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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really annoyed with DBIL for teaching my DD the word 'mine'?

44 replies

CoolaSchmoola · 21/07/2013 09:08

Last weekend my DD (21 months) spent some time with my IL's. This happens regularly and she and they love it. Brilliant.

This week she has suddenly started referring to EVERYTHING as 'mine', and holding said item away and giving out stinking looks. I am aware that this is normal, but it is an absolute about face for her and it literally came out of nowhere. It's not something I or DH have ever said.

DD has always been a sharer, toys, food, everything gets 'shared' with us and her friends, so for her to abruptly start grabbing everything in sight, and protecting it like Gollum with the ring, whilst saying 'MINE' and frowning is a noticeable change.

Obviously we are still teaching her to share, but it has gone from being easy with her sharing without being asked whilst saying 'there you go!' to point blank refusal to share involving screeching, grabbing and her yelling 'No! Mine!'

And it happened literally overnight.

Until yesterday I had no idea where she had learnt thi

OP posts:
TheDeadlyDonkey · 21/07/2013 09:14

Is she your first?
I imagine she's reached a normal toddler stage, as learning one word would not make her stop sharing.
Don't worry about it. But batten down the hatches for the terrible twos!

Original poster
CoolaSchmoola · 21/07/2013 09:16

Stoopid phone...

Until yesterday I had no idea where she had learnt this. Dbil visited our house yesterday and I noticed that he was sat with DD on the sofa grabbing toys from her, saying 'mine' and hiding them behind his back!! He then held them out to her and PRAISED her when she snatched them, hid them and said 'mine' all the while laughing at her and praising her so she thinks she's being good.

AIBU to be really annoyed with him? I did say something to him about not being happy that he'd taught her that, but it was like water off a ducks back. He has children so

OP posts:
Original poster
CoolaSchmoola · 21/07/2013 09:17

Aargh!

He has children so it's not like he doesn't know how they soak up information.

OP posts:
Yonionekanobe · 21/07/2013 09:19

I think you're being a bit precious. He just seems to have been making an effort to play a game with her, and keep her entertained. Most toddlers go through a stage of 'mine' and it doesn't stop them sharing with others. As he has Hildred of his own he will know his and probably see you as being a bit PFB.

Yonionekanobe · 21/07/2013 09:19

Hildred? Children. Another stupid phone...

LadyBeagleEyes · 21/07/2013 09:22

How long do you think you can hide a word from a child, she'll learn it soon enough from all her peers.

milkymocha · 21/07/2013 09:23

This is a very normal phase that will last for months iam afraid! Be annoyed when he teaches her to swear Wink

Original poster
CoolaSchmoola · 21/07/2013 09:25

TheDeadlyDonkey yes she's my first, but I don't tend to be pfb with her, if it had just been a development thing I would have put it down to her age and cracked on (like I am with the insistence on dressing herself, strapping herself into the car seat, brushing her own hair etc and the tantrums that accompany refusal).

It's the fact that he actively taught her to do it because it's amusing to him. It's less amusing for me, and confusing for my DD to be corrected by me and DH for doing something she was praised for by DBIL.

'Terrible Two's' started a couple of months ago so we're in the throes already. Last weekend we had an epic hour long screaming paddy because I wanted to put a clean nappy on her!

OP posts:
BigBongTheory · 21/07/2013 09:28

If he hadn't taught her now she'd have started very soon anyway. He's being relaxed about your annoyance because he knows this.

Enjoy the phase - it's very trying ;).

CreatureRetorts · 21/07/2013 09:30

YABU

It's not a developmental stage, shes just copying. My 19 month old says mine (copies her brother). They have a concept of wanting things - sharing is lovely and all that but sometimes kids will be selfish.

So I suggest you let this go. They could have taught her how to swear Grin

lucidlady · 21/07/2013 09:30

It is a developmental stage though - my DD is also 21 months and does this too. She'll grow out of it.

Original poster
CoolaSchmoola · 21/07/2013 09:31

The issue isn't the word, although I appreciate that my phone enforced drip feed may have made it look like that, it's the praising her for snatching and refusing to return.

I totally accept that it's a normal toddler thing as I said in my (part one) op, but I am annoyed that he taught and encouraged snatching when we are teaching her not to. It's confusing for her to be praised by Uncle X for something then told off by me and DH for doing the same thing.

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 21/07/2013 09:33

Oh in the nicest possible way, you're being silly. :)

She is that age and she would've picked it up anyway.

VestandKnickers · 21/07/2013 09:34

YABU. They all go through this stage and it doesn't mean they can't share. She is just experimenting. There is also the "do it myself" stage and the "why?" stage. All equally annoying but all necessary for development!

It sounds like quite a sweet game to me so please cut him some slack.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 21/07/2013 09:34

YABU

He probably didn't even realise that she wasn't doing it already, it is a normal part of childhood.

I actually think it is quite an important thing for a child to learn that some things belong to them. Yes sharing is nice, but IMO children shouldn't have to share all the time.

Just don't make a big issue out of it.

curlew · 21/07/2013 09:35

Be grateful to him- you'll have someone to blame for all her horrible toddler behaviour from now on!!!!!!Grin

Original poster
CoolaSchmoola · 21/07/2013 09:36

Ok I accept I am being a little pfb and will let it go.

But as he does swear like a trooper around her despite being asked not to can I reserve a space for a post about wanting to kill him if she ever repeats what he is saying?

She loves him, and he's generally great with her it's just some of the things he does make me nuts.

OP posts:
curlew · 21/07/2013 09:37

I remember playing this game with ds because he said "mynce" instead of "mine" and it was unbearably cute...........

DreamySleepyNightySnoozySnooze · 21/07/2013 09:37

YANBU. My Ds1 never went through that 'stage', and I would have been very annoyed if an adult had taught him to behave like that.

VestandKnickers · 21/07/2013 09:38

You're a good sport OP for accepting that maybe you are being a little unreasonable,

See you back here when your toddler tells you to "do one" after spending too much time with Uncle! Wink

curlew · 21/07/2013 09:38

Absolutely- stop him swearing in front of her- that's really not on.

ZingWidge · 21/07/2013 09:40

I don't get what the problem is. what is wrong with learning "mine" - whichever way that happens....Confused

Twooter · 21/07/2013 09:41

I don't think yanbu. It would annoy me too. But it's true that this sort of thing will happen throughout her childhood - I can think of different phrases that each of my dc used that they got from their friends that really grated at the time.

Original poster
CoolaSchmoola · 21/07/2013 09:43

I am trying Curlew, but I don't think he even knows he's doing it. It is peppered through every sentence and makes me cringe. I say something and it stops for literally a couple of sentences.

I am no saint, I have a vast collection of well used expletives, but I have NEVER sworn in front of a child, let alone DD, and my family wouldn't either so it's a bit of a Hmm.

OP posts:
CecilyP · 21/07/2013 09:44

Surely she has to learn a concept of 'mine' sooner or later, otherwise there would be no boundaries. You say she shares toys with her friends, but I doubt if you would be too pleased if said friends took those toys away to their own houses. Why not? Because they are 'hers'.

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