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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu to not want to sit in a tent to bf my baby at kiddicare?

125 replies

inneedofsomehelpplz · 07/07/2013 10:50

went to kiddicare with my dh & dc & had lunch whilst we were there, baby woke up so i bf her in the main restaraunt area and male member of staff came over to tell me that bfing tent was open & could i feed in there? this meant leaving my lunch & my family for 30 mins so i refused. i am very descret & habe nothing on show. aibu?

OP posts:
Ezza1 · 07/07/2013 11:59

So what did the Kiddicare employee say when you said you prefer to stay sat at the table with your family?

pianodoodle · 07/07/2013 12:07

If he had just mentioned the facility fine, but he asked if you could feed in there, which is asking you to move and I would write a letter asking staff to be better trained.

Comfy seats would do anyway. Don't see the need to be herded into a tent myself!

fluffyraggies · 07/07/2013 12:08

It's all in the wording.

''There's a dedicated BF area, would you like to use it?''
said in a passive aggressive sort of way could be a request. ie ''go and BF elsewhere''.

''There's a dedicated BF area, would you like to use it?''
said in a kindly way could just be a offer of help. ie: ''did you know, and do you need me to tell where it is?''.

Elquota · 07/07/2013 12:11

I think it's odd that it would occur to a member of staff that a woman with her family might prefer to go somewhere else. No need at all to mention the tent unless anyone asks.

scottishmummy · 07/07/2013 12:15

It's not odd At all to inform customer of facilities they may wish to use
Had they compelled her to go to designated area,that would be odd
But merely offering the information was probably with good intent

NotYoMomma · 07/07/2013 12:24

he said could not should though Hmm

I do not get what is so offensive as some people like to be elsewhere and some people don't Confused

I think sometimes if people even mention bf to a Mum they go all 'how dare they?!'

its tiresome.

a no thanks would have done

Original poster
inneedofsomehelpplz · 07/07/2013 12:27

i was sitting next to the tent so i could quite easily see it - it was a young lad clearing plates & his words were "there is a bf tent next to you for bfing". i said i was fine thankyou & he rolled his eyes. first problem ive ever had with any store with any of my dc.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 07/07/2013 12:31

He rolled his eyes?

Really?

usualsuspect · 07/07/2013 12:35

The was just telling you If you wanted to use it.

You do the bf cause no favours by posting about problems that are in your head.

usualsuspect · 07/07/2013 12:35

He*

Elquota · 07/07/2013 12:37

The default should be to let breastfeeding women just get on with it, and not make any comment. I wouldn't expect staff to approach me to say "There's a cafe/toilet/checkout/trolley/mirror/exit over there" either, if I hadn't asked. It implies they think you're in the wrong place if there's no other reason for them to bring up the subject. The default assumption should definitely be that the woman won't want to move somewhere hidden away, as there is no need.

SauvignonBlanche · 07/07/2013 12:38

That is not what you said in your OP

usualsuspect · 07/07/2013 12:39

He was a young lad, he probably had no bloody clue about BF etiquette.

WorraLiberty · 07/07/2013 12:39

I've often had an overflowing basket and a member of staff has pointed to a free trolley.

I never assumed they thought I was wrong somehow?

Just being helpful.

SoupDragon · 07/07/2013 12:40

So, he didn't actually say that that bfing tent was open & could you feed in there? He simply pointed out that the tent was open...?

jammiedonut · 07/07/2013 12:43

Maybe politely inform his superiors that you were a little offended by the implication that you should go elsewhere, he's a young lad and probably not aware of the etiquette. Fwiw kiddicare are usually wonderful in regards to bf. I was motioned towards the comfy expensive nursing chairs on display to 'try out' when I was bf ds there, definitely not required to sit away from the public!

HarrySnotter · 07/07/2013 12:43

Can you clarify what he actually said. You have offered two different versions.

YourMaNoBraBackOfMyCar · 07/07/2013 13:02

Have you been in the tent before? I've heard they have some nice freebies, drinks, comfy seats, cooled or warmed appropriately etc. I'd have left dh with the other kids and gone for a nice comfy feed with my dd for 20 mins or so.

pigletmania · 07/07/2013 13:36

That was not what you said in your op. he did not ask you to use it, but merely pointed out that there was a tent there. Yabvu for that. As he was a young lad he might not have a clue about bf etiquette

Alanna1 · 07/07/2013 13:43

I'd be amazed if kiddicare intended to offend you - you are their target market!! I think probably it was just insensitively worded by a young man. I would send them a polite letter or email saying you felt a bit awkward and suggesting they think about how they word it.

Personally I'll bf anywhere but I have good friends who would feel uncomfortable bf openly in a busy restaurant. Indeed I was at a small wedding a few weeks ago where one of the guests choose to go and sit in a tiny dark corner behind the coats to feed. Some people find it harder or really want more privacy.

TidyDancer · 07/07/2013 13:46

I really don't think that staff member did anything much wrong. And I'm afraid I don't believe the eye rolling part either.

I have and would breastfeed anywhere I needed to, and would stand up for any woman told she couldn't, but I just get the feeling that the OP wasn't treated as badly as she feels she was.

Innacorner · 07/07/2013 13:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IneedAsockamnesty · 07/07/2013 13:51

Going by your update he did nothing wrong. You just wanted someone to.

thistlelicker · 07/07/2013 13:54

Oh dear two versions of events! Poor
Bloke
Will get reprimanded for potentially
Being polite and offering u discretion if u wished and here u are cant make up ur Mind as to what happened!Hmm

IneedAsockamnesty · 07/07/2013 13:54

That would be the equality act innacorner.

www.maternityaction.org.uk/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderfiles/breastfeedingpublicplace.pdf

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