AIBU to write on DDs school report that I am offended by some of the comments?

[2ofstedsin24weeksistakingthep]

DD has had 10 days off school this year due to gastric flu and severe tonsillitis requiring hospital treatment. On both occasions I was told by doctors to keep DD off school and explained this via phone and letter to school.

DD has mild SEN and is a year behind her peers but has made twice the progress this year than in previous years. I am delighted and her teacher told me she had exceeded her targets. However, on her report it states she has low attendance and the gaps in her learning are because of this. I am quite offended by this as
A) she has SEN
B) she was really ill
C) I work full time in education and cant take time off so don't take the decosion to keep her off lightly as its a PITA to get chilcare.

Should I comment about this on the parents comments section before returning the report?
I feel like they are accusing me of holding DD back and causing her learning difficulties.

Please be honest but gentle as I am feeling very upset by this. TIA

is it important? dont be upset, it's a piece of paper. feel pleased about her progress. put the paper in the bin.

YANBU, the comments box is there for your feedback.

Start by saying how pleased you are with the progress dd has made, then mention that this is especially good since she's had time in hospital and has sen and you feel the comments regarding gaps in her learning were a bit harsh in the circumstances.

How old is dd? Old enough to be given work to do if she feels a bit better while quarantined? If this happened them point it out, if not suggest it as a possibility if dd is ill for significant time next year. Although how much an ill child can really learn I don't know!!!

Isn't that just stating fact though? I'm not sure it's meant as a criticism?

This is gently meant.

Firstly, ask yourself is it true? As in: are the gaps in your dd's learning due to that 10 days (seems unlikely unless they are small gaps).

If it's true then don't feel badly. They've stated a fact and you kept your child off because you had to. Ask the school if there's anything you can do over the summer to close them.

If it's untrue and the gaps are due to your dd SEN or other factors then challenge it. Don't say you are 'offended' just state it's not true and why. Then speak to next years teacher to ensure whatever has caused this years gaps in learning doesn't happen next year.

Then sit back and be proud of your dd

It's a statement of fact.

The fact you are taking it on yourself is totally unnecessary, your child was sick so it has gaps in its learning.

i would without being too emotional make a comment to the effect of "yes it was a shame about her having gastric flu and tonisilitis, but pleased she has progressed so well despite this".

That way you're making the point without worrying you've been over the top if you read it again in 5 years' time.

I would write a formal letter, setting out all the parts of the report that I felt were unfair and unreasonable. That the absences were necessary, and approved by the doctor, that she has specific SEN of which the school is aware and that she's made good progress in spite of that, through the effective partnership of parent child and school.
Then I'd ask them politely to justify the hurtful and inaccurate criticisms and ask them if they were adopting a cookie cutter, one-size fits all approach to their students, that you hoped the thoughtless carelessness of the comments was not going to be their approach in future years.
I'd spend a bit of time shaping my words carefully, but basically I'd be asking WTF are you talking about and how dare you.
I'd also expect a quick response.

Oh, and I'm a teacher who has a child (now 18) with SN.

It is a fact that she has had time off through illness and this has affected her progress. My own dd had three weeks off due to serious illness and I received one of those letters about attendance. Yes it irritated me but it only stated a fact that she had missed school. I knew and school knew why so I threw it in the bin and stopped thinking about it.

Thanks for your feedback. DD did extra homework whilst off to ensure she wasn't falling behind. Her homework is completed every week with extras that I do with her, plus IEP work. She spends about 5 hours a week on school set homework plus 20 mins a day reading and comprehension tasks. Personally I feel this is too much for a 7 year old and her teacher frequently admits she is one of the very few who actually do everything set.

I just feel really cross about the comment although do not want it to overshadow DDs progress and the input that her teacher has put in.

