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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not make DH a coffee when I make myself a cup of tea?

28 replies

AncientCrone · 21/07/2013 10:07

I probably am.

Making a cup of tea = more or less instant. Boil kettle, bag in mug, add water, quick stir, teabag out, milk in, done.

DH will only drink proper coffee (in his own house anyway) so this is much more faffy - boil kettle, measure coffee into cafetiere, add water, twiddle thumbs for a few minutes, plunge plunger, pour into mug, add milk and sugar, quick stir, done. BUT added to this is the fact that the cafetiere is permanently dirty and only gets washed before then being used, so I also have to track it down, empty the grounds into the compost and rinse it out. And I CAN'T BE ARSED.

If he drank instant I'd make him instant. If he drank tea I'd make him tea. I just can't be bothered to go through the palaver of making proper coffee every time. AIBU?

PS I bought him a coffee maker for his last birthday, which he is very excited by, but we currently have no kitchen and therefore nowhere to put it.

OP posts:

HollaAtMeBaby · 21/07/2013 10:09

I hate making cafetiere coffee too but I think you're being unkind. If you had a friend staying with you, you'd make coffee for them, wouldn't you? Set up the coffee machine wherever you keep your kettle and use that.

RaisingChaotic · 21/07/2013 10:12

YANBU As a grown man he is, or should be, capable of making his own if he insists on proper coffee everytime.

DontSweatTheSmallStuff · 21/07/2013 10:13

no i don't think yabu

If dh wants a fancy coffee he has to do it himself. I remain and intend to remain totally ignorant about the working of all and any posh coffee making device that enters our house. "Don't know how to" is a great excuse to not do something

BikeRunSki · 21/07/2013 10:14

But with tea you need to wait a little while for it to brew anyway.

BarnyardDance · 21/07/2013 10:15

Yabu. But I would also find washing the cafetiere every time annoying. Maybe suggest he does that, or ensure it's part of the washing up?

SanityClause · 21/07/2013 10:17

What if you made a full pot of coffee, and after he has had his one cup, transfer the remainder to a jug in the fridge. Then you can pour out a mugful, pop it in the microwave for a minute (less time than it takes to boil a kettle) add milk and sugar, and serve!

SurroundedByGiraffes · 21/07/2013 10:18

I am the same but opposite. I drink instant coffee which really is coffee in, water in, milk in, job done. I can't be arsed to make DH tea sometimes because it takes longer, leaving it to brew.

Almostfifty · 21/07/2013 10:19

As I am the one who insists on my tea being made in a pot, while DH is happy with instant coffee most of the time, I think YABU.

Thurlow · 21/07/2013 10:19

Find a halfway house? DP likes tea that has brewed for so long you could stand a spoon up in it. I make quick instant coffee. So I pour the water and leave it to stew for him to finish off - I'm with you, I'm not standing waiting for ten minutes before I take it to him! Could you say you'll put the coffee in and pour the water, and then he can finish it off himself?

glenthebattleostrich · 21/07/2013 10:20

Has he tried millicano? DH loves filter coffee and he says it is the closest instant he has tried.

But until he switches to instant he can make his own, YANBU

Original poster

AncientCrone · 21/07/2013 10:21

It's the washing the cafetiere I really resent. The only relationship I have with the damn thing is washing it.

My compromise (in my head ) is to make him coffee if the cafetiere is clean. Yesterday it wasn't so I made him instant and he was outraged This morning it was dirty so I ignored it until DH got up and now he's making himself a coffee and me a tea

He does actually do the majority of the washing up, he just doesn't do the cafetiere!

It is only once or twice a week and I would be annoyed if he made himself coffee without making tea for me so I should suck it up really.

BikeRunSki I find that a quick stir does the trick. Either that or I wander off during the brewing stage, get distracted, then come back 30 minutes later to find it's like paint stripper.

OP posts:

Original poster

AncientCrone · 21/07/2013 10:22

I might start passive-aggressively making it really badly ...

OP posts:

AltogetherAndrews · 21/07/2013 10:22

DH is worse. I don't drink tea or coffee, and then he moans that I don't make him drinks.

Thurlow · 21/07/2013 10:28

He moans because you haven't cleaned it as well?

Tell him to bugger off. His cafetiere, he cleans it!

Meow75 · 21/07/2013 10:32

He needs to get in the habit of washing it, either as part of the wider washing up, or after each emptying. Then, you can tell him, that you will happily make coffee every time BECAUSE the cafetiere will already be clean.

A clear case of cause and effect.

LauraShigihara · 21/07/2013 10:34

No, I would have a rule that if the cafetiere is dirty, then I don't make coffee. If he wants you to make a coffee then he should clean up the equipment.

Actually I am a hard woman over this sort of thing. DH works from home and I feel obliged to offer him drinks when I have one but he always wants something different to what I am making.

So I say 'D'ya want a coffee?' and he says 'No but I will have a tea/fruit juice/hot chocolate/orange juice and lemonade...'

Then I say 'I am only making fricking coffee ' So he says he will have that, and maybe a piece of cake, or a sandwich? Which I don't make either.

I often sneak about in the kitchen making a silent hot drink for myself so I don't have to go through the torture of offering him one.

faulkernegger · 21/07/2013 10:36

I agree with meow - if it's clean, you'll happily make him coffee. If it's not, tough!
p.s. I prefer 'proper coffee' and, yes, it always seems to be me who washes the cafetiere.

diddl · 21/07/2013 10:37

I would make it, but not necessarily hang around until it was ready to pour iyswim.

Wouldn't clean the thing first though.

Why does it get put away dirty?

Peacocklady · 21/07/2013 10:37

Dh went through a real coffee phase and luckily I've always been dreadful at making coffee because I don't drink it. I would never wash a cafetiere either because I would have ended up doing it all the time and it's a messy job. Same at work, i just dont do cafetieres and everyone knows it. I make tea a lot.
Dh had a stove top thing for a while that went mouldy as I didn't touch it. That phase was short lived!
He has that posh instant powder now.

formicadinosaur · 21/07/2013 10:41

Either get the coffee machine out somewhere or make a huge flask of real coffee at the start if the day and just pour some into a cup for him

MadameJosephine · 21/07/2013 10:43

I bought DS one of these
When I make a cup of tea I put the coffee and water in it for him and leave it, he does the plunger bit and washes it out afterwards like he would do a normal mug

aldiwhore · 21/07/2013 10:45

I drink coffee, DH drinks tea, we always make each other's when we make our own.

And actually, a proper cup of tea takes just a long to settle as proper coffee does to be just right.

YABU. (MEASURING THE COFFEE?? What? Use one scoop.).

YANBU if, and only if, DH makes shit tea.

4thfloor · 21/07/2013 11:03

Agree with start making it badly.

I'm a coffee drinker and hate tea, I hate the sight of it, the smell of it, the faffing about with tea bags etc so started to make DH's tea really badly and he stopped asking me to make it

sillyoldfool · 21/07/2013 11:09

I'd make him coffee in the dirty cafetiere, unless he cleaned it....

Justforlaughs · 21/07/2013 11:15

I'd make him coffee in the dirty cafetiere, unless he cleaned it.... works for me!
Or make him instant coffee if the cafetiere isn't cleaned beforehand.
I don't drink tea/ coffee and have no intention of learning how to use the coffee grinder and majorly massive, complicated fresh coffee maker that my husband loves so much. It can be a bit embarrassing when friends come round. I can only offer them instant!

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