth and I'm not someone who finds it easy to relax when looking around at boxes, tools and other crap. I just want to get on and work until things are done. I find it frustrating that he doesn't.

I'm not blaming him for me not having eaten. I'm just saying it to explain why I didn't care that he was complaining of being hungry. He had eaten a late breakfast and hasn't offered me any so I didn't have any sympathy.

I get that he is tired and has to work all week but if he didn't leave jobs for so long he wouldn't be now having all of his weekends taken up with DIY.

OP posts: