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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think addressing your unborn child/newborn baby/child who can't read on fb is strange?

105 replies

gertrudetrain · 08/07/2013 15:14

I'm new to FB. I was weak and gave into family and friend pressure to have an account for events and groups I belong to. I find many elements totally bizarre (outright racism, sexism and general twattery) but try to steer clear/defriend members who partake in that behaviour. What I can't escape us generally level headed, normally sound friends or family who address their offspring (born and unborn) as a status e.g today someone directly addressed their one year old saying 'Happy Birthday X, one year today since you let up our lives. We love you the world over blah blah blah'

Is this a new custom? I haven't addressed the Gertrude clan when its their birthday unless 2. They can read 2. They have a FB account. AIBU to find these status' odd or us it very normal?

OP posts:
garlicsmutty · 09/07/2013 00:30

Yabu and way too literal, OP. I'll have to forgive you as you're new to FB and probably see it as a written medium, rather than the extension of "talking to friends" that it is for most people.

You would sing Happy Birthday at a one-year-old's party, wouldn't you, despite the fact that the baby neither knows nor cares about it's birthday?

garlicsmutty · 09/07/2013 00:31

its, dammit! I wrote you're for your earlier on, too. What's happened? Has my grammar melted? Blush

SunshineBossaNova · 09/07/2013 00:56

Meh. I left a 'missing you on your birthday' message on the FB page of a dead friend this week. I don't know his family personally, but thought they might like to know that they're not the only ones thinking about him.

Oh, and YABU.

differentnameforthis · 09/07/2013 04:18

First rule of fb...if you don't like what people post, unfriend them. It is their page & they can post what they like.

Tee2072 · 09/07/2013 05:15

BTW, most of this stuff has been going on longer than FB.

LiveJournal is used the same way.

So was MySpace.

Stop blaming FB for making you a misery gut.

Or, hey, stop using it. It's not required.

Alconleigh · 09/07/2013 06:42

I do think there is a definite recent element of things not being real unless you document them and publish them for others to see. I am not talking about people wanting to commemorate a child they have lost etc here by the way, I understand that. But Eg on nights out with younger friends. They can't just be in the moment, enjoying the evening. It's group photos every 10 mins, to be instantly uploaded. I get that it's virtually effortless to do so, but why is showing that you're having a good time more important than actually having it?

exoticfruits · 09/07/2013 06:54

FB causes such upset! Don't go on if you don't like it- or choose your friends more carefully.

SummersHere · 09/07/2013 06:58

Yanbu, people share far too much on fb. When I see updates from friends wishing their babies a happy birthday I just think why don't you just wish them a happy birthday to their face, they're right there in the room with you.
Yesterday a friend of mine announced her child did their first poo on the potty, I mean in what world is that of any interest to anyone other than the parents?
Fair enough write in a journal or something but to share info like that with hundreds of people is just weird and unnecessary imo.

saintmerryweather · 09/07/2013 07:03

its nothing but attention seeking.

Bunbaker · 09/07/2013 07:05

It is because far too many people are too full of their own self importance. It is "look at me" on the internet - just attention seeking IMO.

As a private person I really cannot understand why some people want to live their life so publicly.

mynameisnotmichaelcaine · 09/07/2013 07:06

I always post when it's my Mum's anniversary. I usually write something like"Missing Mum today, 9 years". Mainly it's to warn people that I will be vile and unreasonable all day. I don't want to tell everyone I see face to face as, obviously unreasonably, I find the fact that my Mum died when I was 24 and three weeks away from giving birth a tad upsetting.

I also post when it is my dc's birthday. Usually a pic of their excited face and "Happy Birthday X, 7 today!" This is mainly to remind my brother that it is their birthday.

If people don't like it, they know where the unfriend button is!

maja00 · 09/07/2013 07:20

I like hearing about my friend's children/holidays/weddings.

I think some people's problem is they just add people indiscriminately to Facebook. If these people aren't your friends, and you don't want updates about their lives, don't add them or block them from your newsfeed. It's really not hard.

exoticfruits · 09/07/2013 07:33

I agree maja- too many people just add acquaintances that they couldn't care less about. Keep to a few real friends and you won't have the problem.

At least it s short. Blogs are far worse.

icklemssunshine1 · 09/07/2013 07:39

I'm with previous posters who say the "cryptic" messages are the most annoying but I choose not to comment in them.

DD was 2 last week & both DH & I write a status not aimed at her directly but stated how she had brought joy into our lives. I also mark by DF's anniversary of his passing & this September I'll also honour the baby I lost on their birthday. Yes it maybe "attention seeking" but I only have true friends & family linked to me & its nothing I would say to them IRL. FB to me is about sharing, if people annoy you maybe they aren't your "true" friends & you should just hide then or "unfriend" them?

