To be scared after registering as organ donor.

[RoxyFox211]

Always wanted to do it but had a wierd hesitation ( just in case we some how feel or are aware of organ removal after death). I'm very interested in religion, although not affiliated myself, would love to read as many religious texts as possible. In starting this post im just interested really in other peoples choices for or against being on the organ donation register, both religiously, philosphically & otherwise.

Everyone donates their organs eventually - ashes to ashes, dust to dust to soil to grass to food.

Organ donation just shortens the process.

I think it's unlikely that anything could make your husband feel worse if you died- except possibly having to make such a decision. If you make it in advance for him it's at least one thing he doesn't have to think about.

I am on the organ donor register. Far as I'm concerned they can chop me up into itty bitty pieces and do whatever they want, I won't be around to care! I also give blood every three months since I was 17.

HOWEVER!

At 14, my parents and brother died. I was asked for permission to donate their organs. Both of my parents were on the register, I said yes, it is what they wanted. My dad especially would have gone nuts (were he around) if I had refused.

They then asked abut my brother.

My little, 8 years old, brother. Somehow this was different. Even though the same logic applied, his death could benefit others, I was surprised by how badly I reacted to the idea of them cutting him open. Every bit of me screamed out that it was 'wrong'.

I'm ashamed to say, I refused. I just couldn't handle the thought of his little body laying there and being cut into.

As I grew up I've carried that shame and guilt and regret with me. How many children died because I refused them my brothers organs? I have a little girl now who is totally healthy thankfully, but what if she needed a transplant but everybody did what I did and refused?

Sadly though, I think if the decision came up again, my answer would be the same.

I can make decisions for myself. I can make decisions for other adults. But when it comes to children, I can't do it.

Well, if its so unlikely he would object, then theres no problem is there?

Im thinking of the scenario where it would hurt him.

Must be common, as they always try to get the deceased's relatives to agree to donation. A large amount must refuse, or there wouldn't be an organ shortage would there?

Personally I don't believe in any God or afterlife, and couldn't care less what happens to my body after death.

But I completely understand and respect the fact that some people would hate the idea of a relative being chopped up and used for spare parts... I might sign the register if I knew DH would have the final say.

I didn't say it would be unlikely that he would object. I said that being a sked to make the decision at a time like that would be horrendous, and it would be so much better if he could just follow your wishes, rather than trying to work out what you would have wanted.

Laly that mustve been a terrible decision to have to make.. especially at that age. You must have been so alone and sad.

Don't feel guilty, you did a good thing in horrible horrible circustances

Curlew, obviously we have talked about it. He said he would want to decide at the time should anything so awful happen, because you cant predict how you will react.

I feel the same about him. I feel its the next of kins decision without a doubt.

Can I just share my experience on here.

My child died. It was the worst, shittiest thing that could have ever happened.

I chose to donate my childs organs.

The result for me was still the same. My child was dead, that was it now. I could very well have chosen not to donate them and it wouldn't have made a jot of difference to my life at all.

I wasn't at the funeral thinking 'gosh this is sad, it would have been so much easier if my child still had their kidney' it was awful, crushing, heartbreaking pain and it would have been regardless of anything else and I didn't even give it a second thought.

A short while later I received 3 letters, from 3 sets of very grateful parents, one of whos child was literally hours away from death, those letters contained words I had said myself, had the same desperation I felt, but now, instead of them having the same awful ending I did, they had a happy ending, because their children were with them.

Now I may be weird because I chose not to reply to them, or know any further developments in their childrens lives, which may be selfish of me I suppose, but I didn't want to have any sort of a relationship with those families, it was enough to me to know their children were ok.

Now those letters are some of my most treasured possessions. Yes my child died, and all these years on it still hurts so, so much, but looking back it wouldn't make one bit of difference to me and my situation now, it has made a huge difference to the people who received those organs. Their lives have been changed and they still have their children, they may very well not have if I hadn't donated my childs organs.

To those who think its like 'cutting up and portioning off' (which is a phrase I must thank you for) it really isn't. Its not something you even think about once its done, except for the odd moment of happiness and even pride that your child helped other families, and you know that someone isn't sitting there right now feeling the way you do.

You might think you know how you will feel afterwards, but you really don't.

Laly what a terrible decision to have to make at that age. Please don't feel any guilt. I think (potentially) it might be an easier decision in respect of your own child, rather than another family member, IYSWIM? I can't imagine being in that position.

Also, I think in the horrible hours that follow losing a loved one, ime, relatives are more likely to refuse organ donation as they are still trying to process what's happened and don't want any more trauma for their loved ones. I think it's much better to have your wishes set out and discussed with your family beforehand. I would be most upset to find out that DH had gone against my wishes. Equally I now know that DM doesn't want her organs donated. If we hasn't discussed it already I'd have assumed she was fine with it and would have consented after her death. I really don't understand why you wouldn't make the decision yourself about what you want to happen with your body and take the angst out of the hands of your relatives.

Sure Trazzletoes, you can discuss it and say what you would prefer, but I don't see any need to sign the register then. Not when there is even a tiny chance my DH might not agree at the time.

MY final wishes are that HE gets to decide. That is as important to me as being a donor is to you

I was sort of idling thinking about looking into organ donation, and so this thread caught my eye.

Now though, I'm actually really alarmed by leverette's post. Doctors inject you with painkillers before harvesting organs? I only know three doctors (one GP, one surgeon, one researchy-type) personally, but all three are very brisk, no-nonsense types. If they gave a person painkillers, I'd think it would be because there was reasonable doubt over whether or not pain could be felt. Surely giving painkillers suggests there is a possibility of pain being felt/something still going on?

