Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To think this parent was a bit.... hmmm.

46 replies

LaurenGB · 10/07/2013 20:58

First AIBU... I don't think I am for being a bit miffed at how this parent handled the situation, especially as it was in front of other kids.

It was DS's first sports day today and he really enjoyed it, behaved, listened and took part in everything. That is, until each year chose 2 boys and 2 girls from each class who were 'the best' and let them take part in a special relay race where they all got special medals. DS was a bit upset that he couldn't take part in the special races, but was crying a bit when he saw the medals. I comforted and reminded him he has swimming lessons etc and he perked up.

Meanwhile a little boy in his class noticed him getting upset, and started to really kick off because he didn't have a medal either. So his mother stole -STOLE- a medal from one of the tables and gave it to him saying in a very loud voice 'Mummy won this for you because you have been so amazing today and I think you are the best.' In front of the parents and children, including my son who was just

My DS just looked at me and said in what was supposed to be a hushed tone but sounded quite loud 'Mummy! X's Mummy STOLE that medal! That is SO naughty!'

Is it wrong to have hoped that she heard??

OP posts:

imademarion · 10/07/2013 22:33

YANBU. She behaved dreadfully and I hope someone has a word with her about stealing.

Of course some kids are better at running than others. They're not stupid. They are also capable of generous-spiritedness too. (Spontaneous cheering for the kid coming last as they all went round again so she didn't run alone last week - not a dry eye among the parents!)

It just devalues the whole process if "everyone" has to get medals.

Thymeout · 10/07/2013 23:54

Everyone knows who's on the top table for reading, or the bottom table for maths. Sometimes running is the only thing a child is good at. Let them have some glory, too, if only one day a year.

ladymariner · 11/07/2013 00:04

Can't believe someone thought stealing the medal was a good thing!!!!! What a dreadful message to send out to your kids.....can't believe nobody pulled her up on it!

In our school the events take part in a clock formation, involving things like skipping, throwing beanbags, obstacle race, sack rac etc, all the fun stuff. It's done in house teams and each team picks up points for winning but also points for being sporting/trying particularly well/encouraging each other etc. Before sports day all the kids have had run-outs during a games lesson and then the fastest kids in each year group run an actual relay race round the track. The winners dont get medals though, I don't think that would be fair. All the points from everything are added up and the winning house wins the Cup, it's draped in that houses colours for a year.
I think it works really well as all the kids get to take part, but the kids with a particular talent for running get to compete too.

ChocolateWineAndShoes · 11/07/2013 01:24

Urgh, I HATE parents like that!

Learning to be a gracious 'loser' is a vital life lesson in my (expert ) opinion. This whole attitude of 'mustn't ever let little Tarquin get upset' gets right up my nose.

And it actually does the poor child no favours in the long run as he isn't given the skills to learn how to deal with disappointment.

If it makes you feel better she will be known as The Shameless Medal Stealing Floozy in the playground for years to come...

MidniteScribbler · 11/07/2013 01:32

So what did mummy do when the teacher demanded she returned the stolen property?

itsonlyapapermoon · 11/07/2013 01:42

I bloody hate this political correctness shite.
If everyone gets a medal then it devalues the achievement. Kids won't bother trying to do their best if everyone gets rewarded. I think this attitude of 'never letting little precious get upset as it may damage their self esteem' is damaging as it isn't teaching children life skills. Are they going to chuck a strop when they're an adult and they're not promoted to manager? Can't promote everybody! Children need to learn that there ARE winners and losers in everything in life. If they are constantly pandered to, then we are going to have a generation of spoilt, mollycoddled young people who want all of the glory with none of the work, and who have no tenacity or resilience...oh wait, we already do.

YADNBU op :)

AudrinaAdare · 11/07/2013 01:43

My (autistic) DS' sports day is next week. I am dreading it because he thinks that when he doesn't win every time it is a grave injustice.

Over and over I have been plugging that competition would be boring if the same person / horse won every time and that we should all learn how to be good losers and good winners.

He knows to say, "good game, better luck next time" to the loser, and "well done" to the winner but he is emotionally three years old to his actual six and will probably mortify us on the day by bursting into tears.

However. I will bear in mind your OP and it will see me through. This person has even less of a clue than my DS despite being apparently a fully-functional adult shameless medal stealing floozy and while I won't judge I will take heart from it

TigerSwallowTail · 11/07/2013 02:08

I don't agree with the fastest children being chosen by the other classmates as it just turns into a popularity contest, the teachers should have timed the races instead then called out the children that were actually the fastest and they could have done the separate race, but stealing a medal ? As she was so vocal about it then it will get back to a teacher through one of the other parents or another child. I wonder what she'll say if she's pulled up about it, or if she'll be told to return the stolen medal.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 11/07/2013 02:11

at medal stealing floozy.
I have more than once made my DD a medal out of tin foil and sewing thread. She was so uncoordinated she had no chance of winning anything.