ZillionChocolate · 09/07/2013 07:40

How about people who post to their partners when they're in the same house? Can we agree that's pointless attention seeking?

hamdangle · 09/07/2013 07:42

I have a friend on Facebook that posts happy 5/6/7 month birthday DD every month! And not just one post about each imaginary birthday either. Same person also posted about DD using their name before they were born e.g. "Sophie's feeling happy today. Just read her a bedtime story" Or "bought Sophie some chocolate. Yum yum." Stop it. Just stop it.

I also really hate, with a passion, people who post pictures of their child's massive pile of presents at Christmas or birthdays. I can understand taking a pic of the child happily opening the presents and posting that but what actual reason does a person have for taking a picture of the unopened presents and then putting it up on FB other than to boast about how much you spoil your kids/ money you have? Gah!

I like seeing pictures of my friends' or family's children but I definitely think it becomes an obsession for some people and they feel the need to share every little part of their life.

jaabaar · 09/07/2013 09:26

I find nothing more sad when I see 3 people in a living room, each with their phones posting and reading FB in an eerie silence....

I have seen so much communication disappear. I used to have lovely discussions with SIL. Since she discovered FB she never talks anymore, doesn't pay attention to her kids. When you visit she disappears in other room and checks her FB for long periods of time.

My husband asked her why you have to do this while you have visitors? She says because she has to answer to messages.....

She went out for lunch with a friend and during lunch they post each other on FB...

I find it all very sad. You should not let any social media take over your life at the cost of everything else....

ilovechips · 09/07/2013 09:51

If you don't like what people post then de-friend. Or if that's a bit awkward, eg family, just hide them from your news feed. You're not being unreasonable to find some posts irritating, but it is unreasonable to not do something about it! People can post what they like on their wall.

Original poster
gertrudetrain · 09/07/2013 12:19

It was actually my dsis who did the posting to my DN yesterday. Then her DH did it. Then his Manna. Then his godparents. All wishing one little boy Happy Birthday and how they live him sooooooo much but he isn't going to ever see it Hmm I can't defriend my sister but I will hide her news feed when she irritates. I didn't know you could do it.

The passive aggressive 'Some people are horrible. I'll get over it but hope you feel good ' type posts are purely and utterly attention seeking. How can anyone argue with that?

OP posts:
Bunbaker · 09/07/2013 18:49

"I think some people's problem is they just add people indiscriminately to Facebook. If these people aren't your friends, and you don't want updates about their lives, don't add them or block them from your newsfeed. It's really not hard"

I agree. I have about 20 friends on Facebook because they are genuine friends, and none of my friends post twattish stuff. Someone (age 13) at DD's school has over 1500 "friends". How can you possibly be real friends with that many people?

happyhorse · 09/07/2013 18:59

I have a FB 'friend' who wrote a message to her cat. I wrote that I was very impressed that her cat was on Facebook as mine couldn't even read yet. She didn't reply Grin

garlicsmutty · 09/07/2013 19:18

When I speak to my friends with younger DC - on the phone, with our voices - the conversation's at least 25% updates about the kids, and 50% asides to DC: "It's in the fridge, just help yourself ... Why is she crying? STOP HITTING HER! ... No, where did you last have it? ... I'm talking, please go in the other room ... etc etc" Grin

Facebook's just an extension of that. It's called 'sharing' because that's what we do, share pieces of our lives with friends.

NigellaEllaElla · 09/07/2013 19:46

I have no problem with people sharing bits of their lives with friends. I'm not on FB but have been but I love Twitter.

However what the OP is objecting to is addressing children/people directly that can't possibly see the posts, and I agree with her. Simply daft and highly annoying.

YummyYummyYum · 09/07/2013 20:50

My aunt (she is just 39) became a mother through adoption and she is 'guilty' of posting many lots and lots of messages to her baby boy, from the day she became a mother (when she took her baby home) and now his first birthday.

She was a virgin when she got married (old fashioned Catholic family) and only after she got married (she was 30 years old) she found out she had endometriosis, so advanced she had to have a hysterectomy.

I do not think it's a stealth boast, I think she knows she has been blessed with a child and wants to share her happiness with her fb friends.

oreocookiez · 09/07/2013 21:08

Fb is complete garbage. It is mostly self indulgant posts by people who want others to think they have an oh so amazing life. Id rather phone my mates for a chat, visit and meet up. Fb 'friends' are mostly not friends. People posting to their babies are doing it so people will say ahhh isnt that sweet. YANBU you are just normal! X