to wonder if my child has ADHD ?

[Dunham]

She s 5yo. I also have 3yo so can compare.

5yo very physically active. Finds it difficult to sit or stand still without squirming. Myself and teacher noticed a lot of daydreaming, lack of concentration, difficulty completing simple tasks such as getting dressed or brushing teeth. Wets self alot. Can sometimes ave several wee accidents per day and then weeks of being dry. Having difficulty making friends. Teacher said that she doesn't seem to know how to play with them and follows them or plays alongside them rather than with them. She also said she is hoping that the reason is that she is younger in the school year. She is very clumsy. Much more prone to dropping stuff and spilling drinks than my 3yo due to constant fidgeting. She has less idea of safety and have to be careful about her running into road but getting better. School work is ok. Reading is ahead for her age. She enjoys reading. Writing is terrible and worse than average. Learning phenomes and spellings pretty good. She has very good memory. Pre school were surprised at how quickly she learnt everyone's names at 4.

I don't mean to belittle anyone's experience of ADHD or upset anyone, but AIBU at wondering if that she may have it or am I being paranoid ? Just need some advice as DH says I'm being paranoid and my friend who is primary school teacher agrees about paranoia. But she hasn't seen dd since she was 3yo.

Also worth mentioning that I had/have a big problem with concentrating, paying attention, daydreaming, distraction but never diagnosed. I don't think they really diagnosed it much until I was out if school.

Have you considered it may be DCD (Developmental Co-ordination Disorder)? Also known as Dyspraxia.

What does her teacher think? ASN/SEN teacher? SENCO (if you are in England)?

Have you spoken to your GP? School Nurse? Educational Psychologist?

No-one can diagnose on the Internet.

I agree with stargirl. Those 'symptoms' could be dyspraxia, ASD, ADHD or a number of other things. Or just your DD's unique NT self! You need someone who knows what they are talking about.

My DD was a bit like this, eventually she was referred to an occupational therapist and they found she had poor muscle control- hence the reading very advanced but problems with handwriting and the physical clumsiness. This had led to general anxiety and problems with making friends. We were given some exercises to do with her to improve muscle control, things are a lot better now- but her handwriting is still terrible! It would be worth asking the school if they have any contacts with occupational therapists.

thanks to you both. I haven't brought it up yet with SENCO/GP etc. Both DC's have other physical health probs, esp DS, so i'm tentatively keeping an eye on it as it's not a huge problem, just stuff that i notice. Whereas DS's health problems are big issue at the moment.

Also my teacher friend asked me not to mention it to the school. I think she said they'll spot it if she has a problem.

StanleyLambchop that's really interesting thanks. Poor muscle control all over or in specific areas ?

Yanbu to wonder but is this really a question for the aibu topic?

Hi,

I have a son (now adult) with ADHD and have to say there are some things you say that are similar to him at 5 - but again others that aren't. My son's ADHD was incredibly "severe" and he would tick every possible side effect. I also have a son with autism and another with dyspraxia. Obviously you have given only a tiny snapshot here, but from what you say it is actually dyspraxia that seems to ring bells here.

Daydreaming? From my experience my son with ADHD never daydreamed, he was too busy having ten conversations at once while trying to do a dozen different activities. He never had any wetting accidents though and was not clumsy. He was too quick and too loud in a group, always taking charge and yes having difficulties with making real friendships. When he was 5 he was considered very bright, but still has a problem with numbers/times/money. We were told by his consultant that almost all children with ADHD have difficulties understanding the concept behind numbers. His memory though, like your little girl, is outstanding.

My son with dyspraxia though did have many accidents and still drops everything - has problems with awareness of space and fine and gross motor skills delay and certainly no road sense. He was always delayed developmentally.

The difficulty with diagnosis is that conditions on the autism spectrum overlap, and one condition may have traits of another. With three boys diagnosed with different things, some of their effects are similar - others opposite. This probably hasn't helped much, but if you feel it would help to contact me privately then please do and I will go into more detail.

Good luck.

That's all very well, Dunham but another perspective is that the sooner children get support, the better the outcome. Follow your gut and don't just listen to your friend.

Just seen that other posters are questioning dyspraxia too. It certainly rings a bell with me.

MrsTerryPratchett yes i have heard this too regarding support. Thanks.

Disagreeing with your teacher friend saying about NOT mentioning it to the school.

My three boys received no help, no support and no referrals through the school system. he one with ADHD was simply thought of as naughty, and the other two pretty much left to their own devices as they sat quietly and were ignored at the back of the class.

