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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this parent was a bit.... hmmm.

46 replies

LaurenGB · 10/07/2013 20:58

First AIBU... I don't think I am for being a bit miffed at how this parent handled the situation, especially as it was in front of other kids.

It was DS's first sports day today and he really enjoyed it, behaved, listened and took part in everything. That is, until each year chose 2 boys and 2 girls from each class who were 'the best' and let them take part in a special relay race where they all got special medals. DS was a bit upset that he couldn't take part in the special races, but was crying a bit when he saw the medals. I comforted and reminded him he has swimming lessons etc and he perked up.

Meanwhile a little boy in his class noticed him getting upset, and started to really kick off because he didn't have a medal either. So his mother stole -STOLE- a medal from one of the tables and gave it to him saying in a very loud voice 'Mummy won this for you because you have been so amazing today and I think you are the best.' In front of the parents and children, including my son who was just Shock

My DS just looked at me and said in what was supposed to be a hushed tone but sounded quite loud 'Mummy! X's Mummy STOLE that medal! That is SO naughty!'

Is it wrong to have hoped that she heard??

OP posts:
LEMisdisappointed · 10/07/2013 21:01

more power to her elbow - if one kid gets a medal, they should all get one!

HildaOgden · 10/07/2013 21:02

If she did hear,she wouldn't have cared anyway.She believes that both she and her son are 'special'.

I'm actually glad to hear that there was a race for the children who were particularly good at sports,I'm not sure that the 'everyone wins a medal regardless' is the best way....regardless of polictical correctness.But that's for another thread Smile

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 10/07/2013 21:06

REALLY not keen on this idea of selecting "best" kids. Winning races is one thing, but what kind of message does that send out?

Mind you, stealing a medal is a bit bolshie. At the same time... would I have done the same? Probably. I'd have stolen one for your DS as well though Grin

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 10/07/2013 21:08

To be clear, I don't think everyone should have a medal. I'm just a bit opposed to the fact that the kids who didn't do well then get their noses rubbed in it.

somewheresomehow · 10/07/2013 21:11

do they really get their noses rubbed in it
sorry but there are winners and losers in everything especially sports

HildaOgden · 10/07/2013 21:12

My reading of the op was that everyone got a medal,and that the 2 fastest runners from each group entered a further race,and won a medal for that...did I pick that up wrong?

Either way,robbing a medal for your precious little darling is really quite pathetic,in my opinion.

pianodoodle · 10/07/2013 21:13

Hahaha that's hilarious did no one challenge her at all?!

I can't believe she just got away with it! Mad.

I understand the ummmm in the title now - hard to know what to say to someone like that!

Prozacbear · 10/07/2013 21:14

Were these 4 chosen children 'the best' at running, or just generally the most popular?

If they were the fastest, then I see no problem with it, that's life right? And it isn't getting their noses rubbed in it - it's learning to deal with the fact that people have different skills, and learning to accept and be pleased by the success of others when you aren't necessarily there with them.

But I say this as a former child sportster, so perhaps it is a unique kind of situation.

LadyBryan · 10/07/2013 21:14

She was vastly unreasonable for (a) stealing a medal - what a great message to set the children and (b) pandering to the tantrumming child.

And no, I don't think every child should get a medal. The whole point of sport is there are winners and losers. That's how it works.

Prozacbear · 10/07/2013 21:15

But yes, she was being VASTLY unreasonable. Those medals cost money, that is theft!

Justforlaughs · 10/07/2013 21:16

She could have just taken him home and made him a "special" medal, because he was her "special" boy. Bang out of order to steal a medal off the table for him, totally wrong message given. If she had a problem she should have spoken to the teacher organising the event.

Original poster
LaurenGB · 10/07/2013 21:16

Hmmm. I think it is important for kids to see that they aren't going to get everything handed to them, and this was a good lesson for him. A harsh one, thanks to the mum who felt the need to publicly push every other kids nose in it!

In fact we had a chat before swimming about winning and how much effort and work you need to put in to get to be the best. He only went and passed stage 3 swimming this afternoon - his teacher said she had written him out a repeat stage 3 (that would have been 3 lots of stage 3!) but changed her mind as she was so impressed with him today. So we got there in the end!

Lol, Jesus that's very kind of you!

OP posts:
JesusInTheCabbageVan · 10/07/2013 21:19

somewhere I don't have a problem with sports days generally (though I'm sure Michael Gove will get round to them eventually and find some novel way of fucking them up). I don't have a problem with rewarding/praising kids who win the events either. It just strikes me that the school is making too much of a big thing of it - excluding all the other kids from a particular event and then giving a medal to all those kids singled out by them. Maybe just me though.

Original poster
LaurenGB · 10/07/2013 21:20

Just to clarify, none of the children got medals other than the ones that were put forward as fastest runners. Which I agree with and was explaining to DS, but then Stealy Mc Grabber Mummy decided to nick one for her son. Who in all honesty whinged at every point he wasn't in the lead/winning/being cheered on loudly enough.

OP posts:
pianodoodle · 10/07/2013 21:23

Did it mean that one of the children who would have got a medal didn't?

Did she just go straight home with it?

Original poster
LaurenGB · 10/07/2013 21:27

I would assume that it was a left over medal - although it was one of the nicer ones compared to the ones the kids had.
She actually ran in the mums and dads race and made her hubby run as well. They come across as super competitive.

OP posts:
JesusInTheCabbageVan · 10/07/2013 21:27

Lauren Ahhh. I know one of those. That changes things a bit.

See, I'm glad I get to play out all these scenarios on MN long before they happen in RL. Feel like I'm prepared now.

HildaOgden · 10/07/2013 21:30

Ah,you see,I think my way is better Grin

Everyone who gets off their arse to compete in good faith should get a cheapo medal.Then the more seriously competitive sporty kids should get a chance to show their skills and win a better medal.

Sports should be fun for all,and rewarding for those kids who excel at it.

I still think the mother was ridiculous for robbing one,not only has she pandered to his tantrum but she has now marked herself out as the thieving mum for years to come.I'd say the teachers dread any dealings with her.

Original poster
LaurenGB · 10/07/2013 21:33

Ha! You would be surprised. There was another parent there who seemed really nice and normal until another child starting saying her eyes were sore with hayfever. Well that was it...
'Maaaxamillion, come here! Are your eyes ok??'
(they were fine and he said so)
'Come here and take you medicine, I can see they are all puffy! DH, get his eye drops - I can see this getting out of control...'

*Disclaimer, name made up.

OP posts:
pianodoodle · 10/07/2013 21:38

At least no one lost out then - but it's still bonkers and just plain stealing.

I'm amazed she got away with it. Don't know what I'd have done though probably just sat open jawed in disbelief TBH!

youarewinning · 10/07/2013 21:45

Ah, see this is why I initially feel guilty about missing sports day annually. Then thank fuck I work fulltime send my dad instead. Grin

YANBU. That mum has only taught her DS a poor lesson. Well done to your DS for passing his stage 3.

Original poster
LaurenGB · 10/07/2013 21:49

Pianodoodle, that was me. My jaw was on my chest as were a few mums and dads. No idea how it wasn't clocked!

In hindsight youarewinning, I have no idea if he was allergic or anaphylactic come to that so I may well have no right to hoik up the judgy pants. (Pulls wedgie from judgey pants out)

OP posts:
PrincessScrumpy · 10/07/2013 21:50

Dd1 is very bright and academic. Dh and I are too so no huge surprise. Dd has her first sports day next week and we have had a chat about how no one is good at everything, we are very proud etc and I don't care what position she finishes just that she has a smile on her face and has fun.
This mum you refer to sounds like a moron and if she carries on her son will end up bullied as a mummy's boy.
I agree with competition for kids. They like it and sometimes they may be in tears but that makes the successes mean more. I know people don't agree with that but that's my experience.

Turniptwirl · 10/07/2013 21:55

I think reminding your son of another thing he does well was far better than stealing a medal! We're not all good at everything (and secretly hate those beautiful, athletic, clever people who are also amazing at singing, acting etc ). You ds isn't the fastest runner but I'm sure he's among the best at something else! And if he's not then he just hasn't found his niche yet. Besides, you don't have to be good at something to enjoy it.

Original poster
LaurenGB · 10/07/2013 21:57

Absolutely PrincessScrumpy, I think it is good to learn early that not everyone wins, and taking part is loads of fun.

Hope you have a lovely Sports day next week xx

OP posts: