To be finding my husband really irritating and pathetic.

[Soontobemama]

I am heavily pregnant (due in 2 weeks). We have had quite a bit to do to get ready for the baby's arrival.

We bought some flat pack furniture over a month ago that has just been cluttering the place up. The plan was to get it all sorted today along with various other jobs. This would also mean getting rid of all his bloody tools that have just sat in the living room for weeks on end.

I got up this morning to find that he had left cups, a plate and various other detritus including his shoes and socks strewn all over the living room. He had also left crumbs all over the kitchen counters and a frying pan he had used on Friday was still sitting there waiting to be washed. I cleaned everywhere Friday ( we were out yesterday until early evening) and was frankly pissed off that he had left this much mess.

So when he got up I wasn't in the best of moods which he picked up on. We discussed how much there was to be done and then he went to the loo. He sat in there on his phone for half a bloody hour! He got a strop on that I stood outside and asked him what he was doing and that we had stuff to be getting on with.

I had started taking a flat pack wardrobe out of the box which he wasn't happy about as apparently I should have waited for him. I admit I snapped at him that someone had to do it while he arsed around. He then decided that I was being so rude that he wasn't going a thing and so made himself breakfast and watched tv for several hours.

Completely by myself I built a flat pack wardrobe, moved the old wardrobe out, sorted out all of the baby's things, did two loads if washing and various other jobs. DH decides to come out of his strop by mid afternoon and puts a shelf up. He then starts building a shoe cabinet which is so taxing he gets annoyed and leaves it before finishing it. I struggle alone to put the heavy drawers in and put handles on etc.

DH then has the audacity to moan that he is exhausted and hungry and has had an awful day. It is almost 7pm by this stage, I have not stopped all day and have not eaten a thing. So I wasn't exactly sympathetic and just ignored his moaning. We finally ate and he has just laid on the sofa moaning about how shattered he is and that he has to go to work tomorrow . I have come to bed as I can't bear to be around him. I want to tell him he is being a lazy pathetic arse. I am 8.5 months pregnant and have done do much more than him today, have hurt my back moving furniture and am not interested in his whinging.

Grrrrrr. Am finding being this pregnant tough, especially in this heat and am feeling very easily irritated so am quite prepared to be told I'm unreasonable.

OP, you really need to sit your DH down and talk about the how the shit is going to hit the fan when your baby arrives if he does not pull his finger out now.

We don't have any friends or family near who could help. It's a new area for us.

I admit I was being stubborn by putting the wardrobe up by myself. He expected me to make a feeble attempt and then go running to him and ask him to help. He would've asked for an apology for my having been annoyed with him earlier and I wasn't prepared to do that. So totally my own fault as he would have helped if I'd been prepared to back down. He was surprised when he came into the room and saw that I'd actually finished it!

I'm definitely finding him a struggle at the moment and I know its mainly me and my hormones. I look forward to him getting home from work and then ten minutes after he walks through the door I just want him to bugger off again. I was hoping that it would go once the baby gets here, so I'm a bit scared to hear it can last a year after!

Just to add I've no worries that he won't help me with the baby, he will. He is just a bit feeble and like another poster said not very dynamic. I've got a fire raging in my belly to get things done and he thinks it can all wait til later.

My DH works really hard at work and he never complains and I try to do most things at home. This usually works very well for us but I did find him irritating when my DCs were babies. I am usually so 'capable' IYSWIM that I don't think he realised that I needed extra help. I also used to struggle on and do things myself.

Retrospectively, I think I was a bit daft and he was a bit stupid and selfish.

Having a first baby is a stressful and emotional time for both the mother AND the father. Everyone needs to be extra nice to each other and extra considerate. I think the OP needs to let her DH how she feels and that she needs him to help out more but now is not the time to have a huge falling out.

YANBU - unless you are flogging him to death with everything that needs to be done and this incident has come after weeks of him working his backside off :). In which case, well done OP!

Seriously though, you must rest. I'd did something similar then stayed up late reading. I went into labour 30 mins after deciding to go to sleep, I was exhausted before I started and the labour was a lot worse because I didn't have the energy to keep going. From now on assume that you'll go into labour straight after whatever task you are doing and ask yourself if you would have the energy.

I felt like this about my DH too and he'd honestly done nothing wrong, it lasted for about 6 months, my friends told me it would happen.

OP you sound like me. 2 weeks before my due date I too built a flat pack wardrobe by myself and shampooed a carpet. By the evening I thought I'd hurt my back as well, but it turned out to be labour and my waters went in the early hours, so I hope you are ok!

Oh and you are definitely NOT being unreasonable. 'Nesting' aside, why should you clear up his mess all the time?

As an aside, I recently went to see Pam Ayres live. She was telling a story about how she was quite innocent when she got married and asked her mum for advice (thinking bedroom matters). Her mum thought for a bit and said "never let your husband know you can move a wardrobe by yourself"

You are 8 and a half months pregnant and you spent the day shifting heavy furniture on an empty stomach to make a point to your husband. That was very silly of you. You both need to grow up.

Just to add I've no worries that he won't help me with the baby, he will.

I hope you're right, this has red flags waving all over it.

Men that massively procrastinate, and think other people (i.e. their partners) will pick up the slack before the baby arrives, tend to be ten times worse after it arrives. I hope I'm wrong in this case.

But just in case, and because he sounds deeply annoying, maybe you need to have a bit of a chat now about how tough things are going to be after the birth, and how you need to know he's going to step up to the plate.

Otherwise I think you're in for a rude awakening...

Look after yourself - don't push yourself to make a point. Eat and take regular breaks. I suspect he doesn't feel the pressure of time time quite as you do.

Sit him down and have a proper chat. Explain that baby could arrive between 37-42 weeks, so things need doing. I remember kicking off at DH and building flat pack furniture - he just didn't get the urgency. However once ds arrived he was awesome.

Hi op I agree with the other posters who say you should t
take it easy!

I went into labour one day after finishing work at 38 weeks, people will tell you first babies come late... But sometimes they don't!

I understand what don is saying, but I can offer a different perspective. My husband didn't have a sense of urgency to get stuff done before the baby arrived, he massively underestimated how much time a baby takes and how much work the first few weeks can be for both mum and dad. It wasn't until my waters went that he leapt into action. Seriously you've never seen someone so motivated!

Maybe your DH is expecting to be able to have time for DIY on his paternity leave? (He probably won't...)

I felt like I was reading to my own story.. only the difference is I'm 40 weeks pregnant :(