To be pissed off by this text, what are we 16?!

[Tittypulumpcious]

A friend text today asking if she had upset me and our other mutual friends as we had been spending a lot of time together and not including her. I didn't reply as I've been really busy today and when I got a moment to reply she had sent another saying my silence said it all and demanded to know what she'd done.

She has annoyed me and our other friends with her insistence on giving her often hurtful opinions and using the line 'what sort of a friend would I be if I didn't tell the truth'

It isn't my place to speak for the others and I'm unhappy that she's text only me asking about everyone. I have barely seen our other friends so her information is wrong and I don't like being goaded with 'obviously I've done something would be nice if you told me' texts.

AIBU to just ignore these texts completely and text in a few days about something else?

You are doing exactly that which she accuses you of. And you are gossiping about her with your friends so you do 'he said, she said'

You are being gossipy and two faced. Just tell her what your problem is and stop gossiping and being mean about her with our friends. It's childish.

I wonder if you are so annoyed because she has called it right?

Your spinning it to suit you by pleading ignorance at being out of the country when you clearly know that people are pissed off with her..

I don't see why you can't say that she can be blunt/harsh and perhaps needs to rein it in when it's not necessary - but that you can't speak for the others. If you can accept that as part of your friendship then make that clear, if you can't then be honest. She's asked so is obviously prepared to hear the truth.

Fwiw I don't understand why the rest of your friends would stop her saying something to your face that would upset you, and then tell you anyway? Either she would have gone away and reflected that perhaps they were right (which is what you seem to want her to learn) and it didn't need to be said, or she would have told you herself afterwards anyway.

It's not fair to set her up to fail and provide gossip foder.

realises has posted exactly the same thing as others

But it's bloody right. Take a deep breath and look at it as neutrally as you can. No-one is looking particularly angelique in this scenario. If it matters to you, then put it right.

I don't think the friends stopped this woman from going to the OP's wedding.

They stopped her from going up to the OP on her wedding day to complain about the bits of the OP's wedding which this woman didn't like. While the wedding was still happening.

YABU

Just tell her why you're pissed off.

Twats need telling otherwise how will they never learn not to be twats?

Spot on SarahandFuck, on my wedding day she wanted to confront me because as she was my friend I should know that she felt x y z were not to her taste.

I'm not a cunt, I'm not a bitch and I haven't excluded her how could I when I'm not at home! She's text me because of a falling out with our other friend which hasn't be resolved.

Had she not have asked me I would have been keeping my mouth shut regarding my issues with her, now I'll be telling her that I'm sorry my cake wasn't traditional fruit, that I had pre wedding photos before my ceremony, that I had no idea the venue would run out of coke a cola and I'll also be telling her that going off for a shag 2 hrs after the ceremony leaving me taking care of her dd was bloody rude .
Unreasonable of me to say nothing maybe but I'm not about to be called a cunt by anyone just because I don't want a confrontation with someone I considered a really good friend.

you considered her a really good friend but slagged her off with your friends about your wedding and leave her out of social events? blimey

Just don't get involved in text dialogue. If it's important then she should be able to pick up the phone.

You must of been gossiping to your friends otherwise how would you know she only text you?

I bet you text them saying "OMG x just text me asking if we've fell out with her. Did she text you? Im just ignoring her"

Grow up and if she's being hurtful pull her on it instead of bitching behind her back.

Just get it out into the open. Make her feel like a dick if she was behaving like one, but don't drag it out. It's childish.

the trouble with texts is they are so open to misinterpretation whats wrong with an honest conversation?

In your OP you were asking if it was unreasonable to ignore the text and text in a few days about something else. Now you seem to need no advice, but have decided to confront her. Other posters have been advising you to be honest and address the issues with her. But there weren't advocating doing it in an antagonistic way. That will help no one, honestly. What you want to do is avoid the immature ignoring thing and the having a row thing. To be fair, your friend probably doesn't know what she's done and is bound to be feeling rotten about losing you all. That's punishment enough, surely.