We had to do it all independently. It took time but ultimately led to great things. Once we had those firm diagnosis though, help WAS forthcoming and two were able to attend wonderful special schools and one helped within mainstream. Had we not decided to fight for our children's needs, the school system would probably never got around to making the REAL difference that they needed.

Please follow your gut. YOU know your children best. YOU are the expert.

Dunham- it is poor muscle control all over but it is more apparent when using her hands. She is not good at sport or dancing either (but she tries).
I would not listen to your friend either, If you need to seek outside help then there are usually long waiting lists- I had to push really hard to get help for my DD, if you think she is struggling then get her help. First port of call is to talk to the school about your concerns.

You've already had lots of useful suggestions that I can agree with, but I definitely don't feel you are belittling anything

Write down your concerns and talk to your GP (if likely to be sympathetic) - start with teachers and ask to talk to school nurse, if not.

sweetmelissa, that's great. Thanks for your post. Lots of info for me to mull over. Very interesting about ADHD and numbers.
I will have a look into look at dyspraxia. She certainly does have a problem with spatial awareness. It is quite typical for her to hug me but end up headbutting me by mistake.

Most people with ADHD would also have dyspraxia.

I certainly think you need her assessed by a professional. And don't wait for school. They're not qualified to diagnose. It's not easy for them to say 'I think there's a probkem' even if they go notice it.

Go to your GP and ask for a referral to the child development paedetrician. Take a list of all the possible symptoms with you.

Good luck. The sooner you have a label the easier it is for you and school to figure out what might help.

Just picking up on sweetmelissa's post - ADHD can be primarily hyperactive, primarily inattentive, or both. It sounds like Sweetmelissa's DC is primarily hyperactive.

And of course, the things mentioned in this thread very often come together, which is why a diagnosis is important. DS1 has ASD and ADHD - and is slightly hypermobile and has poor motor planning, so is contantly covered with bruises. He also has sensory integration difficulties. It's all interlinked. DS2 has ASD and is also hypermobile, but his gross motor dyspraxia is less marked than DS1's, these days, probably because it was picked up on when he was small.

And I agree that you should ignore teacher friend's advice. No all teachers are aware of what they're seeing (and some even think that they can discipline and regiment all quirks out of a child).

I don't know if it is different area to area, but my GP would not refer until he had a letter from the school backing up what I was telling him.

Hugging/Headbutting - yes, yes, yes!

Another thing with dyspraxia can be difficulty writing on lines, or having trouble recognising that you are going to run out of space on the paper (eg starting a long word at the edge).

Can she pour herself a drink or does she often spill it? My son never recognised that a huge bottle of milk was never going to fit into a small glass.

And trouble in crowds, bumping into people more than would be usual?

My dd2 is about to be officially dyspraxic - rings bells with me as well x

Yes 'sweetmelissa' !!!! writing on lines is very difficult. And the running out of space thing. Writing either far too big or itsy bitsy. Looks like it's hard work holding the pencil and moving it along when she's writing. Her fingers end up at the end of the pencil (at the bottom).

pouring self drink. I keep a water bottle around for her to avoid spilliage. Otherwise, i hold it for her with a straw. If there's a full cup anywhere near her it will almost certainly get knocked over. DS is 19 months younger than her but was better at drinking from cup when he was 2.5 than she was at 4. Always dropping her cuttlery, or dropping biscuits accidentally on floor as she's eating it. That kind of thing.

bad at taking off and putting on her shoes and clothes too.

BUT brilliant at walking along a balance beam at gymnastics party !! which contradicts her lack of coordination.

She sounds like my DS and I'm just in the process of getting the school to get him assessed. My thinking was Dyspraxia, we do have it in the family. His teacher hasn't got a clue about Dyspraxia, but his report was all about his lack of concentration, his daydreaming and fidgeting. His motor skills have improved but his handwriting is still huge and messy, and definitely yes to writing off the page, he did it earlier while writing his name.

And despite his complete inability to walk or run without tripping he is really good at climbing, can scale the climbing wall at Beaver camp no problems!

If you think there's a problem then ask the Senco to have a look (though DS's senco is proving to be pretty useless - he did well at his IEP work because it was all 1:1 so she said he was fine. His problem is not concentrating/daydreaming when working alone.)

not really - my daughter rides and has balance and plays football and has good foot/ball coordination - but she can't use a knife or fork and can't follow simple instructions

for example if I say 'go upstairs and fetch your shoes and bobble and a hair brush' she will bring down the brush - she forgets the rest

The worst bit is her anxiety and obsessions - they are very hard work