Expect dp to contribute to our future home?

[Helpforthehopeless]

Currently still living apart from my dp after 4 years together as neither of us have a property big enough to accommodate the 4 children we have between us. I own my house (still mortgaged) and he rents a flat. I came up with the idea of renting out my house and renting something big enough for all of us, till two of the dc's go to uni in about 15 months. Then we intend to sell my house and buy somewhere out of London. He has approx. £85,000 from the sale of his parents' property (now deceased). He refuses to put this into the "pot" and says he wants to buy a small flat with it to give us further income. I feel he should put it towards out joint property. AIBU?

£120,000 won't buy much of a house outright even in up North!

Good point. Have you even looked to see what is available in your desired location?

I think you should continue to live apart. He doesn't sound fully committed to me - he doesn't want to marry you and he doesn't want to be tied financially.

What he does want, is to live in a house big enough for you all, but paid for by you.

I think your priority has to be your own children's financial future - if you die, do you really want all your money tied up in a house that he will lay claim to? You can't trust him to do right by your dc in a worst case scenario, because he is already showing you that he is looking after number one.

Remember too, that even if a house is solely in your name, if he lives there and you split or die, he can put a claim in, if he has contributed to living expenses/mortgage. I think the only way around that is a legal rental agreement, and I don't think many relationships survive when this sort of thing is necessary.

If you must live together, then rent a place that you both pay for equally and rent out your respective homes, but keep savings etc separate.

And if you DO live together in the house you have bought, who do you think will be responsible for maintenance and upkeep of the house? Who will do the majority of chores? Laundry for 6 people rather than 3? Who will do the shopping, and pay for the shopping? Bills? Council tax?

You really ought to rent first.....

I think he's hedging his bets which is fair enough as long as he accepts that any house bought with your money is kept in your name alone. Also if he moves in he would still be expected to contribute towards all the household bills and pay some some sort of rent.

I am just gobsmacked at how OP is meant to buy a house big enough for him and his children, with her money.... Moving to a cheaper area in order to do so.

Are your children meant to move away from their school and friends, in order to house this man and his children (who wont live there full time, but still need bedrooms)?

Well then whatever he stumps up as deposit for your joint home you match - the rest of your enquity can be put in to your own rental property or nest egg - unless the larger property is solely yours and he pays you rent.

Start from the position that you will keep your £120k house and rent it out and he can put his £85k into a new home for you all and you can get a mortgage between you for the rest. You can pay your half of the mortgage out of your rental income and he can pay it out of his non-rental earnings and see how he likes them apples.

Because this is basically what he's asking for but in his favour and to your detriment.

Any rental income he gets from his £85k flat will only exist because he's staying in your paid for home. It should be split between you.

So he wants you to eventually buy a house for you, him and 2 dc to which he'll contribute no equity? Why would you do that and why would he expect you to?

And you're now in London but plan to buy a house away from London with £120K and no mortgage and you want to buy outright and it has to be big enough for 2 adults + 2 dc + maybe 2 visiting student dc. You'll need work plans that involve working a looonnng way from London. You probably can't afford a house outright anywhere near London with your combined savings yet he wants you to find one without including his savings. Does he live in 1972?

Waffly - he says he wants the rent from the flat to be income for "us". I still see it as "commitophobia", as he refuses to commit in anyway other than benefits him the best. I said all I was set to gain out of our plans was more washing and cooking. He changes the subject when he hears something he doesn't like!

Jan49, good comment, it does sound like he's stuck in 1972! He has one child and I have 3, only one under 18 though. But all at home still. My ds and his dd will be going to uni. We are planning to move a long way from London. We both had plans to before we even met, so it seemed at the time to be a "match made in heaven". Now it's complicated so I am going to have to be very careful not to get stung.

It may be easier just to rent long term together away from London? Would the rental income from your current place more than cover your mortgage?