I am visiting dsis, who now says she will be out for most of the time I'm there.

[Mouseymouseface]

I'm a regular who has name changed for this. I have been very ill for nearly two years, bedbound, housebound, and now starting to have regular short outings.

For the first time in this 2 year period I have agreed to go to relative's wedding which is 2 hours away. I really want to go as I love my relative but am very unsure about my ability to cope health-wise. I also have to go alone as no kids invited and we don't have anyone to leave dc with so dh is kindly doing this.

My dsis said to stay with them (no dc) as conveniently their house is close and they'd help me with my many restrictions (yawn to disability). They persuaded me to go, saying they'd help out. I see her about 3-4 times a year (less since I have been ill)

I am going to arrive late Friday night, have the morning with them and the wedding is at 2 on Saturday.

Today I received a text saying that they would be out for a non-urgent medical appointment from 8.0am until 12.30.

AIBU to feel upset and disappointed. I was looking forward to a morning of chatting and catching up and maybe some help. My dmum says I am expecting too much. Its highly possible that I am, being so limited in terms of contact with others does make one rather self-centred. But I feel really grumpy about it.

FWIW, I don't think you're selfish, I think your posts are reflecting exactly how nervous you are now the plans you thought were going to be in place have changed. Completely understandable, but also completely out of your control. You need to focus on what will happen and how you're going to manage that situation, so if there is anything you willneed help with before your sister leaves in the morning, make sure she knows and that you can get on with what you can.

Your OP gives the impression that although you're limited in what you can do, you'll be travelling alone for two hours so that gives some idea that you have some capabilities when alone. I'm sorry if that's incorrect and please do put me straight if it's not

I get where you're coming from OP. Being ill for a long time skews the way you think about everything and of course people who've not been in that situation find that hard/impossible to understand. I get that as well. So for me YANBU. I do think you should go because it's important to start building up your confidence again. Do you feel you CAN go through with it?

I think it's highly possible she's underestimated how much help you'll need, given you say she's hardly seen you sinc you became ill.

However, that's bye the bye. What you need now is a strategy for getting through the morning. What do you need to achieve, what is essential, what can you do the night before with help, can anyone else come in and help you, etc etc.

Sounds like you've had a horrible few years - it must be very hard. Sympathies OP.

But YABU. They'll be back in time to help you prepare for the wedding. To you the medical issue is minor but it's obviously something she wants out of the way.

She is still allowed to meet her own needs.

YANBU. This was obviously a big effort for you and has taken a lot of planning on your part. It does sound like bad luck the appointment has come up.
Can you travel on Saturday morning instead or would it actually be better for you to have a rest before the wedding. If so, maybe your DSis thinks that leaving you with some peace and quiet would be okay. It is probably hard for her to understand how much it has taken for you to go on this occasion.

Have a good think as to whether you can manage and hopefully you can and you can mentally adjust to the new arrangements. Presumably you have been on your own at home for similar lengths of time?

Are you able to travel on the train alone for a couple of hours? If that's right then can you not manage to be on your own for a few hours when she's at the appointment. Could she make sure you have what you need before she leaves?

It's definitely very disappointing, but I recently tried to change an outpatient appt. as I couldn't get cover at work, and the flipping NHS said I was cancelling it and I'd have to go back to my GP to be referred again! Months wasted....
If you can manage without help for a while, go on Friday night and get a bit of a catch-up, have a rest on Sat and they will also not be stressing n case they are late to collect you or anything. And have a nice time at the wedding!

YABU but I do think you're only being U a little.

Your Dsis is being a little U too, but I know how hard non-emergency appointments are to get at my surgery so I think you have to put it down to one of 'those' things.

Put the disability to one side for a moment, and your situation is not unusual, I see my sister twice a year, and we often need an ulterior motive to justify it and often we don't get the time we want.

I accept you're worried and YANBU for that, but you cannot hold it against your sister if she's offered you a place to stay AND has an appointment on the Saturday, she'd still being kind and accommodating... if my sister expected me to cancel an appointment, non emergency or not, I would not be happy.

I sincerely hope you still manage to have a good time, and that in the short time you have together you can have fun.

Preciousbane and Malcolmtuckersmum Thank you for your kindness. you are right chronic illness is unrelentingly shite!

If I was well I would not think anything of this tbh as there would be plenty of other nice things in my life and I'd go and see her again and we might even have a girls weekend away or something.

As life is at the moment, this is by far the most I will have done for 2 years. being almost housebound means that the furthest I have been is my local town less than a mile away. And life is quite miserable to be totally honest, days spent resting and managing pain. And lonely.

My dh dc, mum and friends have been wonderful. But dsis has been to visit maybe 2 -3 times in those 2 years and hasn't helped me with dc or anything. So I need to be realistic about what I can expect from her in terms of help at the wedding,.

I actually don't think I'm ready to go so far without my dh who gives me fantastic support and encouragement but knows when I need to rest and go home.

This has made me realise that I am not ready to go on a trip of this kind without him or one of my really close friends.

So thank you all. I feel somehow strangely I have come to the right decision for me.