You are not a bad mother - you are a mother! I don't know anyone who could categorically say they have not found parts of parenting hard. Having 2 little ones has been the hardest experience of my life, and contrary to my broody dreamings pre-dc, I have not enjoyed large chunks of it. I find the extent of their needs just too intense sometimes. I used to fantasise about a hospital stay too. Things that have helped me:
Being honest about it, talking to dh, dm, hv, friends, neighbours and colleagues about what I find hard or when I feel I'm doing badly - I have received love, support, honesty and insight - and no judgement.
Throwing money at things - at various times we have had a cleaner, sent stuff to the launderette, had an ironing lady, dog walker, window cleaner, and at one point when both dc were poorly endlessly I paid a uni student to come round on her holidays and just get one to sleep for me or play with one while I fed the other. I've used online food shopping, paid for Amazon Prime so that last minute birthday presents etc are possible. DD1 has always gone to cm, nursery, preschool etc.
Doing things to keep me me - I was a member of a book group ages before dc. Now I do everything I can to make meetings and read the book. It's one little thing that I carve out time for that has nothing to do with dc. Quite a few people in the group are not parents and none too interested in dc, so it's a place where I'm known as me, not as Mum. Ditto work, keeping in touch with work while on mat leave, offering to go in (with bf baby) for training or meetings or starting back with KIT days has kept me motivated and helped me feel valued in a different way. Going to work and developing myself in a completely different way, and feeling economically productive is vital for my mental health.
Maintaining my relationship with dh - when communication has faltered due to tiredness or being parents, we have called meetings and tried to discuss how we feel, written lists of what we need from each other and then tried to work out how to provide said things. We've developed systems so that we each get our own time to do what we want to do regularly, and ensure we get a chance to get an early night or a lie in regularly too.
Getting out/joining in - I couldn't have coped on my own - I went to most things that I could at the children's centre, I went to the library for song sessions, I used the leisure centre creche to take them swimming in turn, I look out for open days/fun days/activity days etc. Being with others helped me plough on and felt less pressured than staying at home. DM and DH thought I was weird for getting out all the time when I was exhausted but I knew that was the best option.
Time - mine are getting older and easier everyday. I don't know when it happened, but I suddenly realised I wasn't hating it all the time! It gets better and better, and you realise the intensity is lessening, and now they're going to be going to school and I realise I am going to miss our whole days together!
What Mothers Do was a good book for me, as it made me see I was a good mum by just being. Be kinder to yourself - this too shall pass.