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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

We have been uninvited from a family holiday.

37 replies

ShadeofViolet · 11/07/2013 11:50

I posted a thread last week about not going to BIL's wedding because of DS's SN.

Well WW3 has kicked off between MIL, BIL and DH. We have had emails calling us selfish, arrogant and calling me a killjoy.

So we were supposed to be going away for bank holiday weekend as a family group but staying in different accommodation. Apparently we are not welcome to come (MIL told DH last night). She said that if I wanted to wrap DS up in cotton wool then we shouldn't ever bother to leave the house anyway.

I still want to go - we have paid £549 which we wont see back. I know our lodge wont be anywhere near her caravan as I have looked on the parks website. We paid more for a bigger lodge and by the looks of the park map they are far apart.

DH doesnt want to go. I dont like being told what to do but can see that if we do go it may end up in an argument which I dont want the children to see.

The other option is to rearrange our weekend for a £100 fee.

WWYD?

OP posts:
VodkaJelly · 11/07/2013 11:51

How can your MIL stop you going when you have paid for it?

I would still go but stay well away from the in laws.

UniS · 11/07/2013 11:53

For a nice weekend away, I'd rearrange to a different date. If your there and they are there it will all end in tears won't it.

BookieMonster · 11/07/2013 11:53

Bollocks to her. I'd change the weekend and have a break you'll actually enjoy.

MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavour · 11/07/2013 11:54

I'd rearrange the weekend (if I could afford the £100)

I wouldn't want to be anywhere near them

If you couldn't afford it though and you want to go then just ignore then and enjoy yourselves

SquirtedPerfumeUpNoseInBoots · 11/07/2013 11:54

I'd pay the £100 to change dates, a compromise.
You still get the weekend away, with zero chance of a big family row.

Carolra · 11/07/2013 11:56

I'd rearrange for the £100. I don't think I'd enjoy it knowing they were near by even if we didn't see them.

I think I remember your thread last week and I think you did the right thing coming up with a compromise that would suit you and still allow your DH to attend.

If they're getting this upset about you not going to their wedding, you're best off out of it. I hope you and your family manage to have a good Bank Hol weekend without them!

YouTheCat · 11/07/2013 11:57

Go when you want. It is the mil causing all this ruckus. You can just ignore the silly old bat.

digerd · 11/07/2013 11:58

Has DH explained exactly why he doesn't want to go? What did he say to his mother after she said those nasty things?

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 11/07/2013 12:00

I agree with the others - I'd rearrange for the £100 fee if I could afford to. Otherwise I'd go anyway and hope not to bump into horrible family members.

Juniperdewdropofbrandy · 11/07/2013 12:00

Anyone have a link to the other thread?

I'd do whatever suits you and your real family. Spend the extra or go and try to avoid them. I think it's shocking.

Original poster
ShadeofViolet · 11/07/2013 12:04

Here is the original thread

What we had agreed was that DS would go to the wedding, take DS1 and DD and that I would stay at home with DS. DH has a room in the hotel so is driving up on the Saturday and coming back Sunday.

OP posts:
Original poster
ShadeofViolet · 11/07/2013 12:06

DH doesnt want to go because he doesnt want an argument in public with the children there.

The only problem about rearranging is that DH cant get any time off until the beginning of October, when the children will be in school, so it would have to be friday night-sunday evening and then come home ready for school on Monday.

OP posts:
allmycats · 11/07/2013 12:10

DH doesn't want to go because he doesn't want an arguement in public with the children there. Then DO NOT argue with them if you come across them, either be perfectly polite or ignore them, do not enable them to cause a situation, because if you don't answer back to them then there can't be an arguement.

Juniperdewdropofbrandy · 11/07/2013 12:11

Thanks I'd found it. They're appalling. And the 1:15 ratio of childcare won't be legal.

Are they usually so dumb?

Juniperdewdropofbrandy · 11/07/2013 12:12

How old are your dcs? If they're only in primary then I'd take them out of school.

AllOutOfIdeas · 11/07/2013 12:14

I would still go. Use the lodge as a base and have day trips off site.

Or if mil starts just tell park staff you have no idea who this woman is and can she be removed from where you are.

IloveJudgeJudy · 11/07/2013 12:14

If it's going to cause you problems, then go to the original holiday destination at the original time. Your lodge is not near their caravan. I couldn't afford to lose £549 at all. Just hope that you don't come across them and that, if you do, they'll at least be grown-up enough not to cause a disturbance in front of the DC.

polkadotsrock · 11/07/2013 12:15

Go, if you see them turn the other cheek, be the bigger person. Unless it will plague you with stress and worry in which case pay the extra for a lovely weekend later in the year.

CheeseFondueRocks · 11/07/2013 12:17

I'd go anyway. the weather is most likely horrible in October and it would be quite stressful for such a short time.

There can only be a fight if you let yourself get involved in one. Who are they to tell you you are not welcome. Maybe it's them who aren't welcome...

Dackyduddles · 11/07/2013 12:19

1:15! Are they or the patents mad?!?!

pianodoodle · 11/07/2013 12:20

I'd still go because she doesn't have nay right to say you're not welcome if you've paid for the site.

I'd then avoid them completely - forever!

throckenholt · 11/07/2013 12:21

I wonder if they have mentioned to the baby sitter that they will be responsible for 15 kids ?!

I agree with the others - reschedule if you can - there is bound to be an undercurrent of tension if you go when they are all there as well, even if in a different area.

HarderToKidnap · 11/07/2013 12:22

Would the children run up to them for hugs etc if they came across them in the park? If you think the DC might be rebuffed then I would rearrange it I think. They could be really upset and confused.

Crumbledwalnuts · 11/07/2013 12:24

Oh you should go. Forget about the family. Just go, your husband will calm down about it, he's just cutting off his nose to spite his face right now. If you go anyway you and he will regain control, and show that you can't be controlled. I don't understand what kind of mother and grandmother could do this to her child and grandchild. I feel very sorry for your husband.

doingthesplitz · 11/07/2013 12:26

Just go and do your own thing without the in laws.

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