Your story does change, though. In the OP, you said 'we have been spending a lot of time together', but when you were challenged about it, you said that you hadn't actually been part of the group that excluded her, because you were away. It has also turned out that in the end, your friend wasn't rude to your face, and she has never said anything directly to you or used 'the line' with you personally. Well, if you're going to fall out with someone, why make it over something that hasn't even happened to you? She sounds opinionated and tactless, but her criticisms about your wedding don't sound particularly wounding. It's not as if she said she didn't know what you ever saw in him etc.

You sound like you've had your fill of this girl and want to cut her out as a group. That's a very harsh thing to do if you haven't tried to address her bad habits. We've all got flaws. Friendships are there partly to help us grow and deal with them.

Jesus weeps! Some really nasty replies to the op.

Op YANBU... But i would call your 'friend' & be straight with her, texting isn't appropriate.

Your other two friends should not have told you about her behaviour at your wedding. They should have protected you from that.

They sound like the bad guys here.

I have to say though, they seem to have done a number on you and you want to be their friend. That means disliking who they grassed on - your poor text friend.

Sounds like an episode of Grange Hill.

If you considered her a good friend talk to her she may have said about the cake in answer to an opinion, you don't know because you haven't given her the chance to tell you, your other friends do sound bitchy to be fair. Telling you everything she had said, and as for nipping off for a shag, are you sure you couldn't have just laughed at the time she asked and said no?

If she really was a good friend, it's worth sorting out, doesn't sound like you are that close to me though.

She text me because of a falling out with our other friend which hasn't be resolved

Oh god this just gets more and more juvenile.

I work in an office with 5 back stabby, gossipy, horrible men and women like this, and I find it so draining, they suck the all the energy and joy out of me on a daily basis.

I'm gobsmacked that anyone would actually choose to be friends with, and spend time with people like this.

At least I'm getting paid for it.

Seriously, fuck the lot of them off and get yourself some new mates.

OP, I have a very similar situation. A group of us have been friends for a number of years but one person in the group is a stereo-typical competitive mum with very stong opinions. Anyone with opposing views is a 'freak.' Over the years we have know each other she has fallen out with numerous neighbours, in-laws, trades people, school parents, our wider social network and been very critical of every teacher that has taught our children.

She has never fallen out with me directly but has been critical to me about most of our joint friends over the years for 'imagined' slights they have committed. I can't believe that one person can be so thick-skinned not to realise they are the common denominator in all these fall outs! As a group we have started doing things without her, partly as she has distanced herself at times and partly because she completely takes over and upsets the dynamics. I am sure she would say that we are excluding her (and I guess we are) and ideally we should confront her (not that it would do any good) however our children will be schooled together for the next few years and I am trying to keep the peace for the sake of my children. I know the first thing she would do if we fell out would be to organise a huge kids party and include everyone but my children (she has history of this)!

Sorry for the hi-jack but I feel soooo much better now!!

Yabu.
Yes it's not nice to have your wedding slagged off but you only have your snitchy mates word for it.
I don't buy this "I was too busy to text" stuff, it doesn't take a minute to text and explain you are in the middle of something but will be in touch later.
If she has upset you talk to her, don't just ignore her and talk about her, not nice.

I think she has plucked up a lot of courage to text you and you should be honest with her.

I have been had a Wendy situation lately (I read a thread on here, discovered that the situation was about the "Wendy" and not me) i am fine now but was really upset at points and would really have liked to have sent a text asking if I'd done something wrong.

Just tell her the truth, nicely, and if she wants to fall out then it's down to her.

If she is rude to you, why on earth can't you tell her she's rude? I mean in the past.

I don't think you are as good pals to each other as you think.

A bit of honesty is required here.

Has anyone actually read the OP properly?

It was the friend who texted that the rest of the group had been meeting up without her.

Hard to know what advice to give, if any at all. Your friend sounds like a pain in the arse and rather self-centered. It may be best to tell her that you have been away and have only seen your other friends once since the wedding. That you are unaware of her doing anything in particular but, as she is asking, that she has on occasion been very hurtful with her own opinions. And that a better friend would keep hurtful opinions to themselves.

If she kicks up a fuss and becomes all "Me! No!" then kick her to the kerb.
(Goodness, giving advice when I didn't mean to. )

Ah. The Wendy scenario. Wonder who it is in this case.

Am still struggling with my omnipresent Wendy.