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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder why some people can't just be happy??

27 replies

thatisall · 09/07/2013 21:10

It's really annoying me. Why is it that some people just have to find something to moan about all. the. time!!??

If a flyer comes through the door it's studied for a reason to be angry, every restaurant menu offers an opportunity to complain, every single little noise from next door is scowled at. Everything is sexist, ageist, discriminatory. Everything is watched, assessed and then hated.

Honestly there seem to be more and more people like this around me. I'm all for complaining and shouting the odds when it's necessary, when it matters but some people just can't seem to be happy.

Isn't life hard enough without going in search of things to be angry/upset about??

OP posts:
whatshallwedo · 09/07/2013 21:15

Yanbu my dp is like this in general about his life and it really infuriates me. He is fit(ish), healthy, has a job he enjoys, has an amazing dd, own home, free time to do his various hobbies etc but still he cannot be happy.

A day out seems like a massive effort for him and he is unable to look forward to or get excited about anything, it is always met with a negative attitude.

Writing this down is making me feel Sad and Angry so maybe I'm not much better!

LemonPeculiarJones · 09/07/2013 21:15

Negative thinking is a really, really bad habit. And one that's hard to break.

I think sometimes people get a sort of righteous satisfaction from criticising things/others. I once knew a bloke who said that if someone pissed him off he got a rush of gratification because it meant he was in the right. Hmm

However, discrimination needs to be shot down. In flames. Every single time.

RedHelenB · 09/07/2013 21:16

Agreed - yanby. Live & let live and all that!

livinginwonderland · 09/07/2013 21:17

Argh I know people like this. They will moan about absolutely everything and even when things are going really well, they STILL find something to get upset about!

Iamsparklyknickers · 09/07/2013 21:18

Do you work in my office? It's bloody toxic in there.

I think moaning is contagious and once people get in the habit they can't even recognise they're doing it. I hate having to almost 'decide' what I'm going to listen to based on whether it's an actual problem or just some whinge bag letting out air.

I once pointed out that someone was talking themselves into a bad mood over nothing because they wouldn't shut up about it - did not go down well, but I felt happier!

YAdefinitelyNBU.

aldiwhore · 09/07/2013 21:19

I think you need to step away from a place that sums up gripes. By the virtue of the fact that this forum is called AIBU, people are discussing unreasonableness. There is not a lot of room for all the good stuff.

I think if you listen too hard the world is FULL of valid gripes but if you don't listen enough you miss all the billions of great moments too.

Some people search of validation of their rage so this is a great place to do it, YANBU to think that there are a lot of people who wonder if they ABU but rather than searching for something to complain about, they are faced every day with 'things that aren't as easy as they should be' people on here are more 'Mildly Irked' rather than perma-Hulkform.

YABU. Because people generally don't look for trouble, but things should just be easier than they are.

I think you need to go for a walk, don't read the newspaper for a week , switch off the TV and tinternet.

I know I'd be extremely depressed if I got too much information. Sometimes you need to sit and look at the stars and just take time out.

Vivacia · 09/07/2013 21:20

"Why is it that some people just have to find something to moan about all. the. time!!??"

Brilliant.

VitoCorleone · 09/07/2013 21:22

I try to avoid people like this, they bring you down with them, id rather live in my happy bubble

MissBetseyTrotwood · 09/07/2013 21:23

Nah. I think YABU. I like gloomy sorts.

The only thing worse than relentless misery is relentless positivity. Now that's wearing. Grin

Iamsparklyknickers · 09/07/2013 21:25

Bit AIBU is different - you don't have to read stuff that's been done a million times over if you don't want to, and often it's a very therapeutic chance to tell someone to give over.

Oh and it's a lot more socially acceptable to leave a thread than walk away mid-conversation Grin

WhoNickedMyName · 09/07/2013 21:27

Iamsparklyknickers do I work in your office too? Grin I've just mentioned on another thread how my colleagues suck the life out of me - and it's really difficult not to get drawn in.

Negativity is definitely contagious.

Iamsparklyknickers · 09/07/2013 21:37

I just read that comment whonickedmyname!

We should start a self-help group - I table spontaneously hugging the moaning bastard currently infecting your ear space at any one time.

I have personal space issues myself so figure it's just intrusive and bizarre enough to be effective.

slapandpickle · 09/07/2013 22:49

If you are getting in huffs over -isms that you don't see as valid, maybe you are part of the problem?

MamaMumra · 09/07/2013 23:57

You sound a little bit of a moaner yourself if you don't mind me saying Grin

Seriously though, I do know the sort - in fact, this morning I was quite a moany cow. I think we should all channel Victor Meldrew now and again!

Original poster
thatisall · 10/07/2013 01:11

I'm not talking about AIBU btw, I wouldn't dare cross Mumsnet moaners ;-p Im talking about real life!

