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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off by this text, what are we 16?!

50 replies

Tittypulumpcious · 09/07/2013 19:34

A friend text today asking if she had upset me and our other mutual friends as we had been spending a lot of time together and not including her. I didn't reply as I've been really busy today and when I got a moment to reply she had sent another saying my silence said it all and demanded to know what she'd done.

She has annoyed me and our other friends with her insistence on giving her often hurtful opinions and using the line 'what sort of a friend would I be if I didn't tell the truth'

It isn't my place to speak for the others and I'm unhappy that she's text only me asking about everyone. I have barely seen our other friends so her information is wrong and I don't like being goaded with 'obviously I've done something would be nice if you told me' texts.

AIBU to just ignore these texts completely and text in a few days about something else?

OP posts:
LeaveTheBastid · 09/07/2013 19:40

What not just tell her why she has annoyed you? Stating you can't speak for others and she should speak to them about their possible issues.

Unfair and cowardly of you to ignore, especially if she has pissed you off.

Dackyduddles · 09/07/2013 19:40

Personally if meet her and say you upset me when you did x y z.

The rest is noise like some annoying gnat I want to squish

WhoNickedMyName · 09/07/2013 19:42

YABU.

If you have a problem with her, which you do, then either tell her and try and resolve it, or cut her out completely.

But to ignore her texts, then text in a few days about something else like nothing has happened, is just cowardly and shit.

SarahAndFuck · 09/07/2013 19:44

I don't think I would ignore it.

I might reply and say that couldn't speak for the others, wasn't aware of anything she was suggesting and that you had been busy and didn't see the message right away.

But she doesn't sound like much of a friend if she's hurtful and hides behind the "what sort of friend...?" line. Especially if you feel she is goading you as well. And I would feel suspicious about being the only person she has confronted as I would suspect she was planning to then use your reply to gossip about you to the others and imply you were the one stirring the trouble.

LEMisdisappointed · 09/07/2013 19:48

wow - are you one of those bloody awful cliques? Like you say, how old are you, 16?? Ignoring someone because they annoy you etc, leaving out of get togethers - just tell her!!

rootypig · 09/07/2013 19:49

YABU. If she is asking you directly what I going on, it is rude not even to acknowledge that she's spoken.

I am a bit Shock that you would even consider it and think it says a lot about how you really feel about her. Admit it to yourself, and to her, and you can both move on.

And forget everyone else, you're right, this group thing is a bit teenage, but that sounds like it's you, not her.

southeastastra · 09/07/2013 19:51

i feel a bit sorry for her, she sounds ultra sensitive and is probably stewing in it a bit. be nice and reply

KirjavaTheCat · 09/07/2013 19:51

Well you do have a problem with her, she's right isn't she? You not being straight with her is 16yo behavior.

mynewpassion · 09/07/2013 19:51

I think your solution to the problem is immature and very teenage-like. Just be honest with her.

ImperialBlether · 09/07/2013 19:51

OK I would say: "Sorry I haven't replied earlier. It's been a busy day. Since you ask, I haven't liked the way you've been talking to me lately. A lot of the comments you've made about me are hurtful and I usually end up feeling really bad about myself after being with you, so I thought it would be better to spend a bit of time apart."

What's the worst she can do?

LadyBeagleEyes · 09/07/2013 19:52

So a group of you have deliberately excluded her and she texted you to ask why?
And then you ignored her.
Someone sounds 16 and it doesn't sound like her.

Original poster
Tittypulumpcious · 09/07/2013 19:55

I recently got married and discovered from the others that they had stopped her from coming to me on my wedding day and telling me how certain things were not to her liking. That I should know as she is my friend.

If I tell her why I'm unhappy it will automatically drop my other 2 friends in the shit and I don't do she said etc and gossiping. I'm direct and had she have come to me I would have told her I found her opinions rude and hurtful.

As she hasn't said anything to me I don't want to tell her I know but I am still quite hurt by the things she said.

As for my other friends she needs to ask them the same question individually not expect me to answer for all.

OP posts:
runningonwillpower · 09/07/2013 19:55

I'm confused.

She thinks she's being excluded. You say she's misinformed but also say she's annoying you all. So you've excluded her to the point of talking about her?

Whatever the rights and wrongs, she is being excluded from the friendship group if only at the level of conversation. (And that would hurt.)

And you just want to pretend it's not happening?

You are being unreasonable. Your friend knows something isn't right.

So you can either lie and pretend she's mistaken. Or you can talk on your own behalf and say why there is a problem. Or you can involve the rest of your friendship group.

But don't pretend your friend is imagining things.

pictish · 09/07/2013 19:56

Yep - tell her. Leaving her out and giving her radio silence is quite immature OP, sorry.

You don't even have to be confrontational. Just frank.

Original poster
Tittypulumpcious · 09/07/2013 19:56

She's not been excluded, I have seen our other friends once in 5 weeks as I am out of the UK alot. Her info is wrong.

OP posts:
BobblyGussets · 09/07/2013 19:57

Whatever you do, don't use text to communicate anymore over this matter. It has gotten too sensitive and text really isn't the medium that will help you solve it.

mynewpassion · 09/07/2013 19:57

Your friends could be shit-stirring

StrawberryMojito · 09/07/2013 19:59

What runningonwillpower said.

Vivacia · 09/07/2013 20:00

Your behaviour is unreasonable. Ring her up and talk to her.

WhoNickedMyName · 09/07/2013 20:03

I don't do she said etc and gossiping

Well clearly you do because you've been doing it with your other friends and their "she said" about your wedding. What a toxic group of people you are friends with. If your " friends" were so concerned with sparing your feelings they wouldn't even have mentioned the things "she said" about your wedding.

If you have a problem with your friend then tell her. And I wouldn't be bothered about dropping the shit-stirrers in it.

KirjavaTheCat · 09/07/2013 20:03

Then you should tell her that her information is wrong.

If you can't tell her why you have a problem with her because it'll get your other friends into 'trouble', then it's not a problem worth having is it? And if your friends were genuinely concerned that she'd hurt your feelings with her comments they shouldn't have told you, and put you into this situation.

Just be honest. You're all adults.

KirjavaTheCat · 09/07/2013 20:04

x-post nickedmyname!

pictish · 09/07/2013 20:10

Agree with Kirjava and Whonicked there entirely.

You're not into he said she said? Listen to yourself. Read your big drama over the wedding again.

Your mates are shit stirrers and you're all loving it.

pictish · 09/07/2013 20:10

And yes...you're all 16.

mynewpassion · 09/07/2013 20:12

Yep what whoniicked said.