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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have refused to take this child in my car?

69 replies

freddiefrog · 13/07/2013 15:13

DH, our 2 kids and I went to the beach earlier.

While we were loading the boot one of the neighbour's kids was out the front and asked if he could come with us.

We only have a 4 seater car, so I said that I was happy for him to join us, but he'd have to get his mum to drop him off and collect him as we didn't have room in the car.

He goes off and my neighbour then appears - why can't I take him, he can squeeze in in the middle, it's not far, you won't be going very fast, if you go the back way you won't have to use the main road, there's plenty of room if your kids don't have their booster seats. All said in front of her son and my kids so I'm now cast as a heartless bitch for refusing to take her son to the beach

We have 4 seats and 4 seat belts. It's my licence and my insurance. End of discussion as far as I'm concerned.

Anyone would think I'd crapped on her doorstep, not offered to look after her son for a hours

OP posts:
Eyesunderarock · 13/07/2013 18:20

Oh, and I was brought up in the 60s and 70s where you crammed everyone in like some ridiculous Cliff Richards special.

CaptainSweatPants · 13/07/2013 18:23

Wouldn't there be a seatbelt in the middle seat ?
Can't 3 fit in the back all with seat belts on?

sandwichyear · 13/07/2013 18:26

YADNBU. What a bitch!

Original poster
freddiefrog · 13/07/2013 18:30

Wouldn't there be a seatbelt in the middle seat ?

There isn't a middle seat. There's a small gap between the 2 back seats but not enough to sit in and there's no seatbelt. It is a 4 seater car

OP posts:
TerribleTantrums · 13/07/2013 18:33

You were right not to take the child, obviously, but I wouldn't have phrased it that way. I would have said "No, I can't take you because we don't have room in the car" and then maybe have talked to the neighbour (out of the child's hearing) to offer to look after him if she drooped him off.

I know that if somebody used your phrasing to my children what they would hear is "Yes, you can go, but you need to nag and whinge to your mother to make it happen". And then they would have a total tantrum when I said "No".

Your neighbour was v.unreasonable to want you to take him anyway as it would be dangerous, but I think she could have been justifiably peeved at you setting her up to be the bad guy.

CaptainSweatPants · 13/07/2013 18:35

Oh I see, sorry

shellmck · 13/07/2013 18:36

Your not alone CLARASCHU ive done the same in the past.

LustyBusty · 13/07/2013 18:43

I've kicked someone out of my car for not putting a seatbelt on! Grin he was pissed (obviously I wasn't!) and was telling me he didn't need it and didn't have to wear one on the bus. To which I (tired and cross) replied "get the fucking bus then!" Hazards on, stopped the car, leant over him and opened the door. People don't piss about in my car!!

Sparklingbrook · 13/07/2013 18:45

I had so many arguments with DS's mates about sitting on a booster seat. 'Oh I haven't used one for years' they would say even though age and height meant they should have. 'Just sit on it' i would say. Angry

lljkk · 13/07/2013 18:56

i thought you were going to be in a tizz just because you didn't have right car seat. But no restraint at all, omg, that's nuts unless true emergency.

hernow · 13/07/2013 20:52

YANBU you may go slowly but if someone were to crash into you they may not and then she would blame you no end as would the police, insurance company etc etc.

Jux · 13/07/2013 21:17

YANBU. And she's a cheeky mare.

Yes, when I was a kid we'd get 6 of us on the back seat and a couple in the boot, but there are 100 times as many cars, they're bigger, go faster and a lot of drivers are just stupid.

ibbydibby · 13/07/2013 21:42

It invalidates the insurance, doesn't it, if you have more people than seat belts in car, I think?

Also remember the tragic case of driver taking too many children to her child's birthday party venue a few years ago?

Fakebook · 13/07/2013 21:49

Yanbu. She obviously doesn't give a shit if her child goes flying through the windscreen if you had an accident. Your family and you would end up unhurt thanks to seatbelts and she'd be the one making sure you were put in jail for killing her son. Not worth the risk.

babyhmummy01 · 13/07/2013 21:50

It invalidates the insurance, doesn't it, if you have more people than seat belts in car, I think?

Not only this but it is against the law to carry more passengers than the car is designed to carry.

YADNBU - your car, insurance and license so you decide. You agreed to supervise him which was more than generous on the condition she dropped him off and picked him up with a truly valid reason - IMO you were more than reasonable.

She clearly doesn't give a toss about the safety of her child

WilsonFrickett · 13/07/2013 21:57

I also have a four seater car. There's no way I'd do this and she was an arse for asking. I'm glad you stood your ground.

PrettyKitty1986 · 13/07/2013 21:58

Yabu.

Not for refusing to take the child but for your reply....you're welcome to come with us as long as ...

If that was one of mine they'd probably come bouncing in all excited anout going to the beach, then inwould hsbe had to tell them no and dissapoint them. Her reaction and expectations wbu but you put her in a horrible position IMO.

Next time just say no.

PrettyKitty1986 · 13/07/2013 21:59

Then I would have to tell them

Fluffycloudland77 · 13/07/2013 22:03

Envy it's a convertible isn't it?

FunnysInLaJardin · 13/07/2013 22:06

we took granny in the middle this afternoon to the beach. I have no issue with an extra person in the middle for a short journey so I think YABU and rather uncharitable

FunnysInLaJardin · 13/07/2013 22:07

and we have 2 4 seaters and they both have a middle seat belt

Shlurpbop · 13/07/2013 22:10

lusty I've done the exact same thing - passenger refused to wear seat belt, I kicked him out the car. He was drunk. And rude. I only offered him a lift because I knew he had no qualms about drink driving. Twat.
(He went on to cause a death while drink driving a year or so later. Not really relevant to this story but shows how much of a stupid twat he was while drunk and in vehicles Sad)

Shlurpbop · 13/07/2013 22:14

What the hell is going on with the YABU's?!
The woman expected the OP to remove her children's booster seats in order to fit her child in.
That's three children all travelling illegally and unsafely in the OP's car.
That's the OP who would be a fault and left feeling guilty should there be an accident.
That's the OP that would have to deal with the comments and hatred for being so stupid, should the worst have happened.
Why is the OP unreasonable to allow that??
OP you were definately not being unreasonable

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 13/07/2013 22:14

I used to have a 4 seater car (driver, passenger and only 2 rear seat belts/ Not even a lap-belt in the middle)

My DC were both less than 4yo (in large car seats) and my MIL expected me to take my DN in the middle.
I refused which meant she had to get a taxi with him.
Cue much Hmm and tutting from her.
His father is a Police Officer Shock.
The Law, Safety and my Insurance meant F* All to her .

Earthworms · 13/07/2013 22:15

My 4 seater does not have a middle belt.

And I think statistically you tend to have more collisions on short journeys, (or the first and last 10 mins of the journey) so the 'it's ok it's only a short journey argument won't wash)

Whoever said about the mini up thread. There was an old clubman near us with the reg.no.

HAD 141 N

Looked like ' had 14 in'

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