I suppose I'm moaning about them now aren't I lol.
slapandtickle part of what problem? There doesn't always have to be a problem?? No I'm not racist, sexist, ageist, discriminatory in any way (I don't think I am anyway), I just think that some people 'enjoy' being angry. Like it fills a space in their minds that would otherwise have to be filled with other stuff.
Also sparkly I think I work in your office. Are you the one who keeps moving my pen from one side of the desk to the other? I'm sure I'm being targeted (genuine recent gripe by a colleague of mine).

OP posts:
aldiwhore · 10/07/2013 01:21

People have big worries, little rage moments are easier to handle I suppose?

SirBoobAlot · 10/07/2013 01:26

You're narrow minded if you see it as a choice. I'd love to be happy. Sincerely would love to be. I don't really know what it feels like, though. I know how it should feel. But I never really feel completely happy. There is always some cloud hanging over everything. You don't have to search out things to feel angry and upset about to feel that way; there aren't always reasons for emotions.

And as much as it gets on your tits if other people are having problems, imagine feeling like that. Every. Single. Fucking. Moment.

LittleSporksBigSpork · 10/07/2013 01:32

I do not enjoy being angry, I do not go looking for things, but I find the more I know about it and the more times it happens to me, the rate I come across it seems to exponentially rise. The only way things change is to do something and sadly most of the time that is to raise a complaint much like a moan. Silence never helps the victims and all that.

If I could go a day without having slurs and hateful actions negatively affecting me, I would probably celebrate with a large cake. It would likely have to involve hiding in a cabin in the woods with no electronics or media or people though and not really do anyone else any good.

Original poster
thatisall · 10/07/2013 01:32

I think that never experiencing a feeling of happiness and actively seeking out reasons to complain are two very different things.
sirboobalot you sound as though you're speaking from experience with your choice of words and that fuvking sucks, it really does. I lived with depression for several years and it was horrendous (not that I'm saying you're depressed) but that isn't what my post refers to at all. I hope you find a way to feel happy

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SirBoobAlot · 10/07/2013 01:39

I know very few people that actively seek out reasons to complain, though. Upon observation, people that seem to do this are people that are either miserable or angry, and don't know why, so are looking for somewhere to direct that emotion at, not a reason to complain.

Then there is the other side of things, where you genuinely feel angry / frustrated / upset at everything. Again... Whilst it might be annoying to be on the receiving end of, can you imagine how tiring that is?

That said... You say 'lived with'. I hope this means you are recovered now, and stay that way :)

SirBoobAlot · 10/07/2013 01:43

Don't get me wrong, I know there are some miserable bastards out there Grin I live next door to some of them... And they used to just irritate the hell out of me. Then I realised that if someone was emotionally unstable enough to be ranting about a leaflet or a menu, then there was obviously something 'bigger' behind it. If that makes sense?

Original poster
thatisall · 10/07/2013 01:51

Yeah I've often thought that perhaps some people seek out stuff to be angry with so that they don't have to address what's really going on with them.
Lived with... Yes but I've been recovered for 2 1/2 years now. Always on guard for the black dog though but all is well :-)

OP posts:
SirBoobAlot · 10/07/2013 01:56

I think that's much more it, rather than just wanting to be complaining. It's easier to say you're angry about the leaflets going through your door than it is about the bigger issues.

Good. I hope you stay recovered :)

slapandpickle · 10/07/2013 02:17

@thatisall what i meant was that lots of crappy behaviour gets dismissed outright by people who have the power to help change things, by ignoring you are indeed part of the problem as by being passive you are implying the status quo is ok. That's a valid reason for frustration for many many people.

EG: my work was v supportive when an older person made ageist comments about the young being unfit to do certain jobs, if they had not been taken to task for this then I would have been v miserable working with that person as they would not have been confronted about their words and would have continued making me feel unworthy and uncomfortable by carrying on.

Ditto sexism, if it's ignored it makes you feel worthless and shitty, eg acquaintance in pub being horrible 'funny' sexist. Friends tell them to shut up = you feel like a real person. Everyone ignores/laughs along = you feel like your emotions are invalid. Oversimplified yes. Bit tired hard to elaborate.

Does not apply to your everyday moaner but the little things do tend to grind you down. I agree with LittleSporks for what it's worth, if it's enough for someone to be pissed off about enough to complain they have a right to do so. I do not think it is very nice to dismiss someone's emotions in that way. Often once you start noticing things it escalates v quickly, I find when that happens I have to step away from the internet/people and take some time to breathe and maybe they haven't learned to do that yet.

I do agree however if someone is constantly moaning about tiny petty things it is very tiring for the listener, if I was subject to listening to that sort of thing, I agree and I'd feel the same way. However as other posters have said it is often a symptom of something else being wrong in their life.

This is a forum for petty gripes and now you have heard mine...

Original poster
thatisall · 10/07/2013 02:23

Well consider me chastised, I am clearly part of a huge problem, :-/

The incidents you describe ARE cause for complaint and I think I have made it clear that I am referring to people who actively seek out and seem to enjoy the process of becoming angry with something in order to complain.

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