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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Expect dp to contribute to our future home?

37 replies

Helpforthehopeless · 14/07/2013 12:17

Currently still living apart from my dp after 4 years together as neither of us have a property big enough to accommodate the 4 children we have between us. I own my house (still mortgaged) and he rents a flat. I came up with the idea of renting out my house and renting something big enough for all of us, till two of the dc's go to uni in about 15 months. Then we intend to sell my house and buy somewhere out of London. He has approx. £85,000 from the sale of his parents' property (now deceased). He refuses to put this into the "pot" and says he wants to buy a small flat with it to give us further income. I feel he should put it towards out joint property. AIBU?

OP posts:

CloudsAndTrees · 14/07/2013 12:20

YABU.

You can have whatever ideas you like with his money, but if he wants to do something else, then your ideas will stay ideas.

I don't think think there's anything wrong with both of you keeping assets in your own names, especially as you aren't married.

RandomMess · 14/07/2013 12:21

Are you going to get married?

grobagsforever · 14/07/2013 12:21

Depends if the flat and house would both be in joint names. Unfair for the house to be in joint names but not the flat.

Original poster

Helpforthehopeless · 14/07/2013 12:23

No Random, I would marry him but he says after he divorced his first wife he vowed not to marry again.

CloudsandTrees, - but he expects me to put all my equity into our future home? How is that fair?

OP posts:

WafflyVersatile · 14/07/2013 12:24

So your plan is:

rent your house out.
him give up his rented flat.
you both rent a bigger property for 15 monthsish
then sell your house and use equity from that and his £85k to buy a property for you and 2DCs to live in and the other 2DCs to visit when not at uni?

And his plan is:

live apart for 15 months
use his money to buy a property for rental income
you buy somewhere together in 15 months using rental income from his property and sale of your house/rental from your house and your other incomes to pay that mortgage?

Is that correct?

RandomMess · 14/07/2013 12:26

I would just have something legal in writing that if he lives in the house that you fully fund he has no claim on it even if he helps pay the mortgage.

RandomMess · 14/07/2013 12:27

To me it reads like he wants a back up plan if it doesn't work out?

WafflyVersatile · 14/07/2013 12:28

Whatever you do you need to think about how you arrange to protect both of your assets going into the purchase.

If he wants to keep the £85k as his then you get to keep equity from your house as yours. He can't have it both ways, well he can but you shouldn't let him.

FredFredGeorge · 14/07/2013 12:29

how does his savings impact the plan? If you're renting out your house and renting another, then his savings can carry on where they are?

QuintessentialOldDear · 14/07/2013 12:29

Yabu.

But mostly because you want to combine your assets without seemingly thinking about your children's future financial security. What happens if you die, or split up?

He is sensible to keep assets in his own name.

You might be able to work out a way where he buys an investment property, you keep your house as an investment, and your new mortgage is based on the income of both your properties and your salaries combined.

You might have to change the mortgage of your house to a buy to let, if it will be tenanted. And to maximize on the income of your property, can decide to change to interest only, but whether this is sensible or not depends on your rate and your terms, so you should see a mortgage adviser about that.

But renting together first is sensible anyway, as you get to see how the two families "gel" together before you commit to buy.

WafflyVersatile · 14/07/2013 12:29

random which is fair enough but he shouldn't then try to deny her the same which it sounds like he is trying to do.

WafflyVersatile · 14/07/2013 12:32

It's hard to see how he loses out financially by renting together now (except moving costs etc). Maybe he doesn't want to live together yet.

You should get some proper financial/legal advice on how to protect your assets.

Original poster

Helpforthehopeless · 14/07/2013 12:36

Waffly, he's happy to do the rental thing for 15 months or so, it's the fact that I want him to contribute an equal amount (or nearly, I currently have £120,000 equity in my property). He wants to move somewhere that £120,000 would buy somewhere outright so we have no mortgage, but keep his £85,000 in his own name. The poster who said he wants a back up plan may have hit the nail on the head.

OP posts:

QuintessentialOldDear · 14/07/2013 12:40

Freeloader!

Is his name going to be on the deeds of the house YOU buy?

ITCouldBeWorse · 14/07/2013 12:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WafflyVersatile · 14/07/2013 12:43

There is nothing wrong with wanting a back up plan and maybe he feels he took a big hit from his previous break up.

