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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be really upset

40 replies

stupidperson2 · 16/07/2013 15:59

I booked a holiday, first one for over ten years.

I just cancelled it as I couldn't cope and everything I needed to do was just overwhelming me and upsetting me.

it was the right thing to do I think but I just feel upset and like i'll never get to go away - ever!

OP posts:

Dackyduddles · 16/07/2013 16:01

Well you won't if you cancel it will you? What things? Why? Maybe mn can help you plan better so you can rebook.

FlatsInDagenham · 16/07/2013 16:02

Do you mean you couldn't cope with everything you needed to do to prepare for going on holiday?

tripecity · 16/07/2013 16:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

stupidperson2 · 16/07/2013 16:04

Dacky, I know that. I don't think I will get to go away to be honest! It's fine, I suppose I liked the idea of a holiday more than the reality but I just feel like crying now! flats yes pretty much.

OP posts:

HardlyMotherTheresa · 16/07/2013 16:05

Maybe book an easier different sort of break instead? Maybe stay in the same country (no passport hassles or planes) and go somewhere you can relax - you sound stressed and a holiday will do you good.

sagfold · 16/07/2013 16:06

Is this an anxiety issue? Are you prone to agoraphobia or fear of social situations? I have some personal experience of this in my family and my experience is that it gets worse over time and will not get better by itself. Each avoidant act reinforces the behaviour. It can be crippling.

Seek help from GP. CBT counselling or maybe antidepressant therapy or a combination of both may help.

Original poster

stupidperson2 · 16/07/2013 16:06

Thanks :) yes it was just getting me very worked up and I ended up getting so anxious I cancelled no wonder I never go anywhere!

OP posts:

ShatnersBassoon · 16/07/2013 16:07

What parts of preparing do you find too difficult? Someone might have some advice to make things easier.

ElsieOops · 16/07/2013 16:07

Do you mean a holiday abroad or one in this country? It kind of depends what you were finding too much, but I'd suggest trying something simpler than you had planned first.

The first time I went abroad with kids I made a huge song and dance about everything and found it really stressful, but it was worth it and after that time it got easier.

Original poster

stupidperson2 · 16/07/2013 16:08

sagfold no not really, I manage to work, and so on. It's just I struggle with basic sort of tasks from time to time. The idea of driving onto a ferry and negotiating my way through a foreign country was too much. Plus I don't think i'd have really enjoyed it anyway but I just feel really low now.

OP posts:

FlatsInDagenham · 16/07/2013 16:09

How about booking a holiday in the UK instead?

FlatsInDagenham · 16/07/2013 16:10

I'm going to the Lake District this year and I'm just as excited as when I went to France last year.

ShatnersBassoon · 16/07/2013 16:10

I driving holiday abroad is jumping in at the deep end. Book somewhere in Britain. The weather's set to be good for 3 weeks...

stayathomegardener · 16/07/2013 16:11

I always really stress pre holiday with packing etc.

We once gave an employee a long service gift of a weekend in a very swish local hotel and they failed to take it so nice hotel said we could go instead.
Was fantastic,only about twenty mins away so anything I forgot could be fetched,of course I didn't forget anything. Totally stress free.

Is that something you could consider?

Original poster

stupidperson2 · 16/07/2013 16:11

I could do, I do go to places in the UK, but I feel stupid on my own. I think i'd feel more anonymous elsewhere in the world. I always feel really self conscious in the UK!

OP posts:

sagfold · 16/07/2013 16:12

My worry would be that you can live without going.on holiday, so can avoid it but I suspect your anxiety will bleed into other more mundane aspects of your life. Eg attending GP or hairdresser will leave you a gibbering wreck. Sorry if I am way off the mark, maybe too influenced by my own experiences in my family, but red flags are being raised to me here.

Seek help and good luck!

MediumOrchid · 16/07/2013 16:13

A holiday that stresses you out is no holiday. Pick something easy to organize - a cottage in the countryside somewhere? Is it just for you or for a family as well?

Original poster

stupidperson2 · 16/07/2013 16:14

just for me, so I am quite limited in what I can do. I think I might leave it until I do have a family I can go away with, it's just I've been waiting so long for that

OP posts:

stayathomegardener · 16/07/2013 16:16

Wow I'd be really stressing about driving on the wrong side,Ferrys,Language etc. I think that is reasonably normal
I would go and am sure it would be a great experience that I would look back on fondly.

But yes UK in this weather would be just as good...What some suggestions?

MediumOrchid · 16/07/2013 16:17

If I were choosing a holiday just for me, I'd go somewhere like Cornwall, rent a nice little cottage or apartment, take lots of books and go for lovely long walks along the coastal path, all by myself. Of course it depends on the sort of things you like doing!

ElsieOops · 16/07/2013 16:18

You could do something like a train trip to Paris - no need to drive and loads of interesting things to do once there. Or how would a guided trip sound - that way you would be with a group if you wanted to be.

Cluffyflump · 16/07/2013 16:19

Can you arrange a weekend away with friends or family?
I get worried about going places on my own too. I really envy 'go getter' types!
I used to be so chilled out about stuff.

EatingAllTheCrumpets · 16/07/2013 16:20

You sound like you need a little break.
A UK holiday could be a nice way of doing it. Even if its just a long weekend.

Nobody will bat an eyelid if you're on your own, DH's mum goes away quite often on her own, it's cheaper and less stress as there's no compromising on where you go, where you eat, what you see etc

If you go self catering you won't have to eat out if you feel uncomfortable, take a book or two, and wander round the beaches or villages. In the evening you could watch a film or similar, put a face mask on, do you feet and have a full on chilled weekend or week.

Pennyacrossthehall · 16/07/2013 16:21

FlatsInDagenham
I'm going to the Lake District this year ...

The Lake District is spectacularly beautiful. I went for the first time a few years ago and can't believe it took me so long.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 16/07/2013 16:21

How about booking a weekend away somewhere in Northern Europe just as a trial run. Perhaps getting the Eurostar to Paris and picking two or three things to do e.g. go to the Louvre and see the Mona Lisa and go up the Eiffel Tower. You won't need to pack much, no issues with ferries etc. It might help get your confidence up.

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