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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be upset with DH because...

26 replies

Loopylala7 · 06/07/2013 20:42

We were invited to a wedding reception this evening ages ago (his friends).

As it happened to coincide with the Lions match day and DH being a big rugby fan, he wanted to go out watch match with some friends before the reception. All I asked of DH was not to come home from the pub drunk (I never said no drinks at all, just asked if he could stick to a few)so we could go to reception and enjoy ourselves.

I had arranged a sitter (rare treat) a gift, outfit etc. DH turns up very drunk (he's not a light weight drinker either, so would take quite a few) so I decided not to attend wedding reception, as quite honestly was embarrassed and upset he could turn up like this. He went anyway saying that IWBU. Am I? Am feeling sick that he's probably there telling everyone that I'm being a miserable cow. It's not the first time he's done this kind of thing.

OP posts:
youmeatsix · 06/07/2013 20:45

do you not think people will look down on him more for turning up to a reception drunk, than anything at all about you, no matter what he says??

Original poster
Loopylala7 · 06/07/2013 21:18

Maybe, Many of his friends drink quite a bit, so not sure they'd see it that way Sad

OP posts:
RunRabbit · 06/07/2013 21:40

YANBU.

I wouldn't have gone either.

Good on you for not going.

LaurieFairyCake · 06/07/2013 21:42

I think good on you too.

I would not feel comfortable turning up with someone hammered. Later on people might be drunk but not usually at the beginning of the evening reception.

outoffuel · 06/07/2013 21:46

Yanbu- not fun to be the missus of someone who is pissed at these sorts of do's

Cravey · 06/07/2013 21:48

Yanbu. Good for you. I would be reminding him when he is sober that he no doubt looked a twat turning up alone and drunk. I would be fuming.

Smilehappy · 06/07/2013 21:49

Yanbu! How rude is it to turn up to someone's big day hammered, rude inappropriate and disrespectful not only to the couple but to you...

Hope your ok!

NoisyDay · 06/07/2013 21:50

YANBU it's a totally different migt out going with him when he is sober to basically babysitting a drunk. Sorry for you with your new dress and all,selfish pig:-(

SplitHeadGirl · 06/07/2013 21:52

People at the reception will figure out why you aren't there, once they see the cut of him, so you have nothing to worry about on that score at least.

Original poster
Loopylala7 · 06/07/2013 21:54

Thanks. Feeling a bit better that you don't think IABU.

Gutted to be missing reception, but then again felt I needed to make a point.

Not sure what to say to family/ friends though when they ask how reception was? Do you admit you didn't go as DH was a drunk fool? His mum/my mum are bound to ask me.

OP posts:
Cravey · 06/07/2013 22:12

I would tell family for sure. They need to know he was an idiot. It may make him feel bad also.

Loulybelle · 06/07/2013 22:19

Tell people this "I didnt go after all because my idiot H, decided to come home rat arsed and tbh i couldnt be arsed to keep him upright for the evening"

Original poster
Loopylala7 · 06/07/2013 22:28

I wish I had the balls to say that Loulybelle!

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 06/07/2013 22:31

I think you should say that.

maras2 · 06/07/2013 22:32

You are so not BU.He's a massive twat and will show himself up at the party.Fucking well let him.It's you who will have to either put him to bed later or wipe up his shit and vomit.Also the row that will obviously follow will be your fault. < this is the Mumsnet law of weekends >.Good luck for later,loopy.Keep safe.

Original poster
Loopylala7 · 06/07/2013 22:51

Do you admit to family, especially his parents that he does stuff like this? My family are more moderate drinkers (don't get me wrong, we do drink, just not in the same party ways as my DH family). Have you ever said to mil 'yes your son was an absolute mess, so I decided he could be a mess on his own at the reception' and expect a good reaction from her? Will she not just think she has a bitch of a DIL being so outspoken about DS?

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 06/07/2013 23:36

Do you really care if she does? He was totally wrong to get so slaughtered when you had plans for the evening.

ShellyBoobs · 07/07/2013 00:38

YANBU.

He sounds like a massive twat.

This isn't something for you to feel bad about; you've done nothing wrong.

I feel sorry for you, OP.

MintyChops · 07/07/2013 05:24

I might say "Unfortunately I decided not to go because, having spent the week dealing with small people throwing up and falling over, I didn't fancy spending Saturday night dealing with a big person doing the same, all whilst wearing a new dress." (Hmmmm, not sure how to word that so as not to imply your DH is a cross-dresser? Actually perhaps he ended up too drunk to know whether he was wearing a dress...).

Hope you're not too upset, OP, good on you for standing your ground. Really crap behaviour by him. Not sure whether to recommend vindictive drum-playing from 7am or dignified silence....

BookieMonster · 07/07/2013 05:33

YANBU, not even a little bit. It is excruciating being the sober partner of someone who is completely pissed at a special "do".

mirai · 07/07/2013 05:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MammaTJ · 07/07/2013 06:06

I would not have a problem explaining to people if mt DP had been that much of a dick, after all, it was him that was a dick, not you.

KingRollo · 07/07/2013 06:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KingRollo · 07/07/2013 06:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SanityClause · 07/07/2013 06:24

Do you really want the children looked after by a person who is hung over, though KingRollo? (Love the name, BTW.)

It's not right that you should do all the parenting, while he recovers from his binge, Loopy, but I'm not sure that it's fair on he children to subject them to a hung over father, either.