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AIBU?

To wonder how its possible for someone to forget about their baby [Warning: distressing news story]

159 replies

foreverondiet · 15/07/2013 21:01

link

3 deaths in 2 weeks in a tiny country. How is it possible to forget about your baby. Btw I don't think any of these were people who just nipped into the shops and left their babies in the car on purpose. But struggling to understand how it's possible to happen by accident?

OP posts:

Report

RoooneyMara · 17/07/2013 09:12

Also the woman in Aus who left her baby in the car, went out to buy takeaway with her 6yo and 6mo, and then when they got home, they went in and left the baby there from 4.45 till 7.10, so only 2 and a half hours. And that was enough to kill the baby.

It made me think. I wouldn't leave ds3 out of earshot, in case he woke, so we could go to him right away - but that's a shorter period of time than the ones linked to earlier, and in the evening too.

ZingWidge · 17/07/2013 09:15

Rooney - it's the combination of direct sunlight and no windows open that make a car an oven, essentially.

when you are driving you notice excessive heat - so as lobg as you are comfortable (windows open or air-con on) baby's ok.

also in the shade with windows/doors open - no problem as there's no excessive heat build up.
and I presume you'll check on baby every 5 mins or so anyway.
We've done that many times.

RoooneyMara · 17/07/2013 09:34

thankyou Zing. That makes sense.

Our air con doesn't work so it is often very uncomfortable in the car, but we do open the windows to ameliorate it so when we're going along there is some air flow.

ZingWidge · 17/07/2013 09:49

take bottles of water with you. I always have a few in the car.

if you break down or stuck in traffic and therefore there's no airflow you can pour/dab/sprinkle some water on baby (or anyone) to cool off.

use a book or a piece of cardboard as a fan

and of course keeping hydrated is very important - again it's good to have some emergency water supply in the car (even if it ends up a bit warm)

CocktailQueen · 17/07/2013 09:51

That's an incredible article. Amazing. those poor babies.

Poledra · 17/07/2013 09:52

I've read that Washington Post article before - harrowing but a brilliant piece of journalism.

I was thinking about it, and I wonder if the trend for smoked glass in car windows has also increased the likelihood of this happening? I usually glance in the back of the car as I lock it and walk away - with my previous cars, I could see if anything was left there (usually checking that nothing of monetary value had been left in full sight, rather than children). However, with my current car, (Galaxy) I can't see in the rear windows as they're smoked. So I'd have no idea that I forgotten a child.

I have been fortunate enough never to have forgotten my child, but a colleague has turned up at work and realised that his daughter was still in the car when he was supposed to have dropped her off at nursery - he'd told her to be quiet, as she was being a pain, so she was. It was only when she said 'Isn't this your work, Daddy?' that he remembered she was there.

nappyaddict · 17/07/2013 10:21

My mum walked all the way home once leaving my DSis in her pram outside a shop.

Not child related but fits in with the unusual routine theory. DP has a car, I do not. My work is only 25 minutes walk away so usually I walk there and back or sometimes I get a lift from a colleague.

Last week DS had sports day which finished at 11:30am and I needed to be in work for 12pm which wasn't doable on the bus so I borrowed DP's car. When I got to work I parked to the right hand side where I always park if I happen to have the car. When I left work, I walked out of the entrance and straight down the pedestrian step entrance to the car park on the left handside as I do most days as I usually walk. I walked halfway home before realising I had driven to work that day!

RowanMumsnet · 17/07/2013 10:36

Hello

Just to let you know, we've posted warnings on the Pulitzer/WaPo article links because a few posters have said how distressing they found it.

ZingWidge · 17/07/2013 10:38

nappy addict done that too.

drove to school to pick up DS3, walked to other school ( closer to home) to pick up DS1 & DS2 and walked home.
never even registered that the car was missing from outside our house!
DH asked me where it was when he came home-I had to walk to bloody school at 9pm to get the car.

aliasjoey · 17/07/2013 10:47

If most parents believe it couldn't happen to them (which is understandable) perhaps it would help to have nurseries and childminders have a system in place to track children who haven't turned up, same as schools do.

If it was their policy to check all non-arrivals, it wouldn't appear to be singling out any particular parent or implying that they were careless or forgetful.

RowanMumsnet · 17/07/2013 10:47

Hello again

We've also edited the title to include a warning there as well.

Thanks
MNHQ

MidniteScribbler · 17/07/2013 10:52

aliasjoey - my son's daycare calls if you haven't arrived by 9am.

5madthings · 17/07/2013 11:11

Whilst I think a warning is appropriate, as it is upsetting, I do think this needs awareness raised, esp given the current weather in the UK.

Anything thya raises awareness to help prevent tradgedies has to help.

Prozacbear · 17/07/2013 11:48

God, that article was gut-wrenching. I can't imagine how horrific it must be for those parents ...

I don't drive, and luckily DS is a chatterbox, but in the morning I am so on autopilot that I don't actually remember much about getting him up, taking him to nursery etc. I was trying to remember what he was wearing this morning and it took me a good ten minutes - I can imagine leaving him on the bus if he stayed quiet for more than 5 minutes!

ZipItShrimpy · 17/07/2013 12:20

Totally agree 5MadThings. Sometimes it takes something really shocking to make the message sink in.

The weather is so hot at the moment that even a relatively short space of time could be catastrophic for a child in a car.

Owllady · 17/07/2013 12:24

I left ds2 (my third) in the car when he was a few months old and I honestly cannot tell you why. I couldn't park the car by the house and had to park a few streets away. I then got out of the car and walked home, went into the house, sat down etc. Dh was there and he asked where ds2 was and at that point I realised I had left him in the car. It wasa hot day as well. I ran back and he was asleep and fine, but I felt awful. I haven't done it since, but really honestly I cannot even explain to myself why i did it, it was completely accidental

ZingWidge · 17/07/2013 12:28

owllady (hug)

ZingWidge · 17/07/2013 12:31

I can't read it.

I'd rather not know details.
same reason I don't watch the news or read the papers.
I can't cope...

but I agree, raising awareness is very important.

neepsandtatties · 17/07/2013 12:50

This mainly seems to occur on the way to dropping off children at daycare/childcare. Couldn't there be a campaign where all nurseries/childminders agree that they will make all efforts to contact parents within half-an-hour for un-notified absences? I know this wouldn't catch every case (due to swiss cheese effect) but it would have to be worth a try.

Wishfulmakeupping · 17/07/2013 13:13

That's a really good idea neeps not sure how we would go about pushing these suggestions from this thread but am happy to help.
Does anyone know how we might begin to do something to raise awareness?

Wishfulmakeupping · 17/07/2013 13:15

I wonder if it might be good to spread that article further- I found it very upsetting to read but that's why it stuck with me maybe if we could share on FB/twitter that would be a start- I will ask mumsnet on FB to share- anyone on twitter?

Cheekybubbles · 17/07/2013 15:27

I wouldn't share on my Facebook or twitter as I found the article too graphic and upsetting.

I agree wholeheartedly the awareness has to be raised but found some of the details unnecessary, eg the worst case ever. I wish I had never read that and I would be happier to pass on if some of the detail was toned down a bit.

ThePowerof3 · 17/07/2013 16:22

I do t know how to link articles or if its possible on iPad but I was just reading an article from an American paper and 13 babies/toddlers have died after being left in a hot car in the USA this year alone

Trills · 18/07/2013 08:20

On an ipad when you are looking at something on the internet put your finger on the URL

the internet address, that looks a bit like this

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/a1803654

then press it again and hold it and it should give you the option to "select all" and then to "copy".

Then go to the place you want to put it (in the writing-box on MN) press and hold again, and you should get the option to paste, whereupon the URL will magically appear in that writing box

Then if you want it to go linky, check the box under the MN-writing-box saying "Convert links automatically"

Whothefuckfarted · 18/07/2013 09:04

I shared the (distressing) article along with this video on my face book

I agree the details in the article are graphic, two nights now it's taken me awhile to get to sleep. But I tell you what, I glance in every car I walk past now. It's a distressing article, but if you read it, it really does drive the message home. Whereas the video just points out not to purposely leave your child, or walk away when you see one alone in a car. The article had much more impact on my future actions.

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