To think addressing your unborn child/newborn baby/child who can't read on fb is strange?

[gertrudetrain]

I'm new to FB. I was weak and gave into family and friend pressure to have an account for events and groups I belong to. I find many elements totally bizarre (outright racism, sexism and general twattery) but try to steer clear/defriend members who partake in that behaviour. What I can't escape us generally level headed, normally sound friends or family who address their offspring (born and unborn) as a status e.g today someone directly addressed their one year old saying 'Happy Birthday X, one year today since you let up our lives. We love you the world over blah blah blah'

Is this a new custom? I haven't addressed the Gertrude clan when its their birthday unless 2. They can read 2. They have a FB account. AIBU to find these status' odd or us it very normal?

What do you get from it though Towanda? Isn't it just seeking attention that is better got from telling people how you feel? When I tell my friends how much I adore my kids they smile and join in the proud mummy moments. Most people who see those fb statuses just roll their eyes or at best take a nanosecond to click a 'like' button. I way prefer the former interaction.

Not attention seeking in the slightest, I wouldn't care if noone saw, liked or commented. It's nice that people do but it doesn't matter. It doesn't hurt anyone if I use Facebook whichever way I choose to - if anyone doesn't like it, they're free to delete, hide, block me.

I'm far from alone, particularly in posting to my daughter who died.

Yes it's bizarre. Just like people who talk about themselves in the third person or discuss God as if God was a person. Strange and Infantile. However. Each to their own.

Jessie I have signed cards 'and Bump' I think because to me, this person growing insidde me feels very real and very much part of our family already. Is it generally 'vom' inducing or just you that feels like that?

Self promotion I have a child. It's embarrassing to read really.

I get that it's up to you how you use fb and I respect that. I am just trying to understand what you get from it,simply because I don't understand and I see it a lot. If you don't want attention, you don't want people to see it, so why do it?

Actually have given this a bit more thought. IABU to think this is a modern day thing. It has happened before Facebook in the family announcements section of local newspapers where they have First Birthday sections and In remembrance and Birth announcements.

I didn't mean that if someone can not respond its tosh. I said if someone can"t actually comprehend then what's the point. Actually quite humbled and cross with myself for upsetting people who have lost a child. I'm sorry.

phantom I agree people should be direct "Everyone congratulate me because I gave birth one year ago", "I feel like shit because so-and-so died ten years ago and I miss them"

For dd1's first anniversary I put a birthday remembrance notice in the paper. I didn't want or expect replies, she wouldn't have been able to read it but in the absence of celebrating it was something I could do to say hey world it's her birthday. The following year I couldn't afford it and the year after that I used Facebook to do it. I didn't expect replies. I have 4 dc since then and they each get a birthday message each year - all my DC get the same.

Towanda Is it a way of keeping a line if communication open to your DC? Hope you don't mind me asking it's just I do understand this a little, DD had a twin who didn't survive past 14 weeks gestation (its called vanishing twin syndrome) so on DD's birthday I release a balloon to acknowledge the existence of this baby.

Ha, real time labour updates are hilariously stupid. '5cm, Woop, Woop'

And messages to partners and spouses, blerghhhh, pass me the sick bucket!

Partly. Partly so my DC know they are all equally loved (2 can read now)

I think many things on fb are bizarre, weird, odd or plain stupid. Posting to dead people and children who can't read isn't up there for me. Each to their own as long as it's not offensive it illegal?

Over sharing pisses me off, unfortunately I've had real time labour updates, as do 'cryptic' status updates leading to "what's up hun?", "nothing hun", "inbox me", "yeah I've inboxed you hun" "thanks hun" - Facebook at its MOST irritating, this is attention seeking at its finest, giving half the story and posting nothing else for hours but then reverting to inbox because whatever it is is private. Idiots!

However, what's wrong with talking about your children? It's nice to put your little thoughts on, they don't harm anyone and it's probably 'what is on you mind'. Profile pictures of your children are absolutely not an example of a loss of identify. My profile picture is of my baby, he's cute. I don't care what anyone else thinks or cares to comment, he's on there because I like the picture. I still have an identity. It's the same with pets, holidays, new houses, new cars etc. No harm done.

Facebook is a medium to release thoughts, we have control over who we are 'friends' with and who we are not. If you don't like the way someone uses Facebook then don't be friends with them. If you are too worried about the implications of defriending then simply hide their posts from your newsfeed. I imagine that posts to deceased loved ones are a ways of still feeling like there is a connection, or at least a small acknowledgement to the world that you haven't forgotten - what, exactly, is bloody wrong with that????

Thank you Towanda and I can relate. Some years I need to verbalise that it is DDs b'day and others I just spend the day at her graveside. But I still don't understand what you get from putting it on fb? Wouldn't it be better to speak to your friends / family.
The whole living childs birthday thing still bemuses me - it's not a taboo, I just don't get it. Don't get me wrong I'll post after a 6th b'day party or whatever but usually along the lines of 'that was fun, now I'm gonna get vair drunk!' It's me talking to my friends who are on fb.

Maybe they can read, don't you know how talented some children are these days.

Ohhhh dear..... I'm one of those who occasionally writes such stuff.
Did not realise how annoying it is to others...

I even opened a hotmail (!) account in my dd name and sometimes send her emails either with funny things she said, or poems, or what values I try to teach her, funny things she does etc.

When she is a certain age on one of her birthdays maybe when she is 14 I will give her a gift box with the email address and password....

I do this as a memory keeper... We forget so many tiny precious moments.

I know it's silly but it makes me happy and I'm sure she will find it warming to read it all.... Hopefully

hooverfairy
Word by word exactly what I think as well

I think i'm a bit conscious that children are little people in their own right who in years to come might not be happy to have lots of pictures and status updates about them 'out there' in the world.

God, I wonder how i'd feel now if there was a public ally available ongoing record of me as a child or even worse, teenager?!!! I guess our generation of children won't know any different.

jaabar I love that. That is personal though, between you and your dd. It's different. I have a little book and box for my ds.

Ah jaabar I think that's a really nice idea.

Jaabar that's a lovely idea, reminds me of the advert.. Think it was Google?!

I share what I want on Facebook, I figure if people don't like it they know where the delete button is.

I'm with OP on this. It's odd and pointless in my opinion. Not just about children though, I've seen people wish husbands a Happy Birthday on it - To my gorgeous husband, happy birthday, love you so much! - And the husband isn't even on FB. Why?????

This I could deal with - It's my husbands birthday today! Love him loads!

It's not the posts about birthdays etc I have a problem with, it's addressing them to someone who will never know anything about them!

And a FB post cannot be compared to a birthday card, that's a ridiculous comparison to make. You are sending the card to an individual as a keepsake, not sharing the wishes with god knows how many people, but not the one it's intended for.

I don't think the message is intended for the baby - surely it's aimed at friends and family, particularly if accompanied by a cute picture of the birthday child.

Note to everyone - the elements of Facebook you find bizarre - ie, outright racism, homophobia, sexism etc... are not elements of Facebook. They are elements of the people you know.

The problem people have with Facebook is usually their friends, not Facebook. It's just that before Facebook your friends' twattery usually went unseen.

agree with everything hooverfairy wrote.

I am like the worst person ever according to this thread, I have pretty much done all of it (bar the writing as my child... I do think that's a bit strange). My profile pic is of my baby, I wrote a status about how proud I was saying well done to my 7 year old, I posted up live labour statuses and scan photos. I go with the opinion that if someone doesn't like it they can remove me. I don't constantly do it every day, but I do like to do it occasionally. Most of my friends like or comment, so I don't think I am annoying