AIBU to think choosing not to have a child does not make you "unlucky"?

[SaucyJack]

Saw a vile bitch frenemy at a gathering at the weekend who has really REALLY REALLY got my dander up by twatting on about how "lucky" I am to have children.

Basically, she's always wanted children in a semi half assed fashion, but has never wanted the hard work and sacrifices that go with raising a family.

Which is fine, and absolutely her choice. I just strongly object to the inference that I was "lucky" because I wanted children more than I wanted a disposable income/sleep/flat stomach/freedom/yadda yadda yadda.

Sorry. Rant over. Pg hormones.

PS: I know she isn't infertile and I'm not taking a pop at anyone else who can't have children for medical reasons.

[SaucyJack]

DoJo It is not an appalling thing to say, and if you really think it is then you're either willfully misrepresenting what I say or a teensy bit thick.

She is not childless due to infertility or baby loss or marriage breakdown or any other insurmountable problem.

She is childless because when push came to shove, she simply couldn't be bothered with the realities of having a baby.

This does not make her unlucky. And it does not make me lucky because I could.

[patienceisvirtuous]

You sound lovelier and lovelier with each post OP. Not.

[NotYoMomma]

I think this thread is fucking nuts lol.

OP I think you need a grip. she called you lucky not a raging cunt

[HildaOgden]

She never described herself as lucky.

She described you as lucky because you had the children you had always wanted.If you hadn't managed to have those children,would you have felt unlucky then??Probably.So therefore,you are lucky you had them.

You really do have a bee in your bonnet.What did you want her to say?'Oh SaucyJack,you are so brilliant for sacrificing disposable income/sleep/flatstomach/freedom/yadda yadda yadda (your words),why you have truly earned your position as world's worthiest mother,I am an insignicant lowlife in comparison to you?'

Get over yourself.I seriously doubt she's still re-thinking that conversation 24 hours later in the same way you are.Perhaps it's time for you to expand your own indentity in terms other than motherhood,because your reaction to a simple comment like that is extreme,to say the least.She pushed your button,ask yourself why that particular button bothered you so much.

Because your description of what she has,says a lot about how you view yourself.Do you feel you are broke/sleep deprived/flabby stomached/tied down/yadda yadda yadda?

[LilacPeony]

So she said you are lucky to have children and this has made you furious?

[crashdoll]

Wow, you have issues! You're also coming across really badly.

[wigglesrock]

I still don't understand what your actual problem is.

I have kids, I'm lucky - I made a decision and its worked out. I'm a lucky cat, my kids are healthy, kind, annoying, smart, alive. That's luck - there is nothing worse than parents expecting to be thanked for having good fertility and even better timing.

If you don't like her, you don't like her , but to what the big girls and boys do and just ignore her instead of getting worked up about imaginary slights.

[maillotjaune]

I've certainly been feeling very lucky to have had my children (after a year and a half TTC and a miscarriage in between), especially after finding out one of my younger colleagues has been diagnosed with cancer, the treatment of which will leave her infertile several years before she was planning to try to conceive.

You are lucky too. Nothing to do with effort really.

[CaptainCalamari]

Thanks OP - this thread has reminded me how lucky I am to have DS (which isn't always easy to remember after yet another 6am start!)

[MamaChubbyLegs]

I sincerely doubt that her comments were engineered to make you angry. It's just something nice that people say.

I think you're worked up because someone you don't like spoke to you. I know someone very similar to how you describe this "frenemy". I can't imagine getting worked up at her calling me lucky (I know she'd say it in a sneering, insincere way, but I'd just ignore her.) I AM lucky.

My son makes me feel like the luckiest person in the world every day, and if you don't feel lucky to have your "gorgeous, funny, bright" children, then thats just sad, imo.

Imagine your children hearing you say that.

[rottentomatoes]

What squeaky said

[SunshineBossaNova]

She is childless because when push came to shove, she simply couldn't be bothered with the realities of having a baby.

So fucking what? She made a comment in passing. You are way, way overthinking it.

[apostropheuse]

Wow you are an angry person OP.

She didn't say anything wrong and you are grossly over-reacting.

I think you need to calm down a little.

I believe all who are able to conceive and have children are lucky and I have had four children. I would hazard a guess that there are many people who desperately want children and work very hard to achieve that - they no doubt think people with children are lucky.

Good grief, get things into perspective here.

[Lj8893]

You sound really really delightful OP.

Each post you update us with just makes you sound even worse!!!

[Wbdn28]

YABU. You have no idea what's happening in someone else's life, no matter what assumptions you make. You only know her "public" face and even when someone appears very open they may just be good at keeping certain things to themselves. So don't judge, and go and think about something else more constructive.

[Chivetalking]

OP, have you ever heard the old adage about stopping digging when you're in a hole?!

[KirjavaTheCat]

How very dare she.

[scottishmummy]

Why do you socialise with someone you clearly hold in such low regard?
You're in an incandescent rage about an inane comment over lunch
Clearly you don't like her.so mooooove on

[TotallyBursar]

Do you, with your wonderful children that you are lucky to have, not have anything else to brood over than this?
Maybe of the 2 of you she's happier with her choices because she certainly isn't going to be thinking about you or a passing comment now.
You can call her out on her reproductive laziness or you can actually do the hard work and look at yourself - why does this bother you so much, what does she have that you want? Why do you put yourself in a situation where she'll be able to pass a superficial comment to you if it winds you up so much? You are definitely coming across as the weird one tbh.
If you hate her - don't see her.

[Alisvolatpropiis]

Yabvu.

She was saying you were lucky. It doesn't follow she was implying she was unlucky. If she is childless out of choice then it's unlikely she thinks she's unlucky isn't it?

Get a fucking grip. You're presenting yourself as a really unpleasant person.

[DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper]

Gosh, a lot of people spectacularly missing the point of the OP.

But then this is AIBI, I suppose...

This thread is turning pretty awful - I'd step away OP. I don't think people want to respond to your actual point, and I suspect you're just going to be crushed in an avalanche of vitriol.

[cosydressinggown]

You are lucky, OP. She said something true.

If somebody looked at me and my life and my lovely children I would be delighted if they could say something as perceptive as calling me lucky.

[Rufus20]

Op, even if you weren't "lucky" in wanting children, you are lucky to be able to have had them, and for them to (so far) turned out to be happy and healthy. So unless there's something you're not telling, you are being massively unreasonable