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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I am visiting dsis, who now says she will be out for most of the time I'm there.

36 replies

Mouseymouseface · 09/07/2013 21:29

I'm a regular who has name changed for this. I have been very ill for nearly two years, bedbound, housebound, and now starting to have regular short outings.

For the first time in this 2 year period I have agreed to go to relative's wedding which is 2 hours away. I really want to go as I love my relative but am very unsure about my ability to cope health-wise. I also have to go alone as no kids invited and we don't have anyone to leave dc with so dh is kindly doing this.

My dsis said to stay with them (no dc) as conveniently their house is close and they'd help me with my many restrictions (yawn to disability). They persuaded me to go, saying they'd help out. I see her about 3-4 times a year (less since I have been ill)

I am going to arrive late Friday night, have the morning with them and the wedding is at 2 on Saturday.

Today I received a text saying that they would be out for a non-urgent medical appointment from 8.0am until 12.30.

AIBU to feel upset and disappointed. I was looking forward to a morning of chatting and catching up and maybe some help. My dmum says I am expecting too much. Its highly possible that I am, being so limited in terms of contact with others does make one rather self-centred. But I feel really grumpy about it.

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 09/07/2013 21:32

How do you no it is a non urgent medical appointment? YABU I think.

LindyHemming · 09/07/2013 21:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Onesleeptillwembley · 09/07/2013 21:37

Wow, you sound really self centred. The world doesn't revolve around you.

squeakytoy · 09/07/2013 21:38

But you will be going to the wedding with her wont you?

Original poster
Mouseymouseface · 09/07/2013 21:40

Right I'm getting the message. I do know that the world doesn't revolve around me. Its just not having seen her for nearly 6 months I had hoped to see her.

I guess I would have preferred to know in advance as I probably wouldn't have booked the train etc to go.

I know what the appointment is for and its a minor thing.

OP posts:
Iamsparklyknickers · 09/07/2013 21:42

Sorry, I think you need to get a bit of perspective.

Non-urgent doesn't mean not important. It's unfortunate that it's messed up something you were looking forward to, but all it really means is you have to adjust your exceptions and make new plans. The run up to a wedding usually involves a couple of last minute dashes so prepare yourself a couple of plan b's - have a child free lie-in, take along a dvd you can watch in peace, buy some breakfast goodies under the pretense of it being for them then scoff the lot while their out Wink

Don't let it ruin something you're looking forward to.

TravelinColour · 09/07/2013 21:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Mouseymouseface · 09/07/2013 21:43

I am disabled. I actually need help doing things.

OP posts:
fengirl1 · 09/07/2013 21:44

Could you arrive earlier or stay later so you get some time together? My dsis lives in Canada so any time together is precious.

Iamsparklyknickers · 09/07/2013 21:45

Actually re-reading the schedule, their appointment is the morning of the wedding? I don't think anyone would plan it that way purposefully, it's obvious it's something they feel they need to do.

CrazyOldCatLady · 09/07/2013 21:46

Just because it's a non-urgent medical appointment doesn't mean it's not important to them - maybe they've been waiting a long time for it?

Saxie · 09/07/2013 21:47

I think that they are being terrible hosts. I think family often forget to treat other family members also as guests.

Iamsparklyknickers · 09/07/2013 21:47

Are they expecting to leave you completely alone or will someone else be there?

Numberlock · 09/07/2013 21:48

Perhaps the waiting list is long and to cancel would mean another long delay.

CinnabarRed · 09/07/2013 21:50

I'm reluctant to give a firm opinion one way or the other without knowing what the appointment is for.

But, on balance, and assuming it really is minor (are you sure you know the full story there?) and not the culmination of months getting to the top of a waiting list, then YANBU. This wedding is clearly a massive deal for you, and you could use some support.

char1eston · 09/07/2013 21:51

I would be upset too tbh if I hadn't seen her for such a long time and it was your only opportunity to catch up over the weekend.
I hope you have a good time at the wedding

squeakytoy · 09/07/2013 21:51

What help you would need for the 4.5 hours that they are out? Would you be ok to get yourself a coffee and get to the loo?

From your OP I assumed that you were making your own way there.

Original poster
Mouseymouseface · 09/07/2013 21:51

I will be there alone. She would have to wait 3 weeks if she doesn't go.

Its fair enough. I understand why she wants it looked at. I probably am being self-centred, but mostly bricking it as help was promised and it seems to be falling away. And I can't cope on my own.

My worry probably reflects my fear at not being able to cope rather than being left alone.

OP posts:
CaptainSweatPants · 09/07/2013 21:52

Could you get your money back & travel Saturday morning?
Or if it's a family wedding could your mum be with you Saturday morning

I can't believe people are calling you selfish without knowing what your disability is

squeakytoy · 09/07/2013 21:52

But you will just be alone in the morning. They will presumably be back at 12.30 to help you get ready and accompany you to the wedding and then be spending the rest of the day with you?

fuckwittery · 09/07/2013 21:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MsVestibule · 09/07/2013 21:54

You don't sound self centred; I'd be pissed off too. I know you're not actually visiting her to see her IYSWIM, but I do think that if it was possible to reschedule her appointment, she should have done.

Have you asked her about it, or maybe you don't have that type of relationship?

CloudsAndTrees · 09/07/2013 22:00

That sounds like quite a long appointment, so maybe that morning is the best time she can fit it in given the appointments that are available.

Is your sister aware of how much help you need? Maybe she is thinking that you will be ok if she's not there.

nenevomito · 09/07/2013 22:08

I can see why you're disappointed and nervous as well as you need help. Hopefully the appointment won't be too long and they'll be back in time to help you get ready. Maybe make the most of the Friday night with them to chat and catch up.

Preciousbane · 09/07/2013 22:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.