I see others have posted while I was slowly typing. I am sorry if I have raised unpleasant thoughts; I very much admire those who lost loved ones and let their organs be given to others.

Goodtouch your husband would have a say, even if you are on the register. It is standard practice to discuss donation with next of kin and family, explaining that the individual had placed themselves on the donors register, if he had very strong views against this it would be taken into consideration and likely the retrieval would not go ahead.

I'm a little at the comment about organs going to druggies etc. the majority of people requiring kidney donation in the uk have renal failure due to diabetes. Having a kidney transplant can potentially prolong their life and save them having to have dialysis several times a week. It is possible in some people to have a pancreas transplant while having a kidney transplant, effectively curing their diabetes as well as their renal failure.

Recipients are carefully chosen. Organs are precious and are going to be given to those who are the best match and in greatest need. And who are not likely to persue risk taking behavoiur to risk damaging the new organ.

Laly, you saved or changed the lives of lots of people that day. Please don't feel ashamed at the decision you made. You cannot change it, just learn from it, move forward and let it go. I cannot even begin to imagine how you were or coped with that day.

Of course there is doubt. The body is kept "alive" and the doctors cant be 100% about not feeling pain. They wouldn't do it otherwise

I know Monty, that's how it stands at the moment, but it could change as part of the new initiative, along with prioritising people on the register.

Awesome I am no medical expert at all.

I can assure you that there is no way they would overlook even a millionth of a percent of a chance of any recovery.

They do all sorts of tests, those results are then checked by the doctors who did the tests, and then by someone else, in case anything is missed, then all the tests are redone by a different doctor, checked, and rechecked again by another doctor. Some of these tests were done on machines (don't know the names of them all) that track heart rates oxygen, blood pressure etc, and if any tiny thing changed when they tested pain reactions then it wouldn't be done. They also do a load of other tests, that I don't really understand that test the brain, and, again, any reaction would mean they don't do it.

I then asked for yet another doctor to come and talk to me and that request was granted as well so all in all there were 5 specialist doctors all saying the same thing.

I made all sorts of barmy requests that they granted, because at that point, everything is done for the comfort of the family, and they are very respectful, I even asked for particular music to be played and someone to sit throughout talking to my child in the theatre, and they did it, for me, because it made me feel 'better', not because it made any difference to my child.

Goodtouch of course there isn't any doubt! Don't be daft. Someone has already stated that 2 Drs must confirm brain stem death. If you are dead you won't be feeling any pain because you're, you know, dead. I'm perfectly fine with my dead body being treated with dignity , which is what I understand the anaesthetic is for. It would give me some comfort to know that the body of my DH or DCs were anaesthetised while it was happening even though I know it's not in any way necessary.

Makes no sense to me. If you are dead enough to have your organs harvested, you are dead enough not to need anaesthetic.

The ambiguity would make me feel worse if it were my family, not better.

I do have my own religious beliefs and also feel very strongly about organ donation. I carry a donor card in every handbag and have made sure that my next of kin are fully aware that, should it come to it, the Doctors can help themselves to whatever is of use to them. I'd have no hesitation in donating a kidney to my loved ones while I'm still alive and the only reason I don't give blood is because I was very ill a few years ago and although I'm fully recovered, they don't want it anymore.

I'm certainly not an expert on all the various religious opinions on the subject, but I suspect not all of them would encourage organ donation. The stance I've taken is that the bible and other religious texts were written by men, so contain their own beliefs, opinions and prejudices. It's not as though any of them have spent any time on the other side, had a chat with whichever Deity they believe in and are reporting back. You have to do what feels right to you.

GoodTouch - Your brain 'feels' pain, not your body. When organs are taken from someone who has died, the brain is dead. The body is technically 'dead' as well but the body is ventilated so that blood flow continues to go to the organs which keeps them in the right condition to be removed. When the ventilator is turned off, the heart will stop beating quite quickly and that is because the person is already dead.

There is no 'doubt' involved.

OK, but why the anaesthetic? Leveretts post says its for peace of mind. That sounds a lot like "just incase" to me.

GoodTouch you go ahead and hear whatever you want to hear.

The science, as has been explained, says otherwise. I would suspect that it might feel odd for the surgeons to be operating on a body that has a beating heart without anaesthetic so it may help them.

I've already said it would comfort me if it were a family member.

It wouldn't comfort you. That's fine. Especially as it seems your organs are unlikely to be donated anyway. And if it freaks you out, tell your DP you don't want your organs donated.

GoodTouch - I think I remember reading that it has something to do with reflex movement and the actual physical side of the operation - I don't know the technical ins and outs of this but I am guessing that the anaesthesia plays a part in affecting blood pressure/heart rate etc.. Maybe someone medical will come along and explain that properly...

Awesome wellies and Goodtouch. As health professionals we do some odd things when it comes to death. As a nurse I can assure you that when I am washing and preparing a dead body ready to go to the mortuary I will always talk to the person, as in "now, I'm just going to roll you on your side Mr/Mrs so and so, so that I can wash your back" etc. they can't hear me, but it's about continuing to respect the person they were while their body remains in my keeping. All nurse I know do the same. The pain relief is a similar thing on one level. A reminder that this was a living person, was someones loved relative and deserves to be respected, isn't just a piece of inert meat.
Also I believe that there are some basic autonomic responses that may cause increase in blood pressure and pulse rate during organ retrieval. As the aim is to have organs that are as undamaged as possible it is important to keep the donors system in as stable a condition as possible. Anaestheisia will achieve this. Bit basic as I'm not involved in the donor service but I believe correct.