to be upset when people use the phrase "got something wrong with them"?

[14thJuly]

(Obvious name change as I know how SN threads go.)
Even though I have very little experience of SN, I am always aghast at the use of the word "wrong". Surely anyone can see the inappropriateness of the terminology? I have gently suggested using another phrase to someone IRL, and was accused of PC behaviour. So I don't bother saying it anymore. A tiny bit of consideration and compassion isn't difficult is it? AIBU?

I think people are too easily offended, honestly.

backs out of thread

Too many people speak before engaging their brain or are just ignorant.

What Living said ^^^

I'm with you Livinginwonderland think people think too much into things

I don't like the phrase, but most people won't use it deliberately to offend. I would only use it to refer to someone who committed a heinous crime, like Ian Huntley, he has "something wrong with him"

I agree, but my mother has an almost as maddening habit. When she is talking about someone with learning difficulties, she sort of leans in and lowers her voice and says 'You know Mrs X's son? Well, there's some little thing...' and never finishes the sentence. I suppose she's of the generation, though, who literally cannot say the word 'cancer'.

What replacement phrase did you suggest?

I do have experience of additional needs (the term now favoured over special needs) (see my profile) and I also remark on occasion that someone has something wrong with them, or it seems as if they do. If they do or it does.

This is normally because they are behaving in a way that is so outside of typical behaviour that there must surely be something that is causing them to act this way.

If you believe that 'something wrong with them' = 'sn/likening them to someone with sn/sn as an insult' in the mind of the person saying it, then that is more to do with your interpretation of what 'something wrong with them' means. When I say it, I mean anything from them being an arse to them having a migraine to them suffering from emotional problems to them having a developmental disorder... it varies so much.

What it isn't, is an insult. Ever.

'Something' can be anything. Doesn't have to be anything to do with disability.

Really? Easily offended? I'm surprised that anyone would think that. There you go.

I have gently suggested using another phrase to someone IRL

Which phrase did you suggest to them?

It's a tricky one as I don't think it's used with intent to cause offence. It's a way of saying you're aware there might be additional needs but it's a clumsy way of saying it.

I agree it would be much easier if no one ever said anything much at all, about anything. And particularly if people never spoke coloquially.

Thank you for taking the time out to explain so fully, ImTooHecsyForYourParty. I can see your point, it's just the word ahs such negative connotations, I dislike the fact it could be used wrt a person.

I suggested Special needs.

But I can now see that additional needs is preferable.

I think that part of the problem is the "acceptable" terms for describing something like this change with every generation - or even more often.

E.g. just up-thread Hecsy says the term additional needs is now favoured over special needs. I didn't know that.

I would probably talk about someone having "learning difficulties" where my mother might describe them as being "a bit backward". She doesn't mean any harm but is not necessarily au fait with what is the currently favoured term. I think therefore it is not unreasonable to suggest someone objecting to this is easily offended if they can't allow for the fact that these phrases come and go.

yup.

I suppose it depends on context. If you've got someone sneering and saying oh my god, there's something seriously wrong with them... because they are witnessing, I dunno, I'll take my kids as an example - a child spinning round on the spot and beeping, then they're wrong because there's clearly nothing wrong with them. I've said it to people when they ask me what's wrong with them. I say nothing's wrong with them, they just have autism.

But when I say it I'm doing it to make a point because I know that they don't mean wrong as in wrong. It's just there's not really a word in common useage that's the right one. They really mean to ask what is their diagnosis, if we're being honest about it.

It is because wrong is the opposite of right, as in the only way to be and once upon a time, the acceptable way to be. Anyone who didn't conform were shut away in institutions, denied a life.

People who were wrong, or did wrong, deserved to be taken out of society.

"Which phrase did you suggest to them?"

I would say "do they have a condition, diagnosed or suspected?"

"Wrong" suggests that "bad, incorrect etc", as in wrong doing. It is linked to "Value", in Ethics, Law and Philosophy.

There is no need to use that word when describing medical etc conditions.

It is easy to use language more effectively and with more thought.

I can walk round identifying lots of "wrong" in people, my DD's SN, or anyone's else's SN wouldn't be on that list and suggests that they are not "right" because they do not follow the majority.

Oh, but the last time I said about someone "my god, there's something seriously wrong with him..."

It was in relation to a man who had thrown his wife onto the bed and tried to strangle her.

nothing to do with disability at all.

I mean that I wasn't trying to relate his actions to disability, iyswim.

The conversation that I had went something like "soandsos grandson who won't stop bouncing around, well, they think there's something wrong with him". I just think it's incredibly insensitive and inappropriate.

In that case it was reasonable to give them an alternative phrase to use.

I hope you told them they didn't need to whisper it.

I find that people from older generations tend to be the whisperers more than younger generations. I think it's because of what Birds said above. They remember those times.

I remember being quite taken aback when dh and I were in a lift with a woman who looked ds up and down and said, 'whats wrong with him?'

We both just looked at her open mouthed, it seemed like such an odd thing to say!

Imagine the fun you can have though.

oh, he's out of sorts today cos he didn't lay an egg this morning.
he's very concerned about global warming
he lost the by-election last week
he's just discovered that his milkshake does not, in point of fact, bring all the boys to the yard.

When people ask me what my kids special skills are (everyone with autism has one, don't you know), I tell them they can fly.

My son has learning difficulties and autism. I don't like being asked "what is wrong with him" but do appreciate that most people are well intentioned and curious. How I react will depend on the tone of the comment / question!

To someone who is interested I will explain he has autism and learning difficulties, speech problems etc

To the judgey tutting lady behind me in Tesco last week I replied sharply "There's nothing WRONG with him but he does have autism"

Context is everything............................

I hate it too. There is nothing fucking WRONG with my DS. He is disabled not physically, mentally wrong.

It is insensitive.