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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset that someone on fb has just put ' like' on my post that my mum is about to die..?

82 replies

Scarletohello · 10/07/2013 22:09

My mum has been in a care home for 4 years,after suffering a severe stroke thatleft her pararlysed, unable to speak or swallow food. It's been an incredibly stressful and distressing time, compounded by the fact that my dad has dementia and is going blind. I got a call from the care home yesterday to say the it looked like she was nearing the end of her life. I have been in to see her the last 2 days and she is v pale, frail and all her organs are shutting down I posted on fb tonight about the fact that she was nearing the end of her life and have had some incredilbly kind and supportive replies. But one so called friend just ticked 'like' and didn't write anything WTAF?? Why would some one 'like' that your mum is dying??? Stupid new age freak! I'm so pissed off, I don't need this now ( just needed to vent, sorry..)

OP posts:
Original poster
Scarletohello · 10/07/2013 22:38

I get what you are all saying and thanks for all your replies. It just seemed so incongruous, and yes there isn;t a button to press to say, just thinking of you...

OP posts:
Wuldric · 10/07/2013 22:39

Firstly, I am hugely sorry about your Mum, and my thoughts are with you.

Secondly. I know this was thoughtless of your friend. But FB is a very limited medium. If you want to show support or affirmation, you click like. Tonight one of my family members had an eye problem. I very nearly clicked like, until I recalled that this would be a very inappropriate thing to do. It was probably just trying to show sympathy.

Have courage.

foreverondiet · 10/07/2013 23:04

My iPhone is often liking things by mistake. Don't read anything into it.

AllegraLilac · 10/07/2013 23:06

The like was definitely in support of you. 'Like' - an acknowledgement of your troubles and showing that they are thinking of you, without having any words to say.

I promise you.

sweetiepie1979 · 10/07/2013 23:16

So sorry to hear about your mum. I hope things will be ok and you are been looked after too. Regarding Facebook, I'm afraid I think it's a piece of nonsense anyway. It's a social network site I wouldn't have thought it the place to talk about something like this in the first place. Perhaps if you need and of course you do want support then you phone and let people know what is happening. Via Facebook doesn't seem to me to be the place for that sort of thing so therefore people are obliged to answer you somehow and they just press a button Not thinking about how that might make you feel. Presumably ehen she hit like what she meant was Ive read this. Again I hope your ok. X

MammaTJ · 10/07/2013 23:18

Like others have said, it is easy to accidentally 'like' something on FB. I am always accidentally 'reporting' posts on here as I scroll down. Fortunately there are more steps to take than just that one click or MNHQ would hate me.

Sorry about all you are having to deal with right now but I am sure that a friend who is glad your DM is so ill isn't an issue. It was either an accident or a show of support!

Bogeyface · 11/07/2013 00:25

I have reported your post SWeetiepie. It is cruel and completely inappropriate to criticise the OP's choice of how she shares this desperately sad news. And you dont seem to see the irony of your post either. Who gives a flying eff what you think is appropriate? It is the OPs way of dealing with this and you have no right to tell her what is right or wrong about that. Angry

ChasedByBees · 11/07/2013 02:22

Another one who accidently 'likes' things on Facebook thanks to an iPhone. There's no easy way to see what you've liked unless you spot it straight away either.

FirstStopCafe · 11/07/2013 02:30

I'm so sorry. I agree that this person was probably trying to offer support. When I write statuses about my dd who died I am sometimes surprised that people like them, but I'm sure they are trying to let me know they're there for me and listening

Ericaequites · 11/07/2013 02:37

I am very sorry about your mother. Facebook makes communication very difficult.

chubbychipmonk · 11/07/2013 06:25

So sorry to hear about your poor mum. Thanks

I think like others have said it was 'liked' as an acknowledgement of support & maybe she didn't know what to say in addition to that.

Please try & focus your energy now on being kind to yourself & don't give FB any more thought.

sweetiepie1979 · 11/07/2013 06:58

Oh bogeyface you know I didn't mean to hurt your feelings and certainly not OPs at this difficult time. Let's keep the thread peaceful it's no ones intention to upset anyone further.

RoxyFox211 · 11/07/2013 07:43

Sometimes like' is used as an acknowledgement rather than a literal like. Sometimes to convey support etc. example; a df passed away recently and their mum had posted a general post about the loss etc and I think it received like 50 likes and a only a few comments or something like that. I genuinely do not think the people were happy or 'liked' the news, just acknowledging its presence and giving general support.

brilliantwhite · 11/07/2013 07:51

sorry about your mum Scarletohello Flowers , ive liked things by accident , you go to write something but get distracted and quickly like it instead.

Vivacia · 11/07/2013 07:51

I think Sweetiepie's post was considered and kind. I agree with her "criticism" but this probably reflects my complete lack of "getting" Facebook.

ThreeMusketeers · 11/07/2013 08:45

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

ThreeMusketeers · 11/07/2013 08:45

However, very sorry about your Mother.
Blush

LondonNinja · 11/07/2013 08:50

Even to show support, liking such a thread is deeply insensitive.

I think it must have been a mistake.

So sorry about your mum.

mynameisslimshady · 11/07/2013 09:04

Three the op is clearly going through an emotional and traumatic time, she may not wish to send endless texts and repeat the same distressing information over the phone time after time, she may be reaching out for support, or looking to vent, or a multitude of other reasons which are none of our concern.

Your post is cruel and there is no need for it at all. You should be ashamed of yourself.

ageofgrandillusion · 11/07/2013 09:08

Tough to say but these are the risks you run when posting something so very personal on a public forum.

PicaK · 11/07/2013 10:06

So sorry about your mum.

But the like button is often used as an acknowledgement of reading something and showing support.

There will be people out there who judge you for just posting about this on fb. (My DB and SiL were horrified I talked about my mc on fb.) This person could be showing they support and approve of your decision to use fb in this way.

If you think they are an arrogant tosser who did it to wind you up tho then ditch them now.

PicaK · 11/07/2013 10:07

Oh cross posts - you see what I mean about people judging though.

farewellfigure · 11/07/2013 11:11

How horrible that this incredibly sensitive situation is turning into a bunfight. If the OP chooses to post on facebook that's entirely up to her.

OP I am so sorry about your news and I hope you are getting a lot of support from your facebook friends.

Someone posted something sad on facebook the other day and a friend said 'I wish there was a 'dislike' button'. As in I've read your post and I dislike the terrible situation you are in. It does seem inappropriate to hit 'like' when the subject is so sad but I don't think your friend meant it in a bad way.

Original poster
Scarletohello · 11/07/2013 12:08

Thanks all, I posted it because I felt desperate and alone. I did actually receive many kind and supportive replies which helped me a lot. I didn't want to talk about it but wanted to reach out and let people know what I was going through. I'm not very good at asking for support and tend to keep things in so it was easier just to write it. I get what everyone's saying about what the like button means, so thanks for that and all your kind words. And I do understand why people why might think its inappropriate to write such news on fb but those were my reasons and it helped me.

OP posts:
TripleRock · 11/07/2013 12:15

Sorry for what you're going through and I'm glad you got some supportive replies from your friends.

Fwiw I have clicked 'like' on fb by mistake loads of times when I'm on a touch screen and just trying to scroll down