There is an obsession with attendance at present and I feel the trend right now is to look at the attendance and comment on it - often without ensuring clarity on the reason for absence. Im all for a clamp down on duvet day families who easily give in but some children can have a bad year health wise and there is no choice about taking the time off. You should record your comments and send it back, at least you have had your right of reply and that will counterbalance the comments you feel are unjust. Hopefully you wont feel so hurt by it when you have put committed your views to paper. Sounds like shes done well in spite of being ill so celebrate that and dont let a line or two in the report over shadow what is overall a positive statement about her year.

I think people who aren't the parent of a child with SN may be unaware of just how much shit you have to wade through on a daily basis with the child, your family, other parents in school, teachers and professionals.
It doesn't take much to make you feel that all the problems are your fault and if only you did everything right all the time, the magic twinkle fairy will take all the SN away overnight.
You are not causing her LDs. You are not holding her back. You are supporting her and managing her needs.
They sent you a standard comment for a non-standard child in a non-standard situation and they should have thought about it a bit more carefully.

I am sorry you have been through so much and are so upset.

However, it is possible that this is simply a factual statement rather than a dig at you or your daughter. Admittedly tactless, but surely it is possible that your daughter has missed school (for good reason) and therefore has also missed learning some stuff?

I think this is a bit off actually and I would challenge it. I am a teacher and a parent.

If your DD has exceeded her targets then great. Gaps in learning due to SEN are not attributable to 10 days off for validated illness.

As others have said I would enquire as to what they mean in exact terms by "gaps in her learning" as it is rather a sweeping statement. And would imply more than 2 weeks of school to cause.

I would approach from a could you explain rather than I am offended position

I'm not cross that they have said she has had time off as it's true but it has absolutely nothing to do with her learning gaps. She is in fact closing the gap between herself and her peers. I am a teacher of pupils with SEN and know these comments are rubbish. Also she only missed the 'average attendance' rate by 0.3%. Just seems very harsh and my head would never allow this to happen.

I do think you should comments it is just an observation It probably wasn't mean iyswim, write something along the lines of your pleased with DDs progress even if she was ill for a while

I obviously haven't seen the whole report but the single comment you quote doesn't sound offensive at all - surely just stating the fact that she has had low attendance this year and that explains why there are gaps in her knowledge.

For example, if she missed the science lesson where they all wrote their report about the friction test they did last week, well then the teacher can't tick the box to say that she can do it. So she has some knowledge gaps. Because of low attendance.

I suspect she wanted to give the reason so that you didn't worry that the gaps were due to her not trying hard, not completing homework or poor teaching.

Then definitely you should challenge the statement - as being factually incorrect. Sounds like lazy report writing.

I would have thought that in this context, gaps in leaning refers not to gap between her and the others but gaps in what she would have learnt had she been there all the time. So if she missed a week when they were looking at, I dunno, fish, then this would be a gap in her learning.

I wouldn't let that stand uncontested on her records.

I teach languages, which is very much an accumulative subject. One of my students (high school) was off for a few periods of genuine illness this year. On the days she was off, she missed some key grammar points and items of vocabulary. Although these points were revisited on the revision booklet, it's not quite the same as being taught it and practising it in class.
Because of these learning gaps, her assessment scores were low in parts. I mentioned this on her end of year report, as a statement of fact. I can appreciate how it may elicit an emotional response but that doesn't stop it from being true.

I had an equally thoughtless comment about DS 'effort'. He too has SEN and is making a huge effort just in attending every day, as school is extremely difficult for him. I did - after some thought and support from the SN boards - record that I believed his effort was extremely high and I was disappointed school hadn't recognised this. The HT completely disregarded this in a later conversation, but the point to me was that I had stated I disagreed with the comments and that would then be on record.

So I would say, yes, challenge back, very politely and possibly slightly PA too because then you will feel you've put your side across. And then forget about it, enjoy the summer and celebrate DD's achievements.

WRT homework, our school's expectation is for 20 mins a night. DS doesn't do any more than that, so often doesn't finish what is set. He does as much as he is capable of doing imo.