To be really annoyed with DBIL for teaching my DD the word 'mine'?

[CoolaSchmoola]

Last weekend my DD (21 months) spent some time with my IL's. This happens regularly and she and they love it. Brilliant.

This week she has suddenly started referring to EVERYTHING as 'mine', and holding said item away and giving out stinking looks. I am aware that this is normal, but it is an absolute about face for her and it literally came out of nowhere. It's not something I or DH have ever said.

DD has always been a sharer, toys, food, everything gets 'shared' with us and her friends, so for her to abruptly start grabbing everything in sight, and protecting it like Gollum with the ring, whilst saying 'MINE' and frowning is a noticeable change.

Obviously we are still teaching her to share, but it has gone from being easy with her sharing without being asked whilst saying 'there you go!' to point blank refusal to share involving screeching, grabbing and her yelling 'No! Mine!'

And it happened literally overnight.

Until yesterday I had no idea where she had learnt thi

He's actually taught her a rather useful skill.

Your DD already had the concept and feeling of "mine" - she just didn't know how to express it before. She would have got there pretty soon anyway! but YABU that she shouldn't be encouraged to snatch.

When he next visits tell him the word mine is banned and to play at taking turns instead. Get him to use the word turn a lot. Your turn. My turn etc

This is something she will come across anyway but try and give her the tools to negotiate

I disagree with the majority. OK, so maybe she would have 'learnt' it from her peers, but not all children go through this, not by a long shot. I would be annoyed with him as well and I would tell him to stop it, now. Why on earth would you encourage that? Having his own kids, he should know better.

It is one thing to have 'a concept of 'mine'' it is quite another to snatch and hide and refuse to share everything, just because Uncle x thinks it's funny.

Of course he hasn't taught her something useful, what a daft comment to make. How in gods name is snatching useful?

It happened overnight with my charge too, it's very normal. It's when they suddenly realise that they can have some control over a situation and their possessions. They grow out of it soon enough!

It'll come in very handy at toddler group.

DS1 (2.7) has only just got the hang of the word, but has understood the sentiment for a long time. I wouldn't be impressed with a snatching game as we're trying to encourage giving and taking turns.

It is a stage they all go through- more obvious in some children than others. It's about learning about self, control and independence.

He's playing a game with her, why don't you suggest things he can play with her.

When dd1 was 15 months I looked after a friend's little girl who was a year older. She taught her the word "more". I gave them what was probably a slightly mean in amount snack (dd1 was at the stage wher she thought 1 chocolate button broken into quarters was a huge treat) The other little girl finished hers and said, "Is there more please?"
So I gave them a little more, and she turned to dd1 and said "More! Thank you". They ended up marching round the room chanting "More! More! More!" banging their bowls. It was very cute.
Until the next morning when I realised the "more" word was there to stay.

Dd is 15 months and she has just started me/mine. We don't really say mine but think its just a phase and very normal.

Oh yes more! That word is a constant but at least it's going alongside please and thank you!

He is playing a game with her, it is fun and something most children do - I was doing it with DN and his sun hat last week putting the hat on my head. He thought it was hysterical, I used to do the same with DS when he was younger too.

Strangely both are still more than capable of sharing things when they want to!

My uncle aparently taught me to say "bugger off!" when I was about 2. My mum has memories of having to get off buses etc when some old lady would start speaking to me "what a lovely wee girl you are" and I would forcefully respond with my new phrase.

sorry that was spectacularly unhelpful. I get where you are coming from but I do think this is a typical phase and would probably have developed without Uncle's help

dear me there are far worse words she could have acquired! Sounds typically toddler for her age , as they learn about identity. At the moment it is a novelty but she'll move on . You won't be able to control what she learns and from whom for very long once she is cared for elsewhere, all you can do is ensure she uses it appropriately.

And frankly PFB would have learned it a whole lot quicker if she had older siblings.

I would be annoyed to, because in our house, you do have to share toys with sister/any friends that are over. Anything very special can be put away, but all books/toys out are to be shared. As they have got older they have their own things bought for birthdays/special things which are not for sharing, but we don't have 'my books' 'mine' or snatching.

As I said previously its not the word, of course she needs to learn it and use it where appropriate, it's the snatching and refusing to return he taught her at the same time. She is now being told off for something he taught her was ok, and IMO snatching isn't, it's rude.

Yes the word grates on me, a lot, and I would prefer that he hadn't taught her it, but I agree it's just a word. Snatching though? Do people really think that it's ok to teach a child that?

DD went through a phase at nursery biting when she was 2. As soon as she learned the word 'mine', or her version - my's, the biting stopped. So, perhaps it's not such a bad idea after all.