Well you can do that if you are happy with that but the house you both live will be all yours then. And you'd need to make sure that was protected legally. And if you died what would his position be? Where would your children live? Who would inherit that property? You need to think about all this. Will his rental income be both your money or his money?

Buying a property for him for rental is not the only way for him to protect his assets you could put it into buying and still protect it but if one of you died it would probably take longer to sort out. Whereas if you split up and kicked him out he could give 2 months notice to his tenants and have that flat to himself.

whois · 14/07/2013 12:46

Well he doesn't sound l100% committed. Did he get burnt when his first marriage broke up?

If you end up buying a house outright which he comes to live in, ensure he's not anywhere on the deeds and charge him rent.

Erato · 14/07/2013 12:48

Unless you get married I wouldn't go down this path without legal advice. You need to make sure you don't end up with all of your equity in a joint asset that has to be split 50:50 if you break up. It's not very romantic but it's realistic.

RandomMess · 14/07/2013 12:48

If you bought a house outright with your money then you could protect it by keeping it in your name IYSWIM.

Sounds like you need to have a very frank discussion about who will inherit what if either of you die, what happens if the relationship breaks up etc and then ensure you legalise what you agree.

Original poster

Helpforthehopeless · 14/07/2013 12:50

Thanks for your comments everyone, I think the solution would be to keep the house we buy in my name unless he contributes financially, and I will try to judge his motives from his reaction when I tell him this later. Also (note to self) I must make a will!!

OP posts:

WafflyVersatile · 14/07/2013 12:57

But who will the rental income from the flat belong to? both of you to spend or just him?

Sounds like he will be living for free at your expense while raking it in with rental just for him.

Oldraver · 14/07/2013 13:05

If you buy a house outright from your equity and he refuses to contribut then make sure he has no call on that house at all.

And as Waffly asked...what is going to happen to the rental income ? does he get to keep this to himself or pay rent yo you ? As I can see a situation where you have put a roof over his head, he still has his fallback property and the possible income from this.

Sounds like a cocklodger in the making

Xales · 14/07/2013 13:11

You need to be very careful and get advise and make sure that your money, plus you and your children are safe in case of a split especially as he has made it clear there will be no marriage or protection for you that way.

Perhaps the best thing is to keep your house and the pair of you just rent long term?

TalkativeJim · 14/07/2013 13:16

Another note to self maybe - stop talking about 'the property WE will buy' - no, it's the property YOU will buy, with YOUR money, which HE has no plans to contribute to. So... It should be:

chosen by you, to meet your needs and those of your DC, for now AND if you should split up;
not be of a size that it would be unnecessarily expensive to run should you split- no buying a 5- bedder;
he should be paying rent, as he isn't investing.

Now. There's nothing wrong with him wanting to keep finances separate, it's sensible in many way. But if the above points aren't being met, then he's freeloading, and you're being daft. You're compromising your nest egg to make his life easier (eg buying a bigger house than you actually need in order for his kids to have somewhere to live) while HIS money is put to best use. That's not good.

A fair compromise would be him investing the difference between eg a three and four bedder in the main house, and you drawing up a legal doc specifying who put what in. You then get to keep a small % of your capital out of the house, but own the vast majority of it. He gets a small interest in the main house, which is his 'commitment', but keeps the vast majority of his capital and puts it into a flat. You split all living costs between you, with possibly fine tuning, eg if you know that his money is going to end up being more 'profitable' to him by bringing in rental cash while he lives with you, he pays you a % of it.

A word of warning. If, once you start going into this much detail and really pinning everything down to get it as equitable as it can be, he starts throwing a strop... It's the biggest red flag you'll ever see. Take major heed if this happens.

WafflyVersatile · 14/07/2013 13:19

If you sold your house and had £120k you could put 60k into buying a new home, he could put 60k into buying a new home. you could put 60k into buying a rental property and he could put 25k into buying a rental property. in your home you could either pay half each for bills or divide them proportionately depending on each other's income. on the rental home you could pay proportionately the costs and get proportionate income according to your investment in buying it.

then if you split up you sell the home and get 50% each or 60k each and proportionate amounts of any equity (if you have paid bills proportionately) and sell the flat and get back 60k and 25k respectively plus proportionate splits of any equity. (and share selling costs of both too)

If you go with another arrangement then it should be arranged so that the end result if you split up equals that stated above. It doesn't sound like his plan will result in this. You may be fine with that and that is fine but at the very least you need to protect your £120k and your children's future should you die.

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