to have refused to take this child in my car?

[freddiefrog]

DH, our 2 kids and I went to the beach earlier.

While we were loading the boot one of the neighbour's kids was out the front and asked if he could come with us.

We only have a 4 seater car, so I said that I was happy for him to join us, but he'd have to get his mum to drop him off and collect him as we didn't have room in the car.

He goes off and my neighbour then appears - why can't I take him, he can squeeze in in the middle, it's not far, you won't be going very fast, if you go the back way you won't have to use the main road, there's plenty of room if your kids don't have their booster seats. All said in front of her son and my kids so I'm now cast as a heartless bitch for refusing to take her son to the beach

We have 4 seats and 4 seat belts. It's my licence and my insurance. End of discussion as far as I'm concerned.

Anyone would think I'd crapped on her doorstep, not offered to look after her son for a hours

YANBU. I wouldn't have taken him. A four seater car is meant for four passengers, not five. I don't understand why anyone would want to put their child's, or anyone else's child's, life at risk.

According to this survey 30% of accidents happen within a mile of home, and a further 35% happen between one and five miles away, so I wouldn't squeeze anyone in for a short journey tbh.

Negligent bitch. I'd've told her straight.

Sorry, posted too soon. I'd've told her that just because she doesn't care about her children, I care about mine, and seem to care for hers more than she does.

I also have a 4 seater, no middle belt, and i certainly would have not carried a passenger with no belt, anyone who says OP is unreasonable for not taking him doesnt much care about safety either, much like this poor boys mother.

Funny

you have middle seat belts (the OP doesn't)
You are transporting AN ADULT. So unless she cannot make decisiions, then it's part her choice.
This was someone elses child.

Unreasonable and uncharitable ? To say "NO , I won;t risk it"

And Short Journey Safety is the biggest fallacy.
Most accidents happen within a short distance to your home. It's not safer.

You do your thing, let the OP do hers eh?

I'm actually shocked at some of the attitudes on here, but I guess you'll find negligence anywhere, just a bit shocked to see it broadcasted.

oh OK then. Really no need to capitalise. I get it

Surely if a car has a middle seat belt then its a 5seater?

If the next door neighbours child had asked me, i would have said no anyway and i have the spare seat. Its a bit rude inviting yourself on a family day out! Wait til you're asked.

YANBU! And I don't understand why people are questionning the number of seats and belts the OP says she has in her car - I imagine she knows this pretty well herself! Off the top of my head, the VW Fox only has two seats and seatbelts in the back - it's not so uncommon.

Your neighbour sounds very entitled and completely inconsiderate - embarrassing for her really, arguing the toss in front of everyone like that. I feel sorry for her children - such little regard for their safety.

Citroen C1, Peugeot 107, Toyota Aygo all have only two rear seatbelts. It's not uncommon.

You are completely NBU OP, but I was only thinking today, while on the motorway, about how jealous I used to be of all the happy children I used to see waving out of the boot windows of estate cars in the 70s. I am an only child and we only ever had tiny cars so I never had that pleasure!

YADNBU.

Leaving aside that it's completely unsafe for all dc involved AND you could be stopped & prosecuted for doing it...

...at what point does it become OK to try to browbeat your NDN into taking your dc out for the day, anyway?

I'm on friendly terms with our neighbours. Our similarly aged sons shift from best mates to mortal enemies at least twice every school holidays, & have done for the 5 years we've lived here.

We have never had a convo about family A taking dc B, or family B taking dc A, anywhere that hasn't started with the 'going out' family freely offering by means of speaking to the other parents.

If my ds was pestering to join NDN family on a day out, & they hadn't already spoken to me/dh about it, he'd get a flat no from me & a rollocking for bothering them. Equally if NDN's ds pestered me, he'd be told 'not today - your parents & I might sort something out another day though.'

V cheeky all round.

What the OP said:- "I said that I was happy for him to join us, but he'd have to get his mum to drop him off and collect him as we didn't have room in the car."
What child heard:-"blah blah blah, you can come to the beach, blah blah blah blah"
What Mother heard from child:- "Freddiefrog, said I can go to the beach with her".

Your car, your rules...full stop.

If the next door neighbours child had asked me, i would have said no anyway and i have the spare seat. Its a bit rude inviting yourself on a family day out!

Snap. No way I would want to be responsible for another child on a crowded beach!

With regard to the conversation with NDN's son, I was paraphrasing in the OP.

He asked if he could come, I said no, we don't have room in the car, he then said can I come if my mum brings me, I said yes, you can join us but your mum will have to drop off/collect you

and we have 2 4 seaters and they both have a middle seat belt

Ok, but I don't. I have 4 seats, 2 in the front, 2 in the back.

4 seater cars don't have a middle seatbelt. If they do, they're 5 seater cars. YANBU, OP, however you phrased it. I don't understand why some say you should have phrased it differently. The phrasing doesn't matter. DC need to learn to listen to what is said. Your NDN was rude.

YANBU, I used to be asked by my ex dh's family to take home a neice even though there was not enough room in my car. My point was, do I leave one of my dc's without a seatbelt, or the neice? Put me in an impossible situation, but they got very annoyed when I refused!