Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL visit

29 replies

123oap · 08/07/2013 14:04

I have an impending visit from my MIL - she visits every 3 months or so. I have cleaned, tidied and even gardened for the visit. She voices her opinion on everything - me, my clothes, my hair, the children, the house: and points out anything which does not come up to scratch. We need a new kitchen, so she's bringing along some brochures to go through with me.... She also freely goes upstairs and has a look round - no need we have a downstairs loo. Hence upstairs is looking it's neatest, since she last visited. I work from home, and am extremely busy, so don't appreciate this busy body coming and telling me what needs to be done around the place. Any tips on how to get through the visit would be appreciated. AIBU to hide in my study while she's here?

OP posts:
DeepRedBetty · 08/07/2013 14:06

No tips. Sorry. Except here's some Wine for later after the old bat's gone.

And smile and nod and smile and nod...

WestieMamma · 08/07/2013 14:07

I'd turn my house into a pigsty, let the weeds grow in the garden and not bath the kids for a week, just for her benefit. But them I'm a contrary sod.

CailinDana · 08/07/2013 14:07

Get your dh to have a word with her.

LadyMaryQuiteContrary · 08/07/2013 14:07

Hide the study? I wouldn't let her in. Wait outside for her and take her to the nearest cafe the minute she turns up. She's coming to see you and your children, not to inspect your house. Tell her to stop being such a cow.

ThreeEyedRaven · 08/07/2013 14:08

a) Take a load of valium and smile sweetly thru your drugged up haze whilst she's there

b) leave sex toys dotted about the place in places you know she snoops (get some really kinky ones!)

c) trash the place and pretend you don't see what the problem is when she pulls you up on it.

HTH

ThreeEyedRaven · 08/07/2013 14:10

d) put a red ribbon across the front door and when she arrives, present her with some scissors to cut it with and declare that you are ready for her inspection

Original poster
123oap · 08/07/2013 14:34

Fab ideas. DH too much of a wimp to stand up to her. Last time, the house looked a tip because I hadn't time to clean it. I've gone half way this time!! I'm in the mood to tell her what I think!

OP posts:
LadyMaryQuiteContrary · 08/07/2013 14:36

You shouldn't be in fear of your MIL. Your house, your rules, you live how you want.

mrstigs · 08/07/2013 14:39

I would personally go with ThreeEyedRavens last idea, but I'm wicked like that.
Good luck OP.

yoshipoppet · 08/07/2013 14:43

Every time she voices her opinion on something, you should do the same right back to her. If she says something nice (!) so should you, but if as I suspect she carps on, then you are free to do the same.

DeWe · 08/07/2013 14:44

Definitely not being unreasonable.

My dc ask if grandma (mil) is coming when they see me tidying. Grin

Mine doesn't (now) openly criticize. Just says passive aggresssive things like "well if you like living like that..." Hmm

LadyMaryQuiteContrary · 08/07/2013 14:45

My favourite mumsnet quote is 'did you mean to be so rude?' Sounds like you need a little practice.

EndoplasmicReticulum · 08/07/2013 14:47

Why is she your problem and not your husband's? I bet she doesn't think the state of the house is anything to do with him at all....

Can you have an important meeting / appointment to attend to and let him deal with her instead?

Crinkle77 · 08/07/2013 14:51

Tell her if she has a problem then she is quite free to tidy it herself

FryOneFatManic · 08/07/2013 14:57

Why is she bringing kitchen brochures to got through with you, though? DP and I are looking at a new kitchen in the next few months, and I wouldn't be letting someone else try to get their ideas in.

I bet she's one of those people who assumes working from home means being free to do everything. That's why she's picking at you and not your DH.

eurozammo · 08/07/2013 15:03

She sounds like a nightmare! Your husband should really be standing up to her.

HollyMadison · 08/07/2013 15:07

Nod, smile and tune out. Have urgent work calls to make from the study. Ask her opinion on things which are pretty meaningless to you. Maybe she doesn't have a lot going on in her life which is why she has time to give thought to your new kitchen. If that's the case, just keep that in mind and feel a bit sorry for her. And know that her visit won't last forever. Good luck!

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 08/07/2013 15:08

Just say "thank you so much for offering to buy us a new kitchen". Then make sure you chose a really expensive one from one of her brochures

bettycocker · 08/07/2013 15:25

She sounds a lot like my DP's mum. You have my condolences.

Personally, I take the kill them with kindness approach, but the whole thing still sucks.

diddl · 08/07/2013 15:45

She sounds as if she would be rude whatever-so why make an effort?

If you call her on her rudeness-would your husband agree?

Is she only rude because you don't say anything to her?

And get your husband to pull his weight re the house!

SueDoku · 08/07/2013 17:02

If she voices her opinion on everything then follow her lead and voice yours.... Smile

Xihha · 08/07/2013 17:10

you are not being unreasonable at all, I study from home and generally 'remember' that I have an essay to finish whenever the mil visits, or suddenly realise I haven't done the shopping yet, leaving the other half to deal with her.

SsimTee · 08/07/2013 17:42

Boy, as pigheaded as I am, I would deliberately not tidy up if she was due to come. She's going to moan anyway, so let her crack on with it. But then again, no way would I put up with anybody criticizing anything about my house, myself etc and not say something back. Mother in law or not, you shouldn't let her get away with it. You also shouldn't be angry at her for being a bitch to you, you should be cross with yourself for letting her be a bitch to you.

AdoraBell · 08/07/2013 17:44

Don't have anything in for lunch/dinner/whatever and Go out -alone- to Get it 5 minutes after she arrives. Go the shop, have coffee and cake, mooch around, pick up things you need, another coffee, wonder home slowly. Temporarily lose your hearing as you return home.

MrsTerryPratchett · 08/07/2013 17:53

Well, I would go for, "I'm a feminist and as such I don't feel the the state of my house reflects on me as a person" Smile sweetly.