McGeeDiNozzo · 11/07/2013 05:41

How were the kids who got the medals selected? Was it fair or arbitrary? If the kids had come first in an earlier competition and were legitimately the fastest runners, then it was fair. If they were simply picked out of the class as the kids who were probably the best at PE, then fuck the whole bloody thing to hell. Legitimate achievement is one thing, but no-one wants to see a bunch of arbitrarily-selected members of the favoured elite given shiny things and paraded in front of everyone like sacred cows.

See, I really don't think this is a straightforward shoot-out between the "Let's teach the kids the value of competition!" crowd and the "Competition is damaging to self-esteem! Anyone for quinoa?" crowd... because there is no more merit, no more merit at all, in an arbitrary 'competition' where four people, selected on unclear criteria, get medals than there is in a sham non-competition where everyone gets one.

I suspect that this parent was fuming, and acted in the way she did not to spoil little Jeremykins, but to make a point about the ludicrousness of the whole charade.

Also, if the medal was taken home, then the use of the word "stealing" is accurate. If it was merely removed from the table, then that might be shocking and inappropriate, but it's not "stealing".

hesterton · 11/07/2013 06:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ISolemnlySwearThatIAmUptoNoGoo · 11/07/2013 07:38

Good on your school for giving out medals to the fastest runners. Ours didn't. DD won a couple of races and was quite disappointed that she did not get a medal but she was very pleased with herself for winning.

I was very sporty at school and won a lot of medals in all sorts of sports and got a medal and certificate for each win (not in the uk)
However I was not at all good at math and science.
Its good to learn at an early age that you all have talents in some areas and not everyone is the same.

cory · 11/07/2013 08:01

You don't have to be in favour of competitive sports to think that this mother did her son a massive disservice. Life is full of disappointments. It is a parent's job to teach you to handle them. She is deliberately walking away from her responsibilities.

Wuxiapian · 11/07/2013 08:08

She shouldn't have stole a medal. Children can't be good at everything. Someone will always come 1st and not everyone can win: that's life!

cory · 11/07/2013 08:11

But could we have less of the myth that anybody who is not academic will be sporty and vice versa?

As often as not, the clumsy, late-developing, awkward child will struggle equally with holding a pen and coordinating his movements in PE. And slowness in maths is often matched by slowness on the football pitch.

When I was at school, the sportiest children were often middling achievers in the academic subjects. But the lowest achievers were low achievers across the field. And not very good at music or arts either. Otoh some high achievers seemed to have it all: beautiful, clever, fast and artistic. Life isn't fair when it hands out talents. But that again is what a parent has to teach you to cope with.

Ds got through the whole of primary school without discovering any of these wonderful compensatory talents you are supposed to get. But I didn't go stealing medals for him. So I reckon he'll cope.

ArtemisatBrauron · 11/07/2013 08:13

The culture of rewarding everyone/not giving out medals because it is "unfair" on those who don't win one is insane.

Children are growing up to be adults and they need to learn that not everyone can win and not everyone will get a medal. When was the last time you saw everyone in an Olympic event get a medal??

Rewarding everyone "for taking part" de-values the win, and it is only setting the children up for a massive fall later in life; I teach in a secondary school and see it all the time with the Shell (kids in first year post-prep school), they are all devastated at the first sports day when they realise that it is actually judged on merit and only the first 3 kids in each event get a medal.

treas · 11/07/2013 08:40

So now that mother has taught her son that if you can earn something you just need to steal it.

I'd be interested to see the local 'Before the Court" page in the local paper in the next ten to 15 years.

Original poster

LaurenGB · 11/07/2013 12:25

Hey all, just thought I would pop my head in when dropping DS at breakfast club and all of the children were making foil medals and doing runs in the garden and sharing them - made me go all gooey!

No news on medal stealing floozy - although she did say her little 'my son is the best' speach and award him his medal quite loudly. I imagine it will be brought to the attention of the teachers/head. I am more inscensed that she said what she did in front of a load of kids who had not won a medal, making them feel even more crap! They all seemed to take it well though, most of them looked a bit

OP posts:

quoteunquote · 11/07/2013 12:30

So sad for that child, he will find life so hard.

notso · 11/07/2013 12:42

Did no-one say or do anything?
I would have done.
There was a show down at the Infant's sports day last year. Two parents refused to stop smoking weed despite repeated requests from the Teachers Then they started getting gobby but were soon seen off by a mob of angry parents!
If only the PTA could be so effective the school would be amazing!

holidaysarenice · 11/07/2013 13:57

I feel sorry for the kid who did so well and didn't get a medal because some bat shit crazy woman stole it!!

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread