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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that your children should be your priority?

124 replies

Readallaboutit1 · 15/07/2013 17:13

'Your father will always be my priority, over you, your sibling, over everyone'.

I have a DS and I am due to have DC2 very soon, there is no way that anyone including my husband would be of priority over my children.

I am stunned by this statement from my 'D'M.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Dilidali · 15/07/2013 20:32

youstayclassy, my child 'can do no wrong either', however, there are two parents, her Dad loves her just as much as I do and I'd be wary of her trying to play us against eachother, or of backing her in spite of her Dad's feelings. I can make it clear to her that both our opinions differ, but that she should take them both onto consideration. :)

squoosh · 15/07/2013 20:32

The last thing I'm going to do is take advice from a church. They can't be much cop if they are telling you how much and in what order you should show your love.

I don't play Top Trumps with loved ones.

exoticfruits · 15/07/2013 20:33

I can't see why anyone is ignored or 'second best'.
Maybe people are just insecure. I can't see the need to even think about who is a priority, who is loved more etc etc. it had never occurred to me that you had to have an order!

chillinwithmyyonis · 15/07/2013 20:33

My DC will always be my priority, even when they're grown up and have their own children, I always want them to feel like I'm there for them, not that as soon as they've left home I've washed my hands of them. They're blood, theres a biological link with them that comes before anything. I'm sure my dh feels the same, we love each other but the children are something special.

And my mum and dad were and are how you describe op, thats why I feel the way I do.

exoticfruits · 15/07/2013 20:34

The Bible can say whatever you want it to say- depending entirely on interpretation.

exoticfruits · 15/07/2013 20:35

Why on earth would you not be 'there for them'.Confused

exoticfruits · 15/07/2013 20:39

My mother is always there for me but she never had a silly pecking order!

HaveIGotPoosForYou · 15/07/2013 20:39

For me it's not whether I'd prioritise my daughter over my partner but in what situation. For example I would prioritise my daughters needs now because she is a baby.

Also, if DP wanted a party just because and it was my DDs birthday, I'd prioritise her birthday, obviously. If DD wanted to have friends over because she fancied it and DPs brother needed somewhere to stay as he was moving, I'd prioritise what he needed at the time.

It's all in context.

But yes, I feel like my daughter needs more protection than my DP but then I would as she is very little. When she is older, I may feel different, I'm not sure.

Bexicles · 15/07/2013 20:42

As much as I love my DP it doesn't come close to the bond I have with my DS. He is my number 1.
YANBU.

chillinwithmyyonis · 15/07/2013 20:42

I don't have a silly pecking order love.

exoticfruits · 15/07/2013 20:43

If you have a useless DP who doesn't have the DCs best interests at heart I could see the point of this silly discussion- but then I would leave him anyway. As a couple we both have their best interests at heart but , depending on the situation, they may not be the priority.

MyHumpsMyLovelyBabyBumps · 15/07/2013 20:44

I don't think in general life it's an issue exotic.

but if I suddenly didn't approve of the way dh was with the children. I'd put them before my marriage. or the hypothetical falling infront of a train scenario.
or if they were adults and needed money and dh said no. I'd still give it if I thought they needed it

exoticfruits · 15/07/2013 20:44

Sorry - their best interests would be priority- a given situation might not.

chillinwithmyyonis · 15/07/2013 20:45

My mum and dad have been together maybe 30 yrs or more, good for them, but all I remember as a child was them arguing for hours on end while we sat in our bedrooms, and my mum defending our dads emotional abuse towards us. All that effort to stay together to the detriment of their children's psychological wellbeing.

exoticfruits · 15/07/2013 20:46

As I said- if he didn't have their best interests at heart I wouldn't stay with him- but then he wouldn't be very loveable!

MyHumpsMyLovelyBabyBumps · 15/07/2013 20:50

yes, but unfortunately like chillingwithmyyonis and mine the urge to not be alone is often a priority for some parents, despite abuse

MyHumpsMyLovelyBabyBumps · 15/07/2013 20:53

chilling, mine divorced after 20 years, right after I moved out! I years being neglected, physically and emotionaly abused. she didn't want to be on her own... my father meant more. I'll never put my dh before my kids, he knows it, and he knows I expect that from him too

foreverondiet · 15/07/2013 21:07

Depends on age of children. I think would be reasonable in many circumstances if children were over 18.

exoticfruits · 15/07/2013 21:59

It all makes it sound as if you are 'superior' parent and somehow you love them more than their father. We are equal parents and therefore I am fully confident that we both have their best interests at heart - whether they have to be the priority depends on the circumstances.

MyHumpsMyLovelyBabyBumps · 15/07/2013 22:22

why do people always assume another persons choice is some comment on theirs? Confused are you saying you are superior to me at family dynamics because you don't need to prioritize your children?

mrsjay · 15/07/2013 22:28

I think if your an adult child then of course it is fine for you not to be a priority but for children children then no they need to be a top priority

exoticfruits · 15/07/2013 22:46

Surely everyone prioritised their DCs - it depends on if circumstances calls for prioritising. If DH is suddenly rushed into hospital as an emergency then you leave the DCs with someone and go in - he is the priority at that moment.

mrsjay · 15/07/2013 22:53

yeah that too exotic I would never put my children so high on a pedastal that my husband suffered but day to day whent hey are young I do think there needs come first but not always (does that make sense or am i rambling)

Pigsmummy · 15/07/2013 23:03

My mother left me and my sister as children to be with her now husband. I have no doubt that I am way down her priorities.

MyHumpsMyLovelyBabyBumps · 15/07/2013 23:06

I'm glad you feel that way exotic, I guess every one here who experienced